Pregnancy/birth fears - let it out and let it go « Back to Group Discussions

[odinsmama]

I'm posting this mainly for myself and my own fears right now, but I'm sure there are others of us out there who may need to get something off your chest and try to release any fears you're carrying around.

My fears right now are all centered around my chronic health issue (ulcerative colitis which is flaring right now) which has me gaining weight slower than I'd like, had me underweight to begin with and the low weight has me worrying a bit about preterm labor.
I gained fine with my other 2 but was not dealing with a flare up with either of those. I'm doing what I can to get back into remission and also think once that happens I may gain more easily.

I'm not obsessing about it, but did a little research yesterday on ways I can try to prevent Preterm labor. I'm getting a few things to have on hand and hoping that will ease my mind a little.

Also planning some tasty snacks and things (I have several food restrictions) that will be high in calories but not exacerbate my symptoms.

It's common for me to have some kind of fear during pregnancy and hopefully this one will turn out to be no problem, just as the fear I had last time never became a reality.

resting and not obsessing!

[Teles]

I was doing very well until the past week or so when I've started getting really scared of what will happen to my mental well being once the baby is born and I'm off work for a year.

I've been really lonely lately and I'm actually terrified about what happens after the little one is born and have nobody around with a crying baby on 1 hour of sleep while my husband is away at work all day. I never really thought about it before, but this has been a particularly lonely week and I'm feeling pretty isolated and miserable with nobody to talk to, so I'm starting to get worried about what it will be like to feel like this with a new baby. I'm putting all my hope into falling in love with baby and being so overflowing with hormones that I will be okay, otherwise I'm looking at some pretty serious depression if nothing changes.

I also have some fears about being bullied into interventions by the nurses during labor, but those fears are paling in comparison right now.

[etsdtm99]

I'm sure they will come, but right now i have just a few fears..  and they aren't the overwhelming kind of fears right now - i think this being my 4th i'm feeling really confident that it will all turn out ok even if the things i'm afraid of do happen...

my fear is labor being as hard or harder than #3 -  i'm afraid this baby will be bigger, have a bigger head (all my kids have had large heads), labor will be longer, or the baby will be too overdue (my girls came on time/early but my son was 'overdue', this one is a boy too)

I'm also a bit nervous about dealing with another breech baby - my last 2 babies have turned pretty late (35-36 wks), and its just stressful..

i'm a little worried about how my 2 year old will react to everything.. i'm afraid that 4 kids is that magic number where i will get completely overwhelmed .(when this one is born i will have 4 kids 6 and under, though my oldest will be almost 7)

[loveandgarbage]

I'm pretty calm about the birth this time, but for the past few days I've started to worry about head size and tearing. And since I had a 3rd degree tear last time, I'm worried that if I do tear again I'll just split right open!

Also worried about my mental health after this baby is born. It will be winter (which depresses me anyway) and I'll suddenly have three kids to care for.

[josie423]

For birth, I really only have one. That I will have to transfer. That isn't something that I worry about too much, but it always lurks. 

My main pregnancy worry is that I'm going to have a tiny baby, or cause IUGR or have a preemie. In my other pregnancies I ate pretty much whatever (fairly healthy food, just a lot of it!) and gained 45-55 lbs with each and had little babies. My biggest was 7lbs 11oz and my last two were 6lbs 5oz. With this baby I am being very careful with what I eat and I am grain-free as well, and at 17 weeks am up maybe a pound or two. I'm usually up nearly 20 by this point. I am trusting that with a healthy diet my body will gain what it needs to to make a healthy babe. But I still worry. Almost obsessively. 

[Adaline'sMama]

So far, Im pretty calm about the birth this time. It's the whole bringing babies home with me part that Im freaking out and terrified about. :(

[lilysamsma]

I have yet to give much thought to the whole birth process. I think once i find a doctor that i plan to stay with i can.let my mind worry about birth. I have been fighting for weeks to find some doctor that knows something about monochorionic.twin pregnancies (sharing a placenta, which can be riskier than if each baby had their own, and normally is monitored pretty closely by most doctors, if not referred out to perinatologist(s).

