How to sort and declutter when your life in the middle of big changes or in limbo? - Page 2

[erigeron]

s'ok. Hope it goes all right with the movers. Remember, it is their job and they have seen it all before, so even though it's weird to have strangers looking at your private stuff, they're really not going to be paying much attention to it. It's not like a gynecologist goes "ooh, another vagina" with every patient they examine. It's just what they do. 

I was on the fence about movers myself, but we are just moving locally and they're so darn expensive and we had several friends volunteer to help. Part of that may also be the stage of life our friends are in, not so much us. 

It sucks that you're so far from your friends. I'm sorry. 

[clarabow]

Hello.  

My name is Clare and I hope that this post is picked up on this thread . I live in a seaside town called Whitstable which is outside  London England. My reason for posting is because I felt now was a great time to set up the decluttering business, primarily due to the economic climate where for a long time our banks have been more unwilling to lend money for mortgages so people have found it more difficult to move.  I am working on the basis that rather than people moving, they may find that with a bit ( or lot ) of decluttering they can actually make where they currently live work for them.

I belong to APDO UK ,which is the professional body for UK declutterers and whilst an American lady here in Whitstable has set up my website and I am promoting my business as often as I can, I am aware that on a site called Mumsnet ( here in England ) and because I have been looking at the USA and Canada today, there are threads for people just offering support to anyone looking to declutter. 

Just for feedback purposes, it would be great to receive any replies if you think asking a professional declutterer to help you would be seen as a luxury and/or would their charges put you off ? 

I do get the impression that Americans and Canadians ( ? ) are more open to the idea of professional help .  Thank you for your time and any replies. My email address is [e-mail]

[~Adorkable~]

Hi Clare, if you would like to advertise on Mothering.com you can buy an advertising membership. Otherwise this sort of post is not really appropriate since I was not asking for professional help and you aren't even in a country that you could provide it to me.  You are most welcome to stick around, but you need to understand out User Agreement

[clarabow]

Ok, I'll leave it   Thank you 

[LoveOurBabies]

Oh mama, huge hugs to you. It really does suck to move with young children, do all the packing on your own, have a hoard of crap to pack and absolutely no help -- I should know, I did this three years ago.

We sold our house and had to move out in 6 weeks - I had a 3mo, 2yo and 4yo (all at home), suffering from constant headaches and I was on the brink of insanity. I'm into decluttering but for the sake of not going off my nut, I told Mr declutter go shove his idea up his ****.

We moved. It was painful, let me tell you. There is just no easy way to move around when you've an infant and toddler (or two in one category as you do) and do it on your own.

We've moved homes twice since then and are now finally settled in our home.. Guess what? I'm finally unpacking boxes that were packed 3 years ago. Three years ago I would have cringed at the thought of not being able to declutter for such a long time, but it's amazing at how fast the time has gone by! The huge time gap also gave me a good amount of time to contemplate what I wanted at this stage of my life and where I was going. So now, I'm able to just open boxes, have a quick glance and effortlessly rid of items that no longer fit the current lifestyle/dream, whereas 3 years ago I really did not know where I was going and would have suffered much anxiety trying to figure it all out before the deadline. It's simply not worth the headache.

All I can say is, unless an item is staring you in the face and begging to be let go, then pack it up to deal with a later date.

And whilst we're on the topic.. Who cares what the moving guys think about your stuff?? I put too much pressure on myself too when it comes to events like this.. But I had to remind myself: It's not like they haven't seen it all before AND what real bearing does their opinion have in my life anyway?

Good luck mama!!

[~Adorkable~]

well the move is going ok in some ways really sucky in others, most of the big stuff got moved and im struggling but slooooowly getting the remnants dealt with, ill be so much happier when i get to switch to unpacking mode, i do plan on doing a of decluttering on that end and it will feel great.

i want to mention in case i didn't earlier up the thread, in response to the "who cares about the moving guys seeing your stuff" comments.  as i mentioned before this is an anxiety, please don't be so easily dismissive of anxiety issues, when folks in my real life do that it is a horrible trigger for them to get way way worse.  please have some compassion for that anxiety is a mental disorder that while super irational is super real to the folks gripped by it. if you know someone in real life with deals with this, please spare them that pep talk, it does not help and can really hurt.

this is not about me being simply embarrassed by strangers seeing my stuff, this is me being terrified, having panic attacks and not sleeping. it is not rational, it is not based on any past real experience, that is what makes it a disorder.

