Going back to work? - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[LilyTiger]

My first official day back leaving Piper with the nanny was somewhat a disaster.  Our nanny is a talker, so it took me forever to get through the basics of where stuff was, feeding, diapering, and so on.  When I finally got out the door, I realized I forgot my wallet halfway to campus (partially because the nanny was chatting so much I had to literally escape without checking my bag like I usually do).  As a result, I didn't have my ID card on campus to get out the documentary for class tonight.  The student worker took pity on me, though she made it a point to tell me that she wasn't supposed to.  After a long three hour class, I got home to find that Piper had gone to bed but had been both exhausted and hungry when DH got home from work.  I guess our nanny didn't recognize her hunger cries even though I told her she would probably need to be fed around 5.  The noise machine we found for the nursery also apparently shuts itself off, meaning that Piper woke up 15 minutes into her nap because she can't sleep without white noise and I guess our nanny couldn't get her down again.  When DH got home at 6 he tried putting her down and ended up feeding her almost 9 oz (!!!) before finally getting her to bed at 9, which is about two hours later than we've been putting her down lately.  So frustrating.

I really like our nanny in general, but I'm not sure she's super amazing with babies.  She interacts really well with them and she's great with playing and going for walks and reading to her, but she's not great on the nurturing side of things.  It's hard too because Piper is not an easy baby in that you have to be super careful about making her take naps.  She gets exhausted but fights sleep because she wants to be looking at people and things.  I only barely get her down for naps during the day by nursing her down, sometimes spending half an hour to 45 minutes to get her down for a 1 hour nap.  I know that's not realistic for someone without milk producing boobs, but I had hoped an experienced nanny would have some tricks up her sleeve.  I guess it's unrealistic to think she would just know what to do for this particular baby after one day.  They'll have to get used to each other, but the whole thing just breaks my heart.  :(

[Veritas Vitae]

So sorry, Momma. *hugs* I'm sure she will get better at reading Piper's cues.  I know it is going to be so hard when it is time to go back to work.  I had a cry about going back when I went in to meet with the head hunter about finding a position.  I've been told it gets easier.  

[Lizbiz]

Quick reply here before I get ready for work:  It will get better. You are the mom and what you say needs to go, or the nanny needs to go.  I would schedule some time (20-30 minutes) with your nanny prior to her next shift (or make it work so you can stay longer) to review what happened and give her very clear, detailed re-direction.  I would also let her know that you are a first-time mom with many priorities you are juggling - you can't focus on chatty conversation with her while your'e trying to get out the door - it's not personal - you just need to focus on getting out the door with your wallet (I would tell her what happened!).  

Be kind, but be firm about your expectations - if this is going to work, she needs to do x,y, and z.  If she needs to work for Piper's naps - then she needs to do that.  Not all babies are easy down-to-nap babies!  Let her know it might take her an hour to get Piper down, and she needs to be prepared for that.  

I've so so been there - hang in there - the first day (and the first baby) is usually the worst.  Stick to your guns and insist on care that goes beyond keeping her alive while your'e gone.  

Hugs!!!

[rebecca10]

It will get better!  But I agree with Liz--don't feel embarrased or afraid to demand the care you want for your daughter.  If she needs to be walked for 45 minutes to get to sleep, and that is what you or your husband would do, that's what your nanny should do.  My nanny for example held my daughter for all of her naps for many months because it is the only way she would sleep.  Just make sure you adjust other expectations like how much housework will get done.  Also, you may be doing this already, but i find it very helpful to schedule some overlap time in the morning with our nanny.  This gives me some kid-free time to get ready, but also a regular chance to check-in with each other without making myself late.

[LilyTiger]

Rebecca and Liz, thanks so much.  I generally avoid direct confrontation of any sort, so it's super hard for me to put my foot down about things.  I thought about how to approach it today and decided that I'll make a sort of document that I'll go over with her that discusses things in terms of Piper's needs (not necessarily what I "want").  It might sound kind of indirect, but I think it's important that she see naps as a "need" rather than just something I want to have happen (like emptying the dishwasher).  It can also be a way for us to document changes as she grows and her schedule changes.  We don't really have much housework for her to do and that's not my primary focus anyway, which means she can definitely focus on putting Piper down for naps properly. 

I think our nanny will be fine with it, it was just a little chaotic trying to give her all this information at the time.  And I will definitely be around for the first hour of each day so we can touch base on things if necessary (but only if necessary since I also need to get ready for work!).

Since Piper was with my in-laws today while I did some writing (she had a fantastic day, phew!), I got home and realized how much I missed her.  She nursed for longer than usual and was kind of quiet and observant but not very responsive.  I matched my mood to hers and held her and talked to her and finally put her in the Ergo and went for a walk.  I didn't want anything distracting me from her, so I just brought our old greyhound instead of our crazy dogs.  We walked down the street and I buried my nose in her head, just smelling that amazing baby smell.  It felt so good to connect with her after two days apart.  I could almost feel the oxytocin running through my veins.

I'm hoping having a nanny will help me connect more with her in these little ways when we're together instead of trying to find excuses to put her down so I can get work done (which is how I was "balancing" things before). 

[rebecca10]

Sounds like you have things under control, Lillytiger. I'm so glad today was such a better day. And i love the inage of you on your walk. I'm bad at confrontation too--ironically given my job, and continue to struggle with it with my nanny, especially in small things. In the latest particularly silly example, I somehow won't tell her I like my apples stored in the fridge, so she keeps taking them out and then I put them back in again and repeat. It's annoying and totally my fault. I really need to just mention it today.