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Pregnancy/birth fears - let it out and let it go - Page 2

post #21 of 46
Thread Starter 
I just had to stop watching More Business of Being Born (the vbac episode) because I realized it was starting to make me fearful of the birth process. Of course they show some surgery scenes and I didn't watch those at all. And I'm not dealing with a vbac myself, so none of those risks really apply to me. But, yikes, turned it off and now off to find something else that won't be affecting me that way.

How are all you mamas feeling emotionally these days?
I've actually been feeling mainly excited, so the sudden fear thing had to be stopped in its tracks.
post #22 of 46

I've been mainly excited, but i'm starting to worry that i'm getting my hopes up that this birth will be easier/better than my last - this pregnancy has been so much easier, and this week my chiropractor was raving about how well my pelvis has been doing compared to my last 2 pregnancies.. its really getting my hopes up that that will translate into an easier birth .. its just impossible to really be prepared and preparing for what i went through last time probably won't help either!  i haven't really been reading any birth stories or watching anything to prepare either because, again, i'm afraid i'll just get my hopes up.. but i don't want to read/watch horror stories either..    i'm not really sure what to do at this point ..
 

post #23 of 46

I'm doing pretty well.. One thing that is bugging me is that I'm not really looking forward to pushing. My last baby, although tiny, had the biggest head and a nuchal hand, so pushing was pretty intense. His birth was wonderful, but it is still so fresh in my mind and making me  dread pushing. With my other babies I was so excited about the whole birth, but this time I just find myself thinking that I hope to get through pushing as fast as possible! I can't figure out if it is fear I'm feeling, or just dread/anxiety.

post #24 of 46

I am feeling a little nervous about tearing.  I tore both times and while #2 was a small tear, it was up, toward my urethra and no place to put anything to numb it.  With DD1, I tore, but I had an epidural and while I could feel the tugging and pressure, it was completely different.  I am also having the scraping feeling on my cervix that reminds me that dilatation is intense.  This baby is also feeling pretty darn big already, wondering if he is going to surpass the girls (who were just over and just under 10 lbs.)  I like big babies, but I don't want to have a 10.5 or 11 lb baby.  I was hoping for 9-10 lbs.

post #25 of 46

I'm really having a hard time not getting freaked out every time I have a little Braxton-Hicks ctx.  I worried about preterm labor a lot with my first, and she went almost to 42w (of course I couldn't know that at the time).  Now it's twins, and I'm actually at risk for PTL, and every time I have a ctx it really stresses me out.  And stress if a major risk factor for PTL!  I know that BH are normal and healthy and are getting your uterus ready for labor and everything, but it's so hard not to think of them as something pathogenic.  I'm having a ctx every time I get up to pee at night, and often if I do anything requiring abdominal muscles during the day.  I rarely have a ctx that doesn't have a clear cause like that.  But they still stress me out.  With my first pregnancy we were trying to finish our house enough to move in, and got settled in here just days before my due date - two weeks before her birth.  Her coming early would have been just about the worst possible thing, and it was a major stress for me.  Obviously, no one wants their babies to be premature, but I think I still have a lot of baggage from last time that is making the fear worse.

post #26 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by odinsmama View Post

I just had to stop watching More Business of Being Born (the vbac episode) because I realized it was starting to make me fearful of the birth process. Of course they show some surgery scenes and I didn't watch those at all. And I'm not dealing with a vbac myself, so none of those risks really apply to me. But, yikes, turned it off and now off to find something else that won't be affecting me that way.
How are all you mamas feeling emotionally these days?
I've actually been feeling mainly excited, so the sudden fear thing had to be stopped in its tracks.

i can't watch birth.

i can't watch movies or videos of birth without cringing, crying or just getting overwhelmed.

 

thankfully, i am very excited about birth right now.  my last baby was small (7lbs) and my biggest was 8lbs 8oz, and this one is measuring on the smaller side, so suddenly it seems like it won't be bad.  i've been terrified of tearing, but haven't had any perineal tears in 4 vaginal births.  

