A Saner TTC: Harvest Moon - Page 7

[beingmommy]

PokeyAC, that is so interesting about the Lunception!  I have never heard of it but it sounds kinda cool.

Virgocanwait, welcome!  So sorry for the chemical pregnancy.  That's hard.  Sending you some baby dust!

Devilish, so sorry it is so hard right now!  Is there anyway you can get a new doctor?  I have a friend who has been struggling with fertility issues for her #2 as well and it has been so infuriating how no one will listen.  She FINALLY found someone who is awesome but it's taken so long.  Hugs to you!

JustJenny, I agree with others that DHs just don't get it as much.  I am also in an urgent place becasue I'm turning 40 in about a week and DH is 44 and our DS is already 5 and I want a sib for him.  DH keeps telling me to relax but I can't to some degree.  I mean I AM trying (hence being on this thread) but it's hard.  And really the TTC IS all on us since we know best when the best time is (either based on pre-O signs or OPKs or whatever).  Oh it's hard.

Dakipode, glad you are keeping busy.  

Xerxella, sending you some zen vibes for your wait. 

AFM:  AF finally arrived!  Woo!  I am relieved.  And, I guess, gearing up for this next cycle. How is it that the TWW feels like it takes a year to go by but already I have to be planning BDing for next week and THEN will be in another TWW in what feels like 5 seconds?

[devilish]

dakipode and beingmommy: Because I got referred to this doctor by my family doctor, I don't know how much flexibility I have. I've read up on him and he's great .... for IVF treatment, which I shouldn't need and can't afford and isn't covered by OHIP (unless both tubes are blocked, which is not the case for me).

dakipode: Haven't tried K-dramas. Might have to look into that. Any series you recommend?

beingmommy: New cycle, new hope! You will get there!


AFM I called the office later and spoke to his secretary and ask that I be put on Clomid for next cycle. She'll call me back on Tuesday to let me know. (Monday's a holiday.) I felt better after that. It's unfortunately too late in this cycle to start it. I'm really hoping not to have another 60 day cycle. So I'm waiting to O (if I even O).

[happy2bamama]

Hi all - great to see so many lovely ladies on here - I'm glad this thread has blossomed!

I have been pretty quiet on here lately, but I am just starting the last week of my 2WW and something shifts for me during this time. It's so predictable and I can notice such a difference in the hopefulness and zen-ness in the first 3/4 of my cycle and then during this time, I get more desperate and think there's something bigger wrong and I feel like this won't be the month. I start feeling like, we've been at this for more than two years and if in all this time of strategic (and also non-strategic) BD, if a sperm and egg can't meet and then attach to my lining - something bigger must be going on. The hard (and good) part is that I feel really healthy, my cycles are great - luteal phase is longer than ever, I have quality FF - there is nothing glaring. I just feel confused. In my head, I know that this is the last week of the 2WW screwing with me, but it's still hard to override hormones or whatever happens during this time. Doing my best to not fall in the downward spiral! 

It hasn't been helping that I have been having the most intense dreams too. I usually have more vivid dreams the second half of my cycle anyway, but these have been beyond intense and I wake up feeling shaken up. Every night I have something that is life or death or I am watching people around me die (or are ghosts) - and in one, my entire family drove off a cliff and I had to tell them I loved them before we plummeted to our death. Last night, I dreamt that a friend of mine who wants her son to be an only child, accidentally got pregnant and I felt so off about the whole thing - jealous, mad, etc. I also remember a part of the dream where someone handed a little baby to a dad and was like, "Here's your little girl!" and I just had this pit of nausea. So, clearly there are some feelings going on inside of me even if I can keep balanced for most of my cycle.

Thanks for listening :) Baby dust to all of you!

[Lidamama84]

Welcome to all the new ladies and Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canucks!

