Co-sleeping « Back to Group Discussions

[rebecca10]

Thought I'd start a general thread on this, where we can talk about any issues/questions.

As for me, we co-slept with my daughter for two years, but didn't start until she was about 4 months old, so I'm a totally newbie when it comes to co-sleeeping with a newborn, although we did tons of having dd1 sleep right on our chests often falling asleep like that.  That's how dd2 has been primarily sleeping too, but especiallly with a toddler with her own sleep issues, we need some alternatives.

Beyond having the baby sleep right on you, how are you arranging the logistics?  Do you swaddle the baby? Do you let the baby sleep on her stomach? side? or just on her back? 

[sallyrae17]

I curl up around my baby and she is either on her back or side. She actually likes to sleep nose to nose - literally. It's cute...and good that I don't have any personal space issues. :) We do the side-lying nursing position, so that's really how we sleep. My son sleeps in his toddler bed in the same room as us (directly across from the foot of our bed) but he's been coming into the bed some nights, so I just make sure that I'm between him and my daughter. 

I don't do any swaddling, I just use the blankets I'm using. I've never been afraid of my babe suffocating with the blankets and pillows or anything. I have my arm around her head and my legs are curled up so her toes touch the top of my thighs. I definitely sleep differently with a baby in the bed, so I'm very aware of what's going on with her.

[Lizbiz]

My baby sleeps right next to me on a blanket of his own (to catch burps and spit ups and leaks) with a waterproof pad under the blanket.  We sidelie and nurse, and I use a separate light blanket to cover me.  I lightly swaddle the baby in his own blanket (with his arms free), and Anthony is sometimes on his back and sometimes on his side.  I keep a burp cloth handy, because I sometimes have to sit up and burp him if he swallows too much air at night.  I also keep a pacifier handy to sooth him back to sleep if he seems to be waking up in the middle of the night after nursing.  I find that one nice thing about cosleeping with my newborn is that he can't really move around the bed :).  I also like being able to really keep an eye on his breathing and I LOVE the snuggle time.  Anthony is a good little snuggle buddy - and often I'll just sleep on my side with him in the crook of my arm for a few hours (bliss!).  

I actually only cosleep during this newborn phase.  After he's going to bed independently, he'll transition into a crib and then eventually into his own room once he's sleeping more overnight.  This is pretty much only because I figured out that for me, I sleep really poorly with an older infant or toddler in my bed, and so did my oldest son - he slept much more soundly in his own crib.  As a parent, I also get a little touched out and need the space that a night in my own bed with my husband affords me.  But when my babies are newborns until they are about 3-4 months, I can't imagine them sleeping anywhere but right beside me.  Go figure!! ;)  

For those of you who cosleep into the older baby/toddler phase - how do you meet the need for your own personal space as a cosleeping parent?  Do your toddlers sleep through the night in your bed, or are you waking to nurse? 

[LilyTiger]

Thanks for starting this thread, Rebecca!  I was going to post something similar, because I have some questions too.

Our system is that we have a bassinet next to the bed that doesn't get used.   She sleeps with me and we side-lie for nursing, so she's usually on her back or her side.  We swaddle her up around 9pm and then head to bed around 10:00.  We fall asleep nursing, so she's usually curled up at nipple level and I have an arm wrapped sort of around her head.  DH is still uncomfortable when she's on his side, so we're working on that.  If he did roll over though, he'd hit my arm first, so I'd wake up.  I'm kind of amazed really that I wake up at the first "eh eh" she makes when she wants to nurse and it makes the nights so much easier than having to sit up and grab a squirmy infant from the bassinet.

That being said, we're going to try to have her sleeping in the bassinet by the time she's three months or so.  DH is very uncomfortable with extended co sleeping and though I think I would love it, I also want us to have a "marriage bed" rather than a family bed in the end.  So we'll see how that all works.  I know some of it just depends on her personality.

My main question is for side-lying mamas.... Do you burp the baby after feedings?  Or just if you suspect gulping?  I've been falling asleep during nursing, so I don't burp her, but then she wakes up at around 8am with gas.  It doesn't last long, but she's pretty uncomfortable.  Is this from her not burping during the night?  I would like to avoid having to burp her since it interferes with what I see as the whole point of dream feeding in the first place.

Oh, and I'm going to make a few "co sleeping mats" that are flannel on the outside with a rubber material on the bottom.  We've had some spit up and one leaky dipe already. And since DH is allergic to breastmilk, I don't want him rolling around in baby spit up and getting hives. 