 

the most challenging thing is trying to plan the post-birth weeks w/ my husband.  we don't have any family near by, and he's just not great at childcare day in and day out.  one week of cooking and watching kids will fry him.  and that's not even mentioning laundry, cleaning or abstinence (all those things are so foreign to him)- so i'm praying hard that we can get some support for our family afterwards.

post #27 of 46
Quote:

Originally Posted by HouseofPeace View Post

 

the most challenging thing is trying to plan the post-birth weeks w/ my husband.  we don't have any family near by, and he's just not great at childcare day in and day out.  one week of cooking and watching kids will fry him.  and that's not even mentioning laundry, cleaning or abstinence (all those things are so foreign to him)- so i'm praying hard that we can get some support for our family afterwards.

Hi, are you my twin?? LOL!ROTFLMAO.gif

post #28 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Hi, are you my twin?? LOL!ROTFLMAO.gif

or something like that!  i know- i see your posts and just love you and yours.

post #29 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by HouseofPeace View Post

or something like that!  i know- i see your posts and just love you and yours.

 

Aw, thanks! Love you and your posts too! orngbiggrin.gif Reading your post about the postpartum period just hit me, it's like reading about life here! I'm planning on making lots of freezer meals to make things easier for DH. :)

post #30 of 46

Wow, what a thought provoking thread!  

 

I have no fears about actual birth.  I have TONS of fear and anxiety about everything else.  

 

I am constantly thinking about what will happen if my health takes a turn for the worse.  I had pre eclampsia last time and I also have preexisting high blood pressure.  I'm constantly thinking about what will happen if I develop pre e again, what on earth we will do if I have to be hospitalized (last time it was for a week before DS's birth), who will take care of our son since we have no one who is readily available, on and on and on.  

 

We have no plan for the care of our son.  We have no real options that we are comfortable with and it is killing me right now.  All of our family either lives a flight away, or is not very involved in our lives in the first place.  DH's parents are 40 minutes away, but they do not know the first thing about our son or caring for him.  Not to mention, they have not ever offered any help so I don't imagine they will now.  Our sitters are only available on the weekends.... all of my mom friends already have at least two of their own to care for, so I don't feel comfortable asking for them to help... what to do?

post #31 of 46

mariee, would you feel comfortable dropping off your son at a friend's house while in labor? A mom with kids to care for might not be able to be mobile per se, but maybe could watch your son at her place?

 

I don't have any "new" birth fears, just my usual ones about tearing and the baby being too large.

post #32 of 46

Mariee - don't feel like you can't ask mom friends , i have 3 of my own and this one on the way and i would (and have) take any of my friend's kids for a day or a few days if they needed me to for an emergency like birth or a surgery or hospital stay, its not always as big of a deal as you'd think ..
 

post #33 of 46

Like Brambleberry, I have to say the pre-term labour thing is about the most freaked out about anything I've ever been! Both times I've gone into the hospital to be checked I've had a total emotional breakdown because the idea of failing at carrying this baby to term really is the worst thing I can imagine happening even if I have made it past the viable point.

 

I'm slowly working through my anxieties that come on when I get Braxton Hicks but it's a pretty deep down feeling that I fight back every time I try to take a walk and they start coming on every minute. I can randomly walk sometimes without them for a while and I all of a sudden feel giddy and free but then before too long I'm back in the vice grip again. No one has any answers except that my body is not adjusting very well and that getting them constantly is my new normal.

 

I've asked two midwives in two different countries as well as a few OBGYNs and nurses  "do you have any other patients with them this badly" and they say "no."  Not the answer I was going for!!!! And when I asked if I should go about my daily life they say "yes, you can just lie down when you get BH."  I had one resident Dr shrug and say "well do they hurt?"  as if they were something to not even acknowledge. I can't call it pain but it is arresting, it becomes hard to walk and breath and it's just intensely uncomfortable... 

 

I can't get much of an answer on how many of these contractions in a row is actually bad for me and baby. I feel like a few is no biggie but when I get up to 10 or more in an hour the baby starts to stretch out like they are trying to push for more space (I picture the scene in the garbage disposal from Star Wars).  I need to find my comfort zone with this somehow or get a definitive threshold to set when I am officially "off my feet." 