@Devilish: we live in the same city

@Xerxella: I am trying to get back to a healthier weight too. I kept putting it off cause I thought we were going to try again right away too. Now that that has been pushed back to next summer, I kinda don't have any more excuses! So, goal #1 is to stop eating chips every night after I put the kids to bed and goal #2 is to start doing my Jilian Micheals DVD which I bought TWO years ago and have still not taken the plastic off!!!! Shame on me!!!

Happy weekend to everyone!

[Lidamama84]

I meant to add that I'm thrilled that AF made an appearance yesterday because this cycle was only 28 days rather than the 34 days that was last cycle! Hopefully that means my body is normalizing on its own and I won't need to do anything in the way of herbs and meds to regulate it.

[devilish]

@Lidamama84 City Buddies! Oh, I hope your body does what it's supposed so you won't have to wait long to get your BFP come the summer.

[pokeyAC]

Lidamama - No shame on you!  There's no point in that now.  You have some goals and that's awesome!  Maybe you can find a healthier crunchy snack  Everyone seems to be eating kale chips these days.  They have them at stores, but I'm sure they are cheaper to make yourself.  I had that debate with myself about losing weight too and it never happened.  You can't really TTC and lose weight at the same time.  It's good you have some time to work on it and get yourself feeling healthier.  You have a good reason to do it.  I hope your body is getting back to normal on its own. That would be great.

happy2bmama - It's good to see you back.  I hope the next week passes without too much anxiety.  This is a tough time in the wait, and those dreams sound really intense.  I'm sorry you are not sleeping peacefully.  It's so easy to question ourselves and every little thing that happens, and that can be pretty crazy-making.  Maybe a meditation in the evening would help.  Have you tried Rescue Remedy?  It's for balancing emotions.  I had mine out while waiting to O because that time is so stressful for me.  I hope you get some relief and rest.

devilish - I hope the doctor and the Clomid are helpful.  Going through those long cycles and not O'ing must be really frustrating.  Good for you for calling and advocating for yourself!  I hope this next cycle is fruitful.

beingmommy - I'm glad you are looking forward to your new cycle.  It's a fresh start.  I hope all the waiting and scheduling work out well.  It is crazy how quickly waiting to O comes up on you when the TWW moves so slowly.  I think the TWW goes by more slowly because there's less for you to do.  All you can do is wait.

virgo - Welcome!  I'm sorry for your loss.  

xerxella - I hope you get some good news in a few days!  Hang in there.

dakipode and GISDiva- 

JustJenny - I'm glad your DH is getting on board with looking into things.  Congratulations on your longer LP!  You did some great work!

AFM - Well, I tested this morning, and it was positive!  I was shocked and relieved.  I was so scared it would be negative.  We are keeping the celebrating low key for now.  I will feel better when I get the second beta and see that it is doubling because the last time I got pregnant, it did not.  I stayed fairly zen through most of the TWW.  Thursday I felt crappy and thought it was because I was pregnant, but I felt better the next day.  Also that day, someone at work asked me if I had a bun in the oven.  I laughed because I thought it was funny.  I didn't know yet.  She said she thought she had overheard me talking about it with someone.  I don't know what it was about, but maybe she's a little psychic.  So for now, I am onto another kind of waiting and trying to keep my cool while I go about my life.  It means so much to me to have all of you here supporting my zen.  I am grateful for you.     

[bearandotter]

PokeyAC.... Come on down!!! ..... (per the previous price is right comment) congrats mama. H&H9m

The k-drama sounds interesting and to combine it with the suggestion to listen to happy music when stressed out: I love the gangnam style song! I cannot listen to it without my mood improving and a smile hitting my face (even better when my DH does the horse riding dance when it is on).

AFM: about d6po here. I was convinced I had major preg symptoms yesterday, almost had myself convinced that af was just breakthrough bleeding last month. But this morning woke up with full blown flu, accounting for all of yesterday's nausea and fatigue. Ahhhh wellll..

[beingmommy]

Short on time so more persies later but pokeyAC, congrats!!!   Holding the space for more zen and a sticky little bean for you!