[LoveOurBabies]

Originally Posted by ~Adorkable~ 

well the move is going ok in some ways really sucky in others, most of the big stuff got moved and im struggling but slooooowly getting the remnants dealt with, ill be so much happier when i get to switch to unpacking mode, i do plan on doing a of decluttering on that end and it will feel great.

i want to mention in case i didn't earlier up the thread, in response to the "who cares about the moving guys seeing your stuff" comments.  as i mentioned before this is an anxiety, please don't be so easily dismissive of anxiety issues, when folks in my real life do that it is a horrible trigger for them to get way way worse.  please have some compassion for that anxiety is a mental disorder that while super irational is super real to the folks gripped by it. if you know someone in real life with deals with this, please spare them that pep talk, it does not help and can really hurt.

this is not about me being simply embarrassed by strangers seeing my stuff, this is me being terrified, having panic attacks and not sleeping. it is not rational, it is not based on any past real experience, that is what makes it a disorder.

I'm going to PM you. xx

[~Adorkable~]

I want to explain something to folks with the hope that the next little girl does not grow up with issues like mine and if she does someone understands why and helps her.

My anxiety is a crippling thing for me and it is also nearly just about my belongings and home. Sadly I have a pretty good idea what triggered it..

As I child I was in a very wandering hippy lifestyle. We toured with the Dead, wet to a lot of festivals and gatherings and moved A LOT. Living in busses, on friends couches was common place. and each time we moved I would usually loose things, the adults around me did not seem to value any sort of consistently and maybe even liked to start fresh. but they failed to take in to consideration the effect of non willingly loosing ones stuff when you are young and love something.

over the years i had lost my childhood blanket (not a little snugly, but a full blanket that was gift from my mom) and nearly every toy i can remember having, lost or gone before i was anywhere near done playing with it. most always becasue od the nomadic style of out family and friends and the lact of respect for the impact it had on me

But there is sometimes a price to pay for what some would just call radical decluttering. A little girl that got more and more attached to each one of those little things that would up missing each time she woke in a different place.

I grew to place a ridiculous amount of importantance on simple everyday things and even things that some would consider trash, if I could associate them to an event in my life. I would treasure them and surround myself with them. And stress hugely when it logically because time to let them go.

This is one of the ways hoarding starts.

It has only been thru shear willpower that I keep above water and the angelic superpowers of just a handful of friends that really see my darkest sides that I avoid being consumed with this. I was once overrun with it and it took 5 years of digging to break free, it has been managed since then, but only barely at times.

I say all this not to address me but to address how kids and their belongings and attachments are handled. Please take them into account when "decluttering". Teach them to do it in a good way. Respect them if that are having trouble with it somedays. Listen to them if they have worries. While falling over yourself to cater to those worries might not be healthy, being dismissive, even with "pep talks" is often a very counterproductive road as well.

thanks for listening

Edited in the light of day when i was feeling calmer

Edited by ~Adorkable~ - 10/26/12 at 8:18am

[IsaFrench]

Adorkable, ... thank you for writing your last few posts.

it is helping me feeling better about my struggles regarding decluttering

i feel vastly non-understood by most people around me (luckily for me, some people i value do restpect me even if they don't understand me & my struggles ...)

so have been making a little progress, but rather very little progress, in the past few years ...

in spite of actively trying to find help of some sort

when i read you, at least, i don't feel alone (although i have not had the same nomadic & traumatic lifestyle as you had, i feel for the little girl you were and her heart aches at the time .... body cells have some sort of memory even if we are not aware of it on a conscious level ... so i do get that you can have panic attacks now just at the though that something might happen that would be reminiscent of past trauma ....)