Edited by typebug - 12/4/12 at 2:56pm
post #34 of 46

Mariee-  I'm going to second a couple of mom's here- the more kids does not mean you can't ask your mom friends.  i know i take on more kids all the time and it's not a lot more trouble.  but i also have friends who avoid asking me b/c they figure 4 kids is so many that more will be unbearable.  but honestly, more is just slightly different chaos.  if a friend needs help (and labor surely counts!) i've always been able to make space for whatever I can do!  but i am not mobile and it's better to bring kids to me.  and most of my mom friends who are on the list for labor would expect the kids to be at their place for sure.  

 

Typebug-  i'm going to talk to my mom.  she had HORRIBLE BH and was actually prescribed red wine by the european docs to help ease her pains as from 4 months on w/ each pregnancy (5 total) she had them.  she couldn't breathe through them and says that labor wasn't bad b/c her BH were sometimes worse than contractions.  she was told to stay off her feet in the evening and have a drink.  my youngest sister was hard, but she also had this w/ her first.  i think some women have them harder.  she also had horrible PMS and cramps and thinks they're related.  i don't cramp and don't have the BH that my mother had.  i don't think you should worry about the BH being bad for the baby- i have labor for a long time leading up to labor- weeks for a few.  and i would go for 6-8 hours w/ 7-10 BH/contractions an hour at a stretch.  they just never turned into labor.  the baby fought back, and all my babies fought back during labor too!  i don't think it hurts them so much as annoys them.  maybe getting a definitive threshold would be good- i have one!!!  when it's past 6ish and they come 3 in a row strong enough to make my back ache and me catch my breath, i'm done.  i'm off my feet with a big cup and i don't do anything else.  they stop right away, but i don't usually go more than 3 for fear that they'll get rhythmic which can be scary.  i have been out and about and in the midst of things when they start, but just say "whoa- i need to get off my feet" and everyone usually does everything possible to make that happen.  it's nice to be shaped like Humpty-dumpty sometimes!

post #35 of 46

type bug- do you have access to a good prenatally trained chiropractor?  I had tons of BH with my first pregnancy and horrible round ligament pain  - i started seeing a chiropractor during my 2nd pregnancy for a breech baby (34 wks) and suddenly my BH and RLP stopped(along with hip pain and back pain..)  - i didn't think anything of it, then my 3rd i saw the chiro the whole time and hardly had any BH/RLP .. (this time it has been even less) i mentioned it to the chiropractor last pregnancy and apparently what they do helps with that - i had no idea! but it sure has made a huge difference .. if i start having a  lof of BH or RLP i make an appt and he "fixes" it ..sometimes what he does kind of hurts, he pushes on the tight ligaments at certain points until they "release"..  this involves him feeling around my butt and belly, which is a bit awkward .. but worth it.

post #36 of 46

As long as everything is going reasonably well, I'm fine.  But the first sign of something funky, I freak out a bit.  It's definitely better since Buko is now pretty viable (almost 28 weeks), but still.  This is definitely d/t a combination of my general neurosis and the fact that my first pregnancy was a loss @ 8-10 weeks and happened RIGHT before this one.  So even though I feel I've dealt well with it, and pretty thoroughly, there hasn't been much time to help heal the wound.  I mean, I just passed my original due date a couple weeks ago, so it's pretty fresh.

 

Like the other night, I had a weird, but brief, episode of lightheadedness and I was all PREECLAMPSIA OMG!!!  Then it went away and I calmed down.  I seem to process these things pretty well in the end-- but my initial reaction is almost always FULL ON FREAK OUT MODE!!11!!!