[Veritas Vitae]

Q sleeps in between us, but right up against me. She sleeps on her back or side and cuddles into my side, I am almost always topless for easy nighttime access.  I keep my arm wrapped around her head and side, so she is all tucked in besides me.  I sometimes side-lie and nurse, but usually if she is hungry at night, I'll sit up and nurse her, since she seems to prefer the higher contact when eating, she'll start to fuss if I keep trying to side-lie nurse.We usually keep her in a sleeper, and will pull up our sheets to cover her to around her belly, and she keeps her arms up by her head, which I like because she can't accidentally pull the sheets up over her head.  We took most of the blankets off the bed and just use two sheets now, and B went down to one pillow and I went up to two pillows, so I can prop up when I feed her at night, but one is always just propped on the headboard away from Q and the other one I actually use at night. I also started stashing the Boppy between the headboard and wall, so I can just reach up and grab it.

We had bought a Summer Infant portable baby bed, but using that didn't last the first night, now we just use it to put her in during the day.

[andaluza]

Our baby M (2 weeks 2 days old) can be a huge wiggle worm and it's been kind of hard for me to feel comfortable even with him sleeping on my chest in the bed at night. If he's not swaddled, he tends to roll onto his side to sleep and at any rate always turns his head from side to side when I've got him on his back. We are using the Arm's reach co-sleeper tethered to our bed and I have also been wheeling it around the house with me. I had been keeping the rail down that goes beside the bed, but my mom noticed yesterday that he is already reaching his arm out of it, so we raised the rail completely. I think that will give us a bit more time, but I am feeling kind of doubtful that he'll still be able to use it when we travel to visit my in-laws when he's about 4 months old. Since I'm a ftm I have no idea how much of this is normal, but my mom said I was walking at 9 months and he seems to be more mobile than I was (according to her memory), so I guess time will tell.

[CCoello]

We put our mattress on the floor in anticipation of cosleeping. Armie sleeps on his own blanket in between us, so we can change what's under him if necessary without redoing the whole bed (though once he projectile pooped in the middle of a midnight diaper change (which we just do in bed) and we had to immediately wash EVERYTHING anyway). I keep the boppy next to the bed, but I am using it less and less. There is a burpcloth (mostly for me leaking), pacifier, and noise machine in bed too for easy access (above his head). Sometimes we swaddle him, sometimes not. Sometimes we use a light gauze blanket to cover his body. We like having him between us so either one of us can change him, and lately I've been pumping a bottle in the evenings so DH does one middle-of-the-night feeding.

DH and I each have a sheet that we use for warmth. I have no idea what to do when the weather gets cool and we need heavier blankets, but Armie is still young enough that I'll be scared of smothering him. I had thought that I would just wear more pajamas, but now that I'm nursing I'm concerned about having easy access too. Any ideas?

We sidelay to nurse occasionally, but I feel like we aren't really good at it yet, and I never know whether to burp him or not. If I do, then I'm getting up which defeats the whole point to me. After sidelaying, Armie often falls asleep on his side, and this makes me nervous for SIDS, so then I roll him onto his back... and that wakes him up. I see that many of you are not nervous about baby sleeping on his side. Should I get over it and be more relaxed about it? I'm also afraid that from the side position, he'll end up on his stomach, which I have seen him start to do...

I also debate whether to change the diaper in the middle of the night and when... if I change him when he first starts to wake, he wakes completely and wails with hunger. If I wait until after we feed, it wakes us both up again and he wails. If I don't change him, it just seems gross and uncomfortable. Plus we are battling a nasty yeasty rash, and leaving him in his own waste too long will just make it worse :(

[LilyTiger]

Originally Posted by CCoello 

DH and I each have a sheet that we use for warmth. I have no idea what to do when the weather gets cool and we need heavier blankets, but Armie is still young enough that I'll be scared of smothering him. I had thought that I would just wear more pajamas, but now that I'm nursing I'm concerned about having easy access too. Any ideas?

I also debate whether to change the diaper in the middle of the night and when... if I change him when he first starts to wake, he wakes completely and wails with hunger. If I wait until after we feed, it wakes us both up again and he wails. If I don't change him, it just seems gross and uncomfortable. Plus we are battling a nasty yeasty rash, and leaving him in his own waste too long will just make it worse :(

I use a cardigan over a nursing tank or sleep bra or whatever.  It keeps me warm while allowing baby easy access to the breast.  I just use a cheapish one from Target, but I think specific sleep cardigans actually exist. 

