43 year old with subchoriaric hemorage...need information, advice and encouragement « Back to Group Discussions

[orthodoxmom]

Hi. I am 43. I have three children (ages 17, 13, and 21/2) Yes....BIG gap. Baby #3 was a big surprise and now.....I'm 6 weeks pregnant. Surprise again. Honestly we tried after our youngest was almost a year....had a miscarriage after trying a couple months, tried again but gave up about 8 months ago and firmly decided and came to grips with that we didn't really want anymore at this age or with other factors in our life. And yet, here we are again.

So as I struggle with many many MANY mixed emotions (not to mention horomones) we are dealing with a subchoriaric hemorage at 6 weeks.....(I posted about this yesterday)....and a 17 year old who is seemingly angry about it and a strong desire NOT to tell my family as I just know they will be judgemental and not all that supportive....but I did end up sending out a large group email this morning...to save me from telling each individual one by one and to be sure they all got the same information.

The hemorage is not causing much bleeding....so far, but now suddenly there is red blood this morning...before that the last spotting I had wasthe day before yesterday...it was pink so I wasnt happy with that but still very light .... I'm trying to remain hopeful despite the fact that statistics are worse when older...and the red today :(

It's also my 17 year old that worries me. This is her senior year and I wanted it to be really special . Not that it can't be but right now she is acting angry and we know she hasn't even shared this information with her best friend yet and refuses to talk to her brother about it (who is very excited and hopeful). I'm just wondering if anyone else has had older children who are not happy about another sibling.... and I don't mean a few years older and typical jealousy issues. I mean older...teenagers...and really seems angry and unhappy about the situation.  So I hesitate to ask her for help too.  She doesn't even ask how I'm feeling....

And I'm still struggling with my own mixed emotions. This is something I really wanted a year and a half ago. But had really decided against and had accepted that completely. But this is possibly a life that I have been given by a God who knows better than me. So I struggle with a mixture of joy and shock and feelings of not being capable of dealing with another pregnancy, another LABOR, and more dirty diapers. That probably sounds terrible to most of you. But dealing with the possible threat of miscarriage also terrifies me so I know deep down, despite my worries and fears, I do want this child. I know I want this child.  I know I do. And I do want my family, especially my daughter, to be happy for me.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent a bit and perhaps seek some words of encouragement. Thank you to all that take the time to read this. Prayers are always welcome. :) I'm scared.

[Lynann]

Firstly I'll be praying everything goes well and this baby makes it through the next few months.

I don't have teenagers, so can't help there. Could she be feeling jealous that the baby is due around the time of graduation and will steal some of her thunder? Or some teenagers are just grossed out at thinking about their parents being sexual being, something that can't be denied when you are pregnant. My suggestion would be to talk with her and ask her how she feels about it. Maybe go out just the 2 of you and do something special together and see if it comes up in the conversation, or try to bring it up in conversation if it doesn't feel awkward.

[Mamma Mia]

I'm sorry you are going through this, and I know about that mother daughter bond that makes it so hard when our daughters are angry or resentful.  My daughter is only 10 (even she acts 17) but her approval and love is the core of my day.  Could it be that she is actually angry about the stress of not knowing and just doesn't know how to handle it and ends up pushing you away?  Sometimes kids show their feelings in cryptic ways, ya know?

I said in the other thread that I hope you can get seen during office hours to get some better answers, and I still hope that's true!

For now, I'm sending lots of love and support your way and hoping for good news for you soon.

[SweetMama34]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I'd say that everything you're feeling is par for the course, too. You aren't abnormal, in other words.

I had a SCH with my last pregnancy (and potentially this one...yet to be determined) - and a very healthy pregnancy and baby otherwise.

Any bleeding during pregnancy does nothing to calm our nerves, though. Hang in there, mama...things will smooth over soon with everything, I'm sure.

[orthodoxmom]

Thank you ladies.

As for my daughter, I'm not sure.  She reacted this way prior to my miscarriage over a year ago too.  And she was less involved with the pregnancy of my two year old than my other son was.  She is still less involved with him.  She loves him.  I know she does but also appears 'bothered' by him.  Her show of love and affection seems  to come and go like the birds in the sky.  So while she loves him, I know she also sees another child in the house as a sort of nusiance.  And this really bothers me.  I try to understand that she's a teenager and perhaps this is normal.....it is after all strange for a 17 year old to have a mother that's pregnant....but it still worries me that this is straining our relationship.

[kikaaaso]

I am going to send you a private message!!