By the way, this started because I got fed up with her snarky talk to me an hour ago, so I abandoned a project we were going to do. I told her to let me know when she was actually ready for my help again. She snarled, "I am ready." I said that wasn't going to be good enough because it didn't show me that she cares or appreciates anything I do for her ... and it went downhill FAST from there.
I am really, really tired of the disrespect from her. My mother would have spanked or slapped me if I dared to talk like this, but that is not the type of parent I want to be. Instead, I have reacted in anger and denied her allowance or tv or computer for a week - until and unless she begins to SHOW us that she is willing to be a member of the family by helping and being helpful.
I really wanted to do this project. I don't want to put the materials away for another day ... but at the same time, why should I reward her for the hate?
I asked this question in the gentle parenting group, as well.