As far as the diaper change issue, obviously wait until the rash clears up, but we do no middle of the night changes.  She doesn't mind and my doctor recommended that we minimize night diaper changes to help baby learn that night is for sleep.  But I can see how you might be uncomfortable with that option.  It's been a lifesaver for us, but probably wouldn't work for everyone.  Friends of ours recommended putting a little coconut oil on the butt before bed -- it has antibacterial and antifungal properties -- to help babe's tush make it through the night unscathed.  That might be an option, though we haven't had to try it yet.

[Ninetales]

We sleep kind of funny.  We have a king size mattress and a twin size mattress pushed against each other on the floor.  J sleeps in the corner in the normal orientation, head at the head, and feet at the feet.  Elsa, Oscar, and I sleep perpendicular to him, with our heads pointing toward him and our feet out to the side.  Kind of like a big E.  This way we get maximum space, and he doesn't get kids rolling all over him (though once he finally moves to third shift that will be moot anyway).

I wear big muumuu nightshirts that button up the front and leave them open.  Oscar can latch himself on when he needs to most of the time.  Sometimes I have to help him but I can usually fall asleep pretty quickly after that.  I only burp him if he's wiggly and resisting the breast yet still fusses.  Elsa hasn't nursed to sleep in awhile and sleeps through the whole night, so it would be more trouble to try to move her out now than it would be saving for me.

I try to keep Oscar on his back.  The side doesn't concern me so much if he's curled up in my arm or against my side.  Everything I've read indicates that close proximity to the mother decreases the risk of SIDS anyway.  Though I still won't let him sleep on his tummy until he's able to roll on his own.

[Sol_y_Paz]

 CCoello 

Not sure what others do but we change as much as possible, always first thing after he wakes up we check.  Sometimes between feedings.  Rarely after feedings if he is falling to sleep, only if we hear something worth checking out.  After feedings if is alert and has been eating really good.  Most of the time he doesn't like it but I don't like him having a dirty diaper.  He is better about it after a full tummy.  It helps when I talk to him, sing, or get out a toy to distract him.  He is really into mirrors right now and chime like infant toys.  

[rebecca10]

We struggle with when to change diapers too, but generally have been before feeds or if we hear a poop.  She poops a number of times a night so far, so I can't really see letting it go.  I would though if I knew it was just pee and the diaper was absorbent enough.

[Tizzy]

I have a cradle beside our bed which we use most nights. I've always found that my babies sleep better in their own space, but I also enjoy having them with me.
When G. is in.bed with me I have my arm around the top of his head so DH doesn't have the chance of rollling or flinging an arm onto him. I often side lie to nurse, but I'll lay baby over my stomach to burp he doesn't wake up again a short time later with a gas bubble.
I also sleep on a bath towel folded in half so any leaks, spitup or messes are easily contained/cleaned up.

If G. does wake to nurse in the night, I change him first and then feed. I find he's super sleepy when it's dark out so he falls back asleep while being burped, then I either fall asleep with him over my stomach or I'll tuck him back in to the cradle.

[Lizbiz]

I change dipes as little as possible - if I must - then I change between breasts or before nursing so that the baby has the opportunity to get sleepy again.  At this point, my babe is not pooping overnight anymore (they'll stop doing this for the most part after the first few weeks, I find) - so I use an uber-absorbent pampers dipe for nights and just let it go. If my baby pooped, I would change them right away.  

I also don't burp unless I sense the baby needs to do so.  It does sort of defeat the purpose!  But so does a gassy baby :).  

As for blankets - I use my own fleecy blanket and my DH gets the good covers :).  It's thinner than a quilt, and then I do wear socks, thick pants, etc... when the weather gets colder.  The cardigan idea is a good one!  

[Tizzy]

Lizbiz - I find that too, about the pooping overnight! :)

But then every once in a while they throw me off with a surprise poop, of course when I haven't turned the light on  lol!

