Santa and your special needs child.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

So the Santa thread in tao got me thinking about if you handle Santa differently with a special needs child. 

My oldest is on the spectrum.  I think he still believes in Santa.  He's 13.  He's pretty high functioning.  Most of his issues revolve around social things.  My concern is that he is going to be teased if he does still believe in Santa.  Do I ask him?  Do I tell him?  Do I just let things progress the way they seem to be?  I really don't want his eventual partner to have to break it to him!

[Thing1Thing2]

Lol! I don't know the answer to your questions - but I wanted to share my experience. I pretended to believe in Santa until I was 15 just so I could get the extra presents. I thought I wouldn't get as many if I told my mom. I think I knew since I was around age 6 that there was no Santa, but there was also alot of excitement and tradition about pretending Santa was coming and I enjoyed it.

On the other hand, my 4 year old has Aspergers and needs things to be very factual. I think I also have Aspergers (no DX yet) and couldn't keep up the charade, because I tend to be (overly) factual as well - maybe too factual for a 4 year old, but Im working on that!

So my DS knows that Santa isnt real. I have always told him that there is no "real" Santa, but we like to pretend there is.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by Thing1Thing2 

Lol! I don't know the answer to your questions - but I wanted to share my experience. I pretended to believe in Santa until I was 15 just so I could get the extra presents. I thought I wouldn't get as many if I told my mom. I think I knew since I was around age 6 that there was no Santa, but there was also alot of excitement and tradition about pretending Santa was coming and I enjoyed it.

On the other hand, my 4 year old has Aspergers and needs things to be very factual. I think I also have Aspergers (no DX yet) and couldn't keep up the charade, because I tend to be (overly) factual as well - maybe too factual for a 4 year old, but Im working on that!

So my DS knows that Santa isnt real. I have always told him that there is no "real" Santa, but we like to pretend there is.

 I did the same thing!  I didn't want to disappoint my parents because they still had so much fun pretending there was a Santa.  Even after they found out we all knew, we still got Santa presents. 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I wonder if I should just get him alone and ask what he thinks of Santa?  I'm also concerned that if he doesn't already know and I tell him that he won't be able to keep it from his younger brothers.  He doesn't really get the whispering thing, and when he does, it's so loud it can be heard across the room!

[FarmerBeth]

I worried about the same thing with my ASD son at age 11 last year.  Fortunately, right around when I was worrying that he should figure it out soon so to avoid teasing, my 10 year old (no special needs) asked me in front of him but not the youngest, so I had a reason to broach  it.  I just explained how Santa was actually really me carrying on the tradition of Saint Nicholas.  I was scared he'd feel betrayed because he's really literal about truth, but he was able to get that it was something meant so adults could share some special fun with younger children.  I got him to promise not to talk about it again (and he hasn't, he was very literal about that, too) so that we don't spoil it for the 8 yr old, and I enlisted him to tell me what to "write Santa about getting X" .  He's feeling pretty cool helping out.  He really didn't know without me telling him, though, while my neuro typical daughter said she'd already suspected for a while, but he did know about the Easter Bunny because "There's no way rabbits can hold the Easter Baskets since they aren't able to maintain an upright walking position, so it had to either be a myth or a species of rabbit that's not been discovered" lol!
 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I can't stop giggling about the Easter Bunny!     I'm going to talk to dh about it tonight and decide how we want to handle it.  My middle son is 11, and I suspect he's already gotten it figured out, and my youngest is 8 and still heavily into Santa. 

[Fay]

My kids have always been terrified of mall Santas.  It was important from day 1 to tell them that people like to play pretend, and those are just people wearing Santa costumes to celebrate Christmas and honor the memory of St. Nick.  We do put our shoes outside on Dec. 6 for St. Nick, but the kids know it is pretend and they enjoy getting the Trader Joe chocolate coins in their shoes.  My DH (probably also on the spectrum) has a big problem with lying to kids about the tooth fairy, Santa, etc., but he is OK with making it a game where everyone knows the truth.

[Thing1Thing2]

Originally Posted by QueenOfTheMeadow 

I wonder if I should just get him alone and ask what he thinks of Santa?  I'm also concerned that if he doesn't already know and I tell him that he won't be able to keep it from his younger brothers.  He doesn't really get the whispering thing, and when he does, it's so loud it can be heard across the room!

Haha! I know what you mean about the whispering thing!!

I don't have much experience with teens, but I would just leave it as is. It seems he's happy believing in Santa - or pretending to believe lol!!

[Zan&Zav]

I seem to have the opposite problem, my 7 year old typical son believes, and my 5 year old autistic son has never believed. Y 5 year old insists that even with time zones, it couldn't be done, there simply isn't enough time. His other reason is that if there was a Santa, all children would get equal gifts little bugger I to smart for his own good. I don't know weather to tell 7 year old the truth or insist to 5 year old that he is real. They argue about it a lot