*** Belly Thread *** May 2013 *** - Page 23 « Back to Group Discussions

[Quinalla]

Originally Posted by timesway 

I'm nearly at 28 and last week the apps said baby was 15 inches long.. I can feel him hitting my cervix and my lungs/ribs all at once but still .. I got a tape measure out to invisage 15 inches and its bloody huge!! I'm still getting comments from people because I don't show much atall suggesting I'm starving myself or my baby's not growing .. At my last mw appointment I was measuring 1.5 cm ahead annnd I've put on over 20lbs.. Grr!! I think this is why I'm so desperate to just have a ginormous belly to shut people up!! :P

Sorry people are giving you a rough time, I got the same with my first pregnancy (every time you post a belly picture it reminds me of last time!) and started to get really irritated that I wasn't showing or showing enough. With twins, I'm now getting opposite comments that I'll never make it until May 24th (probably not, but I hope I'm close!), but with two babies that big in my belly, it's actually pretty small honestly

Finally getting the cervix kicks now, didn't miss those! My babies are still flipping around a lot though, but they seem to like to be transverse on top of each other most right now, I hope they get out of that.

[Mama4life14]

Times-that sucks that people even say those kind of things to you. Everybody carries differently. I remember my last pregnancy, everyone would say "you're so tiny!!" Thinking it was a compliment.. Ugh no, that just makes me worry that something is wrong. People need to just say.. You're looking great! And end it there. Your boy will be perfect!!

[timesway]

Thankyou :) i had a scan today and that was good.. altho baby has a pretty large head *meep* lol.. hes measuring just under for all the other size stuff but well ahead for the head now (altho the u/s person rushed it as we had a bit of an episodic visit to the hosp today (will explain more in the other thread) so im not certain she got the measurements totally right.. bump is also measuring the same as last week up/down which is now spot on (27.5) ..but yeh its frustrating.. i sometimes at least look preg now.. especially in my maternity dresses with a belt around my empire line (trying to make a feature of it now as otherwise i just look fat!! im sorry you've both had problems too with people.. i think the long back explanation makes a lot of sense.. i mean babys only just reached my ribs.. where someone who was 5'2 would have had the baby in there ribs at 20 weeks or before probbaly becasues there back is shorter.. so at that point babys gonna stick out i guess.. plus i also think that perhaps altho my core muscles are rediculously weak because of my eds, i lock my body to do things, which means my external muscles inmy arms for exampple are pretty bulky and stronger then you'd expect.. so perhaps same thing with my tummy?

[AmandaLynnH]

I saw a coworker today who has been out of the office due to an injury since Halloween and hasn't seen me since our Christmas party and she asked me to stand up and exclaimed, 'holy corona!'  I reminded her that I'm nearly 7 months (I think that's right according to google) and she said, 'well you don't look big enough for 7 months.'  So I guess it's a rather startling change but I still look small (which I don't mind a bit).

My mother is getting uber creepy insisting I send her a picture of me pregnant.  You can tell from my lack of posting pictures here that I'm not terribly comfortable with all of the body attention and it's really all because of her and her constant comments on my weight and reminders/threats that 'she was skinny too before she had kids.'  I told her this weekend that it kinda creeped me out but she still keeps asking for them.  

Anyone else find the body fixation to be a bit uncomfortable?

[kimble]

Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH 

Anyone else find the body fixation to be a bit uncomfortable?

me! I am uncomfortable when co-workers comment on my appearance. It's generally good things ("you're carrying so well" etc) but happening on an almost daily basis. I was pretty small to start with and feel huge by this point and don't like the physical comments.

To me, this is another one of those social lines people seem to think is OK to cross with pregnant ladies. I mean, if I wasn't pregnant and gained 20 pounds over the past few months, I doubt people would be commenting on it every day, They'd be trying to ignore it. Several of my co-workers lost considerable amounts of weight last year and it was rarely a discussion topic in the lunch room.

As we can see here there is huge variability in how our bodies change during pregnancy. It's our of our control, so complements or criticism just seem awkward.

[nstewart]

I hate it when people comment on my size or relative size ("oh, you look bigger this time" or "You seem small for x number of weeks") but don't mind other compliments.  A coworker commented yesterday "You look so cute!  You should have 10 babies because you really pull it off!"  How could I mind that, especially when I'd been feeling frumpy lately?!   I don't usually mind if people comment on how I am carrying because it usually goes along with trying to guess gender since we didn't find out.  Gender guessing is everyone's favorite game and I like to play along too.

