I have a bit of a rant / vent that I just needed to get out of my system, but would love any thoughts if you’ve ever dealt with similar experiences yourselves.
I'm a FTM currently 38 weeks pregnant and my husband and I are excitedly expecting a son very soon. We're having a planned waterbirth at our home in San Francisco and we have a FABULOUS birth team: 2 UCSF trained Nurse Practitioner Midwives, a 1 CNM Assistant, and 1 incredible Doula. We are talking women with stellar medical credentials and a combined record extensive record of successful homebirths in the low thousands with an incredibly low rate of hospital transfer. I've done years of research / homework into homebirth safety (homebirth is VERY popular in San Francisco - yeay hippies!) and taken all the necessary precautions including having a hospital on-call with with very supportive pro-homebirth OBYGNs in the rare event that there should there be an emergency need to transfer. We are confident, excited, and well prepared to embark on our homebirth journey.
My rant is with my Grandmother, who is very conservative (picture country club wasp-y in that Madmen kind of way) and incredibly unsupportive of even discussing the concept of homebirth. She considers the idea of waterbirth to be silly and relies on 1950s birth culture to dictate all of her opinions on childbirth... going to the hospital on the first contraction, having a highly medicated if not totally unconscious birth (twilight sleep), having an episiotomy and lithotomy positioned birth, having baby stay in nursery exclusively), staying in the hospital for as long as possible. We are talking about as out of touch as you can get, even with modern hospital maternity practices. I never really had an opportunity to explain our birth plan and the research I've done because she was so volatile against even discussing homebirth, and I essentially resigned myself to lying to her about our birth plans (saying we would be in a hospital) so that she would get off my back.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel awful about lying to my Grandma, but I feel that I need to protect myself from her bad energy / attitude. She’s mentioned that if I were to go into labor in her presence, she would whisk me off to the hospital without a thought… even after explaining that hospital policy would require my contractions to be a certain timing apart (5-1-1 for example). She joked that I would just have to lie to them… sigh. I’m really frustrated with her attitude and declining invitations to have lunch with her for fear that I’ll go into labor and suddenly find myself in a position where she’s attempting to hold me captive. Totally ridiculous scenario… I know. I’m just feeling angry that she couldn’t be more supportive or confident in my ability to make an informed decision for myself and my family. I hope to be able to be honest with her as to how our birth plans really went once our son is born, and hopefully they’ll be no bad blood between us over it.
Anyway, I was just hoping to vent to empathetic eyes and wondering if anyone out there has dealt with this kind of unsupportive family member and how you dealt with it. I guess the obvious answer would to be not caring about what she thinks, but we don’t have that kind of relationship sadly. I’ve always felt the need to placate her as she’s pretty opinionated and judgmental. Maybe I just need to grow up, claim my authority as a woman and mother, and get over it. ;p
Thank you all for reading my long vent… already feeling the pressure gauge dropping. *breathes sigh of relief*