Newbie welcomes advice!!! « Back to Group Discussions

[jadeiz]

I'm a single parent with two young adult boys. My oldest is living away from home in the military and my youngest is at home. My 19 yr old just graduated HS and I'm trying to help him get on with his own life's journey but struggling to do so. I have tried countless times to talk with him about what he wants to do with his life now and I get no response. I have even tried writing him a letter. I want the Best that life has to offer him, but it seems that I'm not getting through to him. He does nothing all day long except to play his games and watch t.v. If i want him to help me with something (chores) I have to ask. I have always been a full-time Mom and I have also worked outside the house as a full-time employee. I was hoping that he would follow by example but so far nothing seems to work. I could go on and on but, I have already made this conversation rather lengthy. If anybody has any advice for me I would really like to hear your input. Thanks for reading:)!!!!

[mamarhu]

I am sorry you got no responses here. I answered, but my response must have got lost in the ether. Stuff happens...

My suggestion would be to charge him rent. Whatever the going rate in your area is for a roommate situation; here it might be around $350/mo or so. It is only fair that he start contributing to the family. If you really don't need the money, secretly save it for him, for when he wants to move out into the real world. He will either have to get a job, go to college if financial aid is available, or figure some other way to come up with his share. It sounds sort of cold, but it would be a step toward responsibility. I would set a date, a few months in the future, as a goal. Give him time to find a job, and actually receive some pay. If he only wants to work enough to pay his rent, he probably won't have to work full-time. If he wants any money for extras, he will have to work more, just like everybody else.

My two youngest are coming up on this stage of life, and I know they would each handle an ultimatum like this differently (not that I hope or plan to need this approach). BigGirl would hustle and get a job, but be pissed off at me and move out as soon as she could. YoungSon would procrastinate until the last moment, then probably go stay with friends rather than actually get a job.

It is not an easy situation you are in, but it is important that you be firm. Some baby birds need a little shove to leave the nest.

Please check back in and let me know how it is going.

All the best, Rhu

[jadeiz]

Thanks Mamarhu,

  I will try this and let you know how things work out. The hardest part will actually be Me following through with what I say. For some reason, I was stronger about making them mind when they were younger and now I have to find the strength again to be the "firm" but loving Mom I used to be.

[jadeiz]

Well, I did it!!! I have been talking to my son since he graduated and hopefully he's on the right track. We will continue to grow together and learn from each other. He has applied for Americor and has a deadline by Jan. 1 2013 to get a job. I will help him as much as I can, but it is ultimately up to him now. I finally found the courage and the strength to give him the power to move on with his life. Yea Me !!!! I'm so excited to see what else life has to offer.

[MariaMadly]

Great news -- best of luck to both of you! 
 

[jadeiz]

Life is crazy busy but good!!! My son did get a job. It's only part time for now but we are working towards full time & getting his drivers license. We are taking baby steps toward  the future but as of now things are looking up. Thank you for your help Mamarhu & I would also like to thank MariaMadly for you support :)

[Lenore K.]

Good for you! I am glad you are seeing some positive results! Sometimes it is difficult to be firm with our children. At the time they may not always see the benefits of what you are trying to do. Later they may even thank you for it!

[virity2011]

Hello everyone,

I am new here, I recently turned 45 and have an amazing two year old.  Hoping to meet more moms like me or women around my age.

[mamarhu]

Hello, and welcome!This neighborhood hasn't been too busy the last few months, but we are a friendly bunch in general. Explore around here, and MDC in general, and I am sure you will find support, and a few laughs.