It is funny, because i am normally all about hands off doctors and minimal monitoring and all that, but now that i actually believe medical intervention (for lack.of a better word since all i really want is to be monitored and feel.confident that the doctors.would be able to pick.up any issues if they would halpen to.pop up) is warranted, i can't get it to save my life.

When i DO let my mind go the whole birth process, i just know it will probably a big horrible fight. Because i have yet to find a doctor, i have yet to.lewrn their views on twin births, and from all i have read, most want really highly medicalized, like laboring in the or with an epidur no matter what, if they even allow a vaginal.birth. i wish i had the luxury of.picking an.ob based on their view of the birth process, but i want to get the babies to that.point first (so far i have been to two.practices, both which claim to be experienced with twins, but based on bad info they have given me, are clearly not). It has been (and still is)a complete nightmare.

[kittn]

As always I am afraid of transition. Why ? No clue. Ive had 5 babies. the last two without any intervention at all. I know I can do it, but those few minutes (it has never lasted more than 5/10 minutes) make me crazy when i think about it. I am worried I will panic, become overwhelmed, and loose control and people will be upset with me. 

Aside from that, I am worried right now about going for my level 2 ultrasound at the end of the month and finding out the baby is dead or has a fatal diagnosis. 

[typebug]

Originally Posted by josie423 

For birth, I really only have one. That I will have to transfer. That isn't something that I worry about too much, but it always lurks. 

Yeah me too. I would only transfer if it were a c-section situation I guess so I'd really have to submit to the whole drug/ hospital/losing control thing. I don't trust a lot of things about the Singapore hospitals. They use nurses who are paid very little and have very little training or language skills so you need someone around who can keep them from administering anything. The drugs they use here are often cheaper and not approved by the FDA and many are even banned in the US and Europe. Even the doctors tend to be really lax on knowing which ones are ok during pregnancy. You have to look everything up yourself. I guess in my birth plan with my OBGYN I'll have to go over every single detail of what happens in a transfer so my husband has a list in his hands to check each and every drug they pull out. It feels like a totally anal thing to do but I really don't want to take chances! 

[sarahknavy]

I am just afraid that I will plan all this VBAC stuff and end up with another CS. I was only in labor for a few hours with my first before I had my cs. I have no idea how I will handle it. I just hope everything goes well and I have supportive nurses and OB. The hospital is 45 min away and I also worry about timing it right and not getting there too soon/too late. 

[iamkateiam]

Honestly my biggest fears are about once the baby is born.  I'm going into birth with a plan, but if it doesn't work out I'm pretty okay with it.  As long as me and the baby make it out relatively unscathed I'll be fine!

What I'm worried about most is finding child care when I go back to work after 12 weeks.  We don't have any family in the area, so we will have to find some sort of day care that isn't outrageously expensive.  I'm worried that we won't find one, that I'll insist on the most expensive one and we won't be able to afford it, or that we'll settle on something "cheap" and it will be a bad situation.

I'm also worried that having this baby will make my DH want to move back to Omaha (we moved to Kansas City about 4 years ago).  We both grew up there and his family is still there (my family, on the other hand, have all moved out of Omaha).  I wouldn't hate moving back, I'm just worried that we'll get everything set up here with day care, doctors, jobs (I actually like my job here!), insurance, etc and then he'll decide we have to sell our house and move back.  I just keep going over in my head all the things we'd have to set up if we moved out of Kansas City that are already set up here.

I know these are both future things and I should probably just focus on the pregnancy and just take things as they come after that, but I've never been good at that.  I know logically that it will all work out, I just need to convince the not-so-logical parts of myself.

[loveandgarbage]

I don't think it's strange at all to think about future stuff vs. just worrying about pregnancy/birth. If you think about it, pregnancy is an almost insignificant start to a lifetime of parenting and the different choices we have to make as individuals who suddenly other people under our care.