It is an odd thing, people feel entitled to just cross over barriers they never would if you weren't preggo for sure.

[Loogiejane]

What I don't get is why there arent more people questioning if a pregnant lady wants to hear certain things. Why don't people just keep it to "you look great!" no matter what they're thinking?

I even had a mom of one of my students last week ask how I am feeling. I went on to tell her I'm doing o.k and she said she wasn't sure if it's always o.k to ask that. And I'm like "oh! No, I think it's nice to ask a pregnant person how she's feeling." More people should be like that with their actual comments. 

[pastormama]

Anyone else find the body fixation to be a bit uncomfortable?

Absolutely!  Although, strangely, I've noticed different trends between pregnancy #1 and #2.  With #1, we lived in Kansas.  People commented relentlessly on my size, how awful I looked, how swollen I was, how miserable I must be.  It was beyond insulting - it was demoralizing and contributed to a very unpleasant end to my pregnancy.

This time, I look and feel about the same size, but we live in Tennessee.  People don't comment much at all!  In fact, last week, I had two people ask (honestly) if I was expecting!  (I am clearly expecting.  I would not be insulted if someone assumed this at this point!)  I don't know if it's because most people know I already have one child and don't find it exciting to scare me with their stories and comments, or what.  It's very refreshing to find my body less a topic of conversation!

[Quinalla]

Yes, the body focus can be very annoying when it is not handled positively, "Oh you look so great!" or "Oh, you are such a cute/beautiful/etc. pregnant lady!" comments are great and I don't personally let other body comments bug me, but I still see them as SO rude. My boss is rude in that way though to everyone (verbal spewing), so at least he isn't singling me out Touching without asking is the one that really bothers me and I'm a touchy-feely person so if asked I almost always will say yes. Comments are bad enough, but to touch someone just because they are pregnant boggles my mind

[PhilsBabyMama]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

What I don't get is why there arent more people questioning if a pregnant lady wants to hear certain things. Why don't people just keep it to "you look great!" no matter what they're thinking?

I even had a mom of one of my students last week ask how I am feeling. I went on to tell her I'm doing o.k and she said she wasn't sure if it's always o.k to ask that. And I'm like "oh! No, I think it's nice to ask a pregnant person how she's feeling." More people should be like that with their actual comments. 

You know what's funny? It kind of irks me that people always ask how I'm feeling. Maybe it's because the (well meaning, and super nice) moms all seem to ask me how I'm feeling the three days a week during pick up/ drop off at my son's school. The sheer number of times I have to answer that question, coupled with the sympathetic/pitying looks makes me feel like I have a terminal illness. I feel like saying "I'm pregnant, not dying!" but happily have managed to bite back that particular response thus far.

I also have dealt with the comments about my body. I'm more used to it this time around, and I know that it's (mostly) meant to be complimentary, but hearing how small I am all the the time gets old, too. At least I haven't gotten any of the nastier comments that I fielded last time around, insinuating that I must be starving my baby somehow or that I would not be able to have a vaginal birth because I'm not big "enough."

[Loogiejane]

Originally Posted by PhilsBabyMama 


You know what's funny? It kind of irks me that people always ask how I'm feeling. Maybe it's because the (well meaning, and super nice) moms all seem to ask me how I'm feeling the three days a week during pick up/ drop off at my son's school. The sheer number of times I have to answer that question, coupled with the sympathetic/pitying looks makes me feel like I have a terminal illness. I feel like saying "I'm pregnant, not dying!" but happily have managed to bite back that particular response thus far.
 

Well I think the average pregnant woman does experience discomfort or sickness at some point so I feel like it's nice for someone to acknowledge it with a "how are you feeling?" Not to treat it like an illness by any means, but to acknowledge "im thinking of you". I guess from strangers or just aquaintences it can come off as weird.

I have to say I'm sort of offended by the friends of mine who don't ever ask how I'm feeling. Moreso the friends who I dont see or speak to often. It's weird for me when I go a month or so without speaking to a friend, they call to vent about something or to just catch up and dont ask one thing about my pregnancy. Maybe I'm just being a baby? I mean I know at the end of the day, about life in general, people dont really care and are just so wrapped up in their own lives, but still. 

[CoBabyMaker]

I have a hard time with the "How are you feeling?" question sometimes too.  I realize that it's totally well intentioned and I don't find it offensive.  I just feel bad because I feel like I don't often have a positive answer to offer.  I don't want to be negative but for the first 15-17 weeks the answer is that I feel like I might puke and the last 15 weeks I am tired and uncomfortable.  I just feel bad for the person asking cause I feel like I don't have a nice answer to a question they asked to be nice!