[dakipode]

PokeyAC: yahoo! How exciting for you! I wish you all the best, definitely keep us posted! I was feeling pretty lousy before checking in here but your news put a smile on my face!

AFM: CD2, feels like "Back to Start, Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200"... Calling clinic tomorrow for Clomid. This will be my first cycle on it. More personals later, I'm calling it an early night.

[Xerxella]

pokeyac - YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, (since I'm a dork about these things) what was your first beta? And how many dpo were you when it was taken? I'm fascinated by beta numbers.

dakipode and devilish - Good luck with the clomid. Obviously, it works for most people. I hope you guys are 2 of them!

lidamama - Yeah for a 28 day cycle!!!! That's awesome. I had been not bothering to get my weight under control, because why bother, I'd be pregnant again real soon, right? And, then I'd lose the weight after the baby was born, right? HA! That didn't work for me! So, now I'm just trying to lose it and I'll let life come at me however it does. So, I signed up for Weight Watchers. It seems like a reasonable plan, but once you learn it you actually don't need them anymore. So, after the 12 weeks, I'll cancel it, but keep doing the plan.

bearandotter - Don't you just hate that? It's amazing how we can trick ourselves. Sorry you have the flu. I hope you feel better soon.

beingmommy - I'm glad af finally arrived. It is quite a relief. Good luck with this new cycle.

AFM - I only have the cheapie HPTs (Dollar Store) and I "think" it was negative. There was a shadow, but I don't think it was real. That's one thing I really don't like about the cheapie ones. You just can't trust them as early tests. I suppose the only answer is to wait until my period is late..... sigh....

[GISDiva]

OMG Pokey, that's wonderful news!!!  You'be been such a calm voice here, I'm so thrilled for you.  I wish you stickiness!  (That sounds...well, whatever...*haha*)

Hi to those joining us, good luck to you.  CD 14 for me...here we go again.  

[happy2bamama]

POKEY!! Yay!! You made it to contestant row!! It's so inspiring seeing people get their BFP - wishing you the best :)

[revolting]

Originally Posted by pokeyAC 

revolting - I believe the process of synching your cycle up with the lunar cycles is call Lunaception.  It involves keeping your bedroom completely dark for certain days and letting in some light on other days.  I saw a website where you could buy some new product that helps you do it.  I don't remember what it was called, but I think it was a kind of light you put next to your bed and it keeps the schedule for you.  I heard a midwife speak about it once, so it seems like it could work.

I've been reading about it (thanks for  the term!) and I'm sold. Sort of going to try now, and try more seriously after we move.

Originally Posted by virgocantwait 

Hello all!  May I join in?  DH and I have been trying since July.  We caught pregnant last month but it was only chemical. (boo)  Back on that horse!  It's funny.  Before last month we were both in the "not not trying" place ... but now I'm in the "oh hell yes we are trying!" place. 

 to everyone!!!

VCW

Currently mommy to 2 adorable fur babies 

So sorry about your loss. How are you doing? Good luck for this cycle!

Originally Posted by devilish 

I would like to join as well, please.

TTC#2 for a year. After 10 months we got referred to a local fertility clinic. I probably have PCOS, but haven't yet confirmed, hoping to clomid next cycle and hoping this isn't another 60 day cycle. Our biggest obstacle seems to be the fact that I'm not ovulating.

I've met with the fertility doctor twice and both times I've come away feeling angry, depressed and disappointed. He's doing this whole wait and see approach which I find infuriating and upsetting (I'm in tears just thinking about it).

I wish good luck to all the ladies on their TTC journeys.

Welcome. I hope the fertility doctors and clomid help. Is there any way you could change docs?

Originally Posted by beingmommy 

AFM:  AF finally arrived!  Woo!  I am relieved.  And, I guess, gearing up for this next cycle. How is it that the TWW feels like it takes a year to go by but already I have to be planning BDing for next week and THEN will be in another TWW in what feels like 5 seconds?

You sound so relieved. I'm glad you're anticipating this cycle. Best of luck!