[NewMumJoy]

We plan to keep William in our bed for the first few months, and then transition him to a crib in our same room.  At first when I had to pump exclusively, we'd change his diaper before each feeding (since we had to get up anyways to warm bottles, pump, etc.)  Now that I'm able to nurse him in the side laying position, we haven't been changing his diaper (although we're only a few nights into this routine).  We use a disposable over night which will buys us extra time between changes.  I lay w/him up against me the whole time, on his side.  We use a towel beneath us to catch drips, etc.  I'll either drape a baby blanket over him or we'll share a sheet and he seems to be warm enough to the point of being a little sweaty by morning.  So far, we've just had him in his diapers (and me in a tank top pulled up as needed) to maximize skin to skin time, but I'm afraid it'll soon be too cold to continue that way.  I climb over him when it's time to nurse on the other side (laying down), and only IF he fusses DH will scoop him onto his chest to burp him.  My LC confirmed that I should still move him onto his back after he's done eating, but that wakes him up to the point of fussing and then he doesn't get back to sleep unless he's nursing.  I feel that since he's nursing so frequently and we're skin to skin that's a good compromise for safely keeping him on his side through the night.

This morning, I woke up to find our dog had wedged himself up against William under the sheets, between DH and I.  Probably not ideal co-sleeping for such a young infant, but it melted my heart nonetheless to see their 2 little warm bodies snuggled next to each other!!

[iixivboots]

So I am starting to get nervous about using the mini cosleeper since it only has one mesh side, so I thought it's time to set up the pack n play. Then we found out the pack n play bassinet has a weight limit of 15 lbs, which I'm pretty sure is what he is right now.

We have a really small bedroom and I don't think I'm going to be able to get out of bed if we put the crib in here. We are just NOT ready for him to leave our room, at all, I would not sleep and I'd end up sleeping in his room. Also, I don't think our queen size bed is big enough for all three of us to cosleep in.

Ugh, I am so not happy about this! Why isn't there a pack n play bassinet with a higher weight limit since the size is big enough for a small toddler?

Also, what do we do about travel? We'll be traveling when he's 9 months old, I was going to tell my parents to buy a pack n play, do they have to sleep on the lowest level then? I'd never get him in there without waking him up.

[Tizzy]

Boots - when mine have started seriously rolling over, I switch to the PnP in our room. Our bed is fairly high up so it's more of a pain to lift them in and out, but not impossible. And they seem to get used to it, like now I can bump him around and fuss with blankets a fair bit when tucking him in the.swing or bouncy chair to nap, but he'll just open one eye, scan around then close it and go back to sleep. It's so tricky to teach them to be okay with the transition from arms to bed though! Has to be just the right stage in their sleep cycle I find otherwise it's game over.

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by bootsvalentine 
 I don't think I'm going to be able to get out of bed if we put the crib in here. We are just NOT ready for him to leave our room, at all, I would not sleep and I'd end up sleeping in his room.

This is where we are right now too.  I think we need to buy rails for our bed to cover all our bases, even if he is just napping and I am right there.  

[Veritas Vitae]

I hope you're able to figure out a solution.  I don't think I could have Quinn sleep in a different room, it freaks me out. Especially since the house is set up so weird, the bedrooms walls are next to each other, but the doors are on opposite sides of the house, with the door to "our room", now the guest room, by the front door, and the door to Quinn's room, which is the formal master, by the back door.  Just, why?!  I MIGHT be able to put her in her own room if the doors were right next to each other...and we were on the second floor.

We're currently sleeping in Quinn's room because it has the crib and a queen size bed.  We're trying to transition her to sleep part time in the crib because one night I was just uber tired and didn't realize Q had wedged herself underneath me.  It freaked B out a bit.  She does fine there most of the night, but when she wakes up around 3am, I bring her into bed with us and immediately go back to sleep side-lying nursing....which is so amazing!  Although, the last couple of days B has been going to bed before me, since he wakes up at 5:30am, and he usually takes the baby to bed with him.  The first couple of days, he put her in the crib, but lately when I go to bed I find them cuddling together in the bed. In general though, he is so aware and cautious about Quinn during the night.  He will wake up several time to check that she isn't squeezed too close to me, or that blankets aren't by her face.

[rebecca10]

Boots, that's tough.  When I started co-sleeping with my first and we had a queen bed, I actually kicked my husband to an air mattress, until we bought a king.    I wouldn't recommend this as a long term solution, but for a little while, say until the pack-and-play feels okay, it might be helpful. (FWIW, my husband loved it--some of the best sleep he had for a long time and really it didn't interfer with our sex life).

 Sol-You can see what you think about a rail, but I actually found it scarier, since I worried about the baby falling into the gap betwen the rail and the bed, than the risk that the baby fell off the bed.  It can help to fill the space with some towels, but still after using it and worrying for a few months I just took it off and felt much better. We did move our bed to the floor so it wouldn't be much of a fall.