[Brambleberry]

I worry more about life after delivery too.  Right now I'm a little worried about measuring large.  I'm 16w2d, and at my appointment today measured at 20 weeks (according to where my uterus is in relation to my belly button), and 18 cm.  My doctor isn't super concerned, but wants me to get an u/s to make sure it's not twins.  She brought in a second doppler to try to see if she could find two heartbeats, but the baby(s?) started getting too squirmy.  There are some things about twins that would be wonderful and exciting, but I'm a little scared about my ability to handle a toddler and one newborn at the same time, and the idea of two newborns at once scares the %*&# out of me.  Plus all of the potential complications... and I wouldn't get to have a homebirth - not with my current doctor.  My mom is getting on my case about my diet now (which is pretty dang good but did go downhill with morning sickness), because she thinks I might be measuring big due to gestational diabetes.  I have NO risk factors.  I'm pretty sure GD wouldn't affect baby or uterus size at this point in pregnancy but I wasn't able to find anything to confirm that.  I'm scheduled for a 20 week anatomy scan, and figured we'll just find out then, but I'm starting to wonder if it wouldn't be better to schedule it a little sooner...

[odinsmama]

Before we get to 20 weeks it's normal to measure larger or smaller by up to 4cm. Don't know if that helps ease your concern or not. I'd be freaking at the possibity of twins also.

[rblakley]

I worry that when I go to my appointments that one or both babies won't have a heartbeat. Every time I use the bathroom I make sure I'm not bleeding. I haven't had any problems so far this pregnancy, but have had a previous miscarriage. Plus I'm a worrier by nature...

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by rblakley 

I worry that when I go to my appointments that one or both babies won't have a heartbeat.

Me too. I get myself so worked up about it. I can wait until regular movement.

[Imakcerka]

The no heart beat thing is big for me.  And I'm really scared to have my 20 week scan, what if something is wrong?  I can't handle small things but what if it's something really serious?  My fear is so bad I don't want DH or the girls to come with me.  I need to go alone and then I'll let them know how it's turned out.  And... I haven't bought a thing yet.  Not one thing. 

[Brambleberry]

Imakcerka - I don't remember at what point you lost your previous pregnancy (or more than one?), but that does make the normal fears so much harder with the next one.  I'll be getting my 20 week scan in the same room with the same doctor that did my u/s when I lost my last pregnancy at 10 weeks.  I would schedule it for at the hospital instead, but ultrasound techs are notorious for having terrible bedside manner and I like the doctor at the clinic who does the u/s.  My experiences with the hospital u/s techs were pretty negative when I was pregnant with DD, even though nothing was wrong with that pregnancy.  It is so rare to lose a pregnancy as far along as we are now, but one of my good friends had two mid-2nd tri losses, so I do worry about it too.  She had bad u/s techs diagnose both of those losses too.  I would recommend getting your scan with an actual doctor if you have that option, since doctors are actually trained in bedside manner and may be more understanding and gentle with nervous moms.  To be fair, part of the problem with u/s techs is that they're not allowed to diagnose, so they can't really tell you plainly if something is wrong - they have to skirt around the issue - often awkwardly. 

[Imakcerka]

Actually I only shared the one loss here, it's all the others combined that have me on edge.  The Dr with my last lost was very helpful and kind and he actually started crying... Which made me feel really bad for him.  It was a 2nd trimester. 

It's not the Tech or the Dr.  They can't change the outcome it's me dealing with this fear and getting on with life.  I'm going to be fine going in there tomorrow no matter what.  This little one has been moving non stop and that makes me feel so much better. 

[Adaline'sMama]

Why are all you babyloss mamas not on our Rainbow thread? Ya'll should come join all of the rest of us who are constantly anxious and panicking. 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1362191/expecting-our-rainbow-babies-september-2012-thread