Originally Posted by happy2bamama 

Hi all - great to see so many lovely ladies on here - I'm glad this thread has blossomed!

I have been pretty quiet on here lately, but I am just starting the last week of my 2WW and something shifts for me during this time. It's so predictable and I can notice such a difference in the hopefulness and zen-ness in the first 3/4 of my cycle and then during this time, I get more desperate and think there's something bigger wrong and I feel like this won't be the month. I start feeling like, we've been at this for more than two years and if in all this time of strategic (and also non-strategic) BD, if a sperm and egg can't meet and then attach to my lining - something bigger must be going on. The hard (and good) part is that I feel really healthy, my cycles are great - luteal phase is longer than ever, I have quality FF - there is nothing glaring. I just feel confused. In my head, I know that this is the last week of the 2WW screwing with me, but it's still hard to override hormones or whatever happens during this time. Doing my best to not fall in the downward spiral! 

It hasn't been helping that I have been having the most intense dreams too. I usually have more vivid dreams the second half of my cycle anyway, but these have been beyond intense and I wake up feeling shaken up. Every night I have something that is life or death or I am watching people around me die (or are ghosts) - and in one, my entire family drove off a cliff and I had to tell them I loved them before we plummeted to our death. Last night, I dreamt that a friend of mine who wants her son to be an only child, accidentally got pregnant and I felt so off about the whole thing - jealous, mad, etc. I also remember a part of the dream where someone handed a little baby to a dad and was like, "Here's your little girl!" and I just had this pit of nausea. So, clearly there are some feelings going on inside of me even if I can keep balanced for most of my cycle.

Thanks for listening :) Baby dust to all of you!

I've had pretty epic anxiety dreams like that, too. If you find anything that works, LMK!

Originally Posted by Lidamama84 

I meant to add that I'm thrilled that AF made an appearance yesterday because this cycle was only 28 days rather than the 34 days that was last cycle! Hopefully that means my body is normalizing on its own and I won't need to do anything in the way of herbs and meds to regulate it.

That's wonderful that your cycle is normalizing on its own. Woo hoo!

AFM - Well, I tested this morning, and it was positive!  I was shocked and relieved.  I was so scared it would be negative.  We are keeping the celebrating low key for now.  I will feel better when I get the second beta and see that it is doubling because the last time I got pregnant, it did not.  I stayed fairly zen through most of the TWW.  Thursday I felt crappy and thought it was because I was pregnant, but I felt better the next day.  Also that day, someone at work asked me if I had a bun in the oven.  I laughed because I thought it was funny.  I didn't know yet.  She said she thought she had overheard me talking about it with someone.  I don't know what it was about, but maybe she's a little psychic.  So for now, I am onto another kind of waiting and trying to keep my cool while I go about my life.  It means so much to me to have all of you here supporting my zen.  I am grateful for you.     

So excited for you, mama! Congrats!

Originally Posted by dakipode 

AFM: CD2, feels like "Back to Start, Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200"... Calling clinic tomorrow for Clomid. This will be my first cycle on it. More personals later, I'm calling it an early night.

Best of luck. I hope the Clomid helps!

Originally Posted by Xerxella 


AFM - I only have the cheapie HPTs (Dollar Store) and I "think" it was negative. There was a shadow, but I don't think it was real. That's one thing I really don't like about the cheapie ones. You just can't trust them as early tests. I suppose the only answer is to wait until my period is late..... sigh....

Oh, I hate the cheapie tests. It's so worth it to me to spend the extra money than use a cheapie one that makes me feel even crazier second guessing myself.

Originally Posted by GISDiva 

Hi to those joining us, good luck to you.  CD 14 for me...here we go again.  

Lots and lots of baby dust!

AFM: 5 dpo... We bought a house recently that needs a lot of work, and while of course I avoided the worst of the chemicals, I spent the whole time worrying that I was pregnant and hurting the baby. On the fence testing this fri (10 dpo) with a digital clear blue test, but it was part of a box of half a dozen and I  lost the instructions, and I can no longer find the instructions to find out how accurate it would be at that dpo. Anyway... good luck to all you mamas!

