Vent - Grandparent judgement re: DS

[kelly]

I need to get this out. Yesterday DP and I celebrated our twin DD's 7th birthday at our home. Our DS, who is 2 yo, saw his sisters getting dressed and decided he wanted to wear a dress as well. This is not the first time, he does it every so often, and we do not think it is a big deal. However, my father was at our house from out of state and he had a fit. I mean, he was so upset that he actually packed up his belongings and drove away from our house only 15 minutes before the guests were due to arrive (and 2 days before he was suposed to leave). He shortly changed his mind and returned, only to stay long enough for my DD's party and then left in a big huff of tears and "I don't understand you" statements.

I am irate. The kids don't understand what happened and how can I even begin to explain it to them? IMO, forcing a child of either gender to conform to societal norms at the age of 2 when there is no good reason for it is ridiculous. I think my father behaved deplorably. What do you think? And how do I talk to him about it when / if that occurs? Is this the kind of man I want around my children? I love my father, but my kids don't need that and neither, honestly, do I. Opinions?

[cordelia15]

First I am sorry.  To have a special event like that ruined must have felt awful and the judgement is deplorable. I mean fine if you have an opinion like that, it's your right (even if it's wrong) but to put ANY of it on a kid is despicable and immature.  I am glad he came back, means at least that he does want to connect and realized he was not right but still. . 

I do feel that it's worth having a conversation with him.  DH's father said some really hurtful things about our kid before he was even born (like how he was not really his grandchild) and while he has since changed his tune we did have some hard conversations and basically said how much we wanted him in our kid's life but not if he was going to treat him any differently than his other grandchild and also not if he talked about drugs and alcohol etc.  I know this is not exactly the same but just our experience. 

As for the gender things I am with you 100%, our son who is 18 months loves jewelry, sequined shoes, etc and I don't care at all.  I don't think it says anything about his gender and if it does I don't care.  Someone who gave me shit about it and I told them, even a bird would pick out a pretty sequined thing over a piece of brown leather. . who cares?  Or if my kid has a doll stroller, how is that gendered?  I think you just tell your kids now that grandpa loves them and had some different ideas than you and people can fight and try to talk about it.  tell them you love him (if you do) but you don't always agree.  

Tell your Dad the same thing, that you love him and understand that he does not agree with all your choices and that you want him in your life and your kids lives but your number #1 job as a parent is to protect your kids and if he does anything to hurt them, you won't be able to have him around them.  

[kelly]

Thanks, your reply validated my feelings and how I think I will deal with this situation. I talked to my brother about it, he (and I agree) thinks letting my father cool off for a couple of days would be ideal. Then I will call him and try to have the conversation.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by kelly 

Thanks, your reply validated my feelings and how I think I will deal with this situation. I talked to my brother about it, he (and I agree) thinks letting my father cool off for a couple of days would be ideal. Then I will call him and try to have the conversation.

 I'd wait for him to call and apologize, personally.  He was incredibly rude.  

[Adaline'sMama]

I'm forum crashing, but that sucks!

I'd also probably wait for him to call and apologize. If he doesnt do it by the end of the month, Id probably send him one of these:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sfslim/5146441771/

Im really sorry that happened  I hope your dad can understand that you're kid has the right to wear whatever he wants, regardless of what society expects.