 

As for birth, I am not so much afraid of pain, or really of anything major "going wrong," but I'm kinda afraid of being afraid, if that makes sense.  I mean, see above.  It's not that hard for me to let my fears spiral out of control, at least in the short term, and that would suck in labor.  I am starting BlissBorn (a new hypnosis-for-birth program like HypnoBirth/HypnoBabies) next month, so I think that will help me.  And more meditation!

post #37 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by etsdtm99 View Post

type bug- do you have access to a good prenatally trained chiropractor?  I had tons of BH with my first pregnancy and horrible round ligament pain  - i started seeing a chiropractor during my 2nd pregnancy for a breech baby (34 wks) and suddenly my BH and RLP stopped(along with hip pain and back pain..)  - i didn't think anything of it, then my 3rd i saw the chiro the whole time and hardly had any BH/RLP .. (this time it has been even less) i mentioned it to the chiropractor last pregnancy and apparently what they do helps with that - i had no idea! but it sure has made a huge difference .. if i start having a  lof of BH or RLP i make an appt and he "fixes" it ..sometimes what he does kind of hurts, he pushes on the tight ligaments at certain points until they "release"..  this involves him feeling around my butt and belly, which is a bit awkward .. but worth it.
I've been going to someone every few weeks who has done some adjustments but I think I'm going to change to a more pregnancy and birth specific osteopath. I recently heard about one. Heck it's covered by my insurance I might as well go every week!
post #38 of 46

Well, as for asking my mom friends to help care for our son, I have a bit of a touchy situation that I don't know how to navigate.  My closest mom friend has husband that makes us uncomfortable.   Pretty sure he is an alcoholic, he is verbally abusive, and I think (based on the way both my husband and I have seen him act) that he may have a personality or emotional disorder, too.  He is rough with their son and is uninterested in their newborn.   I trust my friend and her judgement when it comes to her kids, and I really enjoy spending time with her and her kids,  but neither my husband nor I could ever leave our son at their house with the husband around.  I've never come out and addressed this with my friend because I think she is more comfortable NOT talking about it, you know?

 

So the problem is that we are friends with all of the same moms nearby.  Any other mom that I might ask, my friend also knows.  So it would be really awkward if I asked a different mom  for help (that I am not as close to as my friend)  and not her.  This seems so high school-ish.... but I don't want to hurt or bewilder my friend by asking someone else... What do I do?

 

Buko- I loved, loved, loved Hypnobabies with our son.  The whole preparation course and bonding with my husband was awesome!  It is one of the best things we have ever done together and I still use the hypnosis techniques to fall asleep sometimes.  I hope you enjoy it! 

post #39 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariee View Post

Well, as for asking my mom friends to help care for our son, I have a bit of a touchy situation that I don't know how to navigate.  My closest mom friend has husband that makes us uncomfortable.   Pretty sure he is an alcoholic, he is verbally abusive, and I think (based on the way both my husband and I have seen him act) that he may have a personality or emotional disorder, too.  He is rough with their son and is uninterested in their newborn.   I trust my friend and her judgement when it comes to her kids, and I really enjoy spending time with her and her kids,  but neither my husband nor I could ever leave our son at their house with the husband around.  I've never come out and addressed this with my friend because I think she is more comfortable NOT talking about it, you know?

 

So the problem is that we are friends with all of the same moms nearby.  Any other mom that I might ask, my friend also knows.  So it would be really awkward if I asked a different mom  for help (that I am not as close to as my friend)  and not her.  This seems so high school-ish.... but I don't want to hurt or bewilder my friend by asking someone else... What do I do?

 

Buko- I loved, loved, loved Hypnobabies with our son.  The whole preparation course and bonding with my husband was awesome!  It is one of the best things we have ever done together and I still use the hypnosis techniques to fall asleep sometimes.  I hope you enjoy it! 

wow- that is tough.  but i would say that don't let this one friend inhibit asking other moms.

 

i know i have some friends who i'm personally closer to, but when it comes to kids and family and husbands and relationships, it's complicated.  in fact, many of my closer friends are usually unable to really handle all my kids (even thought they'd love to) and so i just balance it as i can.

 

and let it go- it is high-schoolish.  lots of things are, but you can't carry all this yourself, so you need to just release it all and get the help you need for this next thing.

post #40 of 46

mariee maybe you could use the fact that your friend has a newborn as an excuse not to ask her? Such as "oh, I thought it would be too much on you because you have a young baby". She might figure out the real reason, but if she's not ready/unwilling to talk about her husband's issues than maybe she'll stay mum.

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