[Loogiejane]

Originally Posted by CoBabyMaker 

  I just feel bad for the person asking cause I feel like I don't have a nice answer to a question they asked to be nice!

So why lie? Usually to save the person the real details I say something like "doing ok...I mean, I've got my things. Could be worse" You shouldnt feel obligated to say everything is honky dory if its not. I dont mean to sound so aggressive about it...

[lisedea]

I've got a rude comment to share...and it came from my MFM (high risk doctor)!

Last week I was in at my 26 week growth scan. (Now, I am measuring 37.5 weeks right now and am up 37 pounds--so I am a bit self-conscious as it is.) My doctor walked into the room and said, "Wow, I almost didn't recognize you...you look like you are ready to pop and your face has gotten fuller."

Thanks a lot.

[PhilsBabyMama]

Originally Posted by lisedea 

I've got a rude comment to share...and it came from my MFM (high risk doctor)!

Last week I was in at my 26 week growth scan. (Now, I am measuring 37.5 weeks right now and am up 37 pounds--so I am a bit self-conscious as it is.) My doctor walked into the room and said, "Wow, I almost didn't recognize you...you look like you are ready to pop and your face has gotten fuller."

Thanks a lot.

Gee, thanks, doc. You'd think he or she'd dealt with enough pregnant women to know better. In fact, you'd think *anyone* would know better!

[Quinalla]

Originally Posted by lisedea 

I've got a rude comment to share...and it came from my MFM (high risk doctor)!

Last week I was in at my 26 week growth scan. (Now, I am measuring 37.5 weeks right now and am up 37 pounds--so I am a bit self-conscious as it is.) My doctor walked into the room and said, "Wow, I almost didn't recognize you...you look like you are ready to pop and your face has gotten fuller."

Thanks a lot.

Wow, that's awful, sorry lisedea

I don't mind the "How are you feeling?" question when it is meant well. Sometimes it gets annoying if it is the 100th time I've answered that day, but I try not to take it out on the person who doesn't know that. Usually people are just trying to be friendly and offer sympathy. The people who look at me like I'm dying or whatever, yeah that's annoying and rude. And I totally give people an honest answer, if I'm not feeling well I'll tell them, though I don't go into gory detail unless I'm close to the person or if the person is being rude then I will just to get them to stop asking I actually have the problem that folks usually don't believe that I feel good as I did for nearly all my first pregnancy and some of this one, that pisses me off!

[Loogiejane]

Originally Posted by lisedea 

I've got a rude comment to share...and it came from my MFM (high risk doctor)!

Last week I was in at my 26 week growth scan. (Now, I am measuring 37.5 weeks right now and am up 37 pounds--so I am a bit self-conscious as it is.) My doctor walked into the room and said, "Wow, I almost didn't recognize you...you look like you are ready to pop and your face has gotten fuller."

Thanks a lot.

Are you KIDDING me!? How unprofessional!!!!!!! Did you speak up?

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by lisedea 

I've got a rude comment to share...and it came from my MFM (high risk doctor)!

Last week I was in at my 26 week growth scan. (Now, I am measuring 37.5 weeks right now and am up 37 pounds--so I am a bit self-conscious as it is.) My doctor walked into the room and said, "Wow, I almost didn't recognize you...you look like you are ready to pop and your face has gotten fuller."

Thanks a lot.

Yes, I agree with everyone else.  That is horrible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Are you KIDDING me!? How unprofessional!!!!!!! Did you speak up?

If it were me, I would be so stunned and my jaw would be so far on the floor I wouldn't be able to.

[lisedea]

Originally Posted by nstewart 

If it were me, I would be so stunned and my jaw would be so far on the floor I wouldn't be able to.

EXACTLY! It actually almost took me a full 20 minutes to really process that he really said it. He is a very awkward doctor...so I guess in a way it didn't surprise me. But, definitely should know better with how many pregnant women he works with...and totally made me more self-conscious.

[Loogiejane]

Originally Posted by lisedea 


EXACTLY! It actually almost took me a full 20 minutes to really process that he really said it. He is a very awkward doctor...so I guess in a way it didn't surprise me. But, definitely should know better with how many pregnant women he works with...and totally made me more self-conscious.

Yea I can see how shock would take over. I'm so sensitive and way too sassy though, I probably would have immediately started crying and said something rude.