[pokeyAC]

I hope I win a new car!  Seriously.  Thank you everyone for your well wishes.  While I look forward to moving on, I will miss hanging out with all of you.  I will keep you posted.

Keep it zen.  and to all.

dakipode - I'm sorry you have to start another new cycle, but I hope the Clomid makes a difference and that you feel good about taking the next step.

[JustJenny]

CONGRATS POKEY!!!!!!   So happy for you!  I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and birth  

[pokeyAC]

xerxella -My first beta at 13DPO is 62.  According to a chart I found, that is the median number.  Sounds good to me.  Next one on Wednesday.

[virgocantwait]

CONGRATULATIONS POKEY!!!!!  

That is fantastic news! 

revolting: I am up and down.  Mostly down.  I want to stay in the place where getting pregnant was a blessing and m/c is normal.  I want to still be happy when I see babies on the bus.  But the feeling of loss is what wins most times.  I was reading signs for 3 days but I still feel transformed by the joy I felt in those days.  I guess that's the best thing I can hold onto right now: I was transformed.  I feel like a different person even after those 3 days.  

I also feel far from DH because I didn't tell him my suspicions until THE DAY I m/c'd.  So he has his own experience of that week and we're kinda stuck on how to process it together.    So, this is definitely something we're taking to therapy.

I'm so happy to be here, though.  The community here is very inspiring and welcoming.  Pokey's news gave me the first good smile of the day!

VCW

[dakipode]

On the topic of weight loss (and gain), Xerxella and Lidamama: isn't it silly how much we put our lives on hold because we're anticipating something else? I'm on the other end of the spectrum: was not exercising as much because I thought I could stand to gain a few pounds but it drove me crazy. Now my jeans are too tight and I'm still not pregnant! As always it's a juggling act, finding what's healthy and sane.

On the topic of K-dramas, Xerxella, devilish, and bearandotter: there are a bunch available on Netflix as well as Hulu. They tend to be similar (poor girl, rich guy, etc.) but they're entertaining. Most of them only go for 16-22 episodes, usually an hour long.

For high school dramas I liked Boys Before Flowers (though it got a bit repetitive towards the end, mostly entertaining because of the handsome boys...) and Playfull Kiss (one of the boys from BBF and cute story).

Featuring "older" actors (i.e. in their twenties and thirties) I liked Secret Garden (weird premise done very well, beautiful architecture!), City Hunter (one of the boys from BBF in a great action series!), and Lie To Me (actually a nice, realistic male protagonist, no dragon lady mom, sweet romance).

There are so many more, I hear DramaFever is a good source but haven't looked into that. The one I'm watching currently (Flower Boys Ramen Shop) is very funny, some are more serious, some have over the top characters, all of them are subtitled and I enjoy learning the different sayings they have.

One more word of warning: most of them will have some instance where they make fun of bodily functions, I don't know why that is such a staple in Korean culture.

happy2bamama: I get crazy dreams too and I feel like they get even more vivid when I go to bed on a full stomach, could that have something to do with it?

GISDiva: good luck and have fun!

virgocantwait: I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope talking with DH will strengthen your bond.

AFM: feeling pretty good today. Had my pity party all weekend, including a good sobbing session with DH. Onto bigger and better things now! The scientist in me is excited to experience the effects of the medication, see if I feel different etc. so I'll try to stay in that curious mindset rather than the obsessive/emotional wreck I have been.

[Xerxella]

Hey all!!

Pokey - That sounds like a perfect number. This is one time when average is good!

dakipode - Sometimes a pity party is just what the doctor natural practioner ordered.

AFM - AF hit yesterday and surprised me by being a little early, but at least it didn't make me wait. So, on to my technical first cycle of trying!
Edited by Xerxella - 10/9/12 at 12:46pm