Regrets? « Back to Group Discussions

[activealli]

Anyone else have any regrets from their pregnancy/birth?

I cant stop crying right now. I dont know why. I just watched the season finale of The Kardashians and they showed Kourtneys birth. I remember someone asking me if I wanted pictures of the birth when I was pushing and I yelled I just wanted the baby out, so we dont have any birth photos. If I could do it over again, I would have hired a birth photographer.

Im sure Im probably just going through some pp blues or emotionalism, but all of a sudden Im flooded with feeling of sadness because we are not planning on any more kids. I spent this whole pregnancy stressed and upset and scared of the birth and never really got to enjoy being pregnant. Because I got pregnant 3 months pp with my son after just about the worst pregnancy/birth possible because of the high risk nature and him being diagnosed with down syndome and an intestinal blockage and then wondering if he would ever make it to his first birthday for the first 4 months. I was so scared to be pregnant again and so soon. I didnt do a baby shower because I felt it selfish to have a baby shower when I just had a baby. I didnt do any maternity photography this time around because I didnt have time between buying a home, moving, overwhelmed with work/financial problems and I think a part of me didnt think I could vbac, so I was scared. I never got to enjoy being pregnant, now Im a little sad that I will most likely never have a chance to actually enjoy a pregnancy.

I am happy I got the birth experience I wanted. I do wish I had pictures. I guess I just have to learn to let go.

Anyone else dealing with similar issues... again I think its just the hormones talking but Im not sure what to do.

[Carlin]

 Sending you lots of hugs Alli. Can you try to focus on all the really wonderful things that went right about this pregnancy and birth? I think you are right, in that it's mostly the hormones talking right now, so try to just be easy on yourself and give yourself some recovery time.

[nukuspot]

We have not a single photo from the birth either. I had a camera in one of my birth bags and noone had time to get any bag out of the closet. It was too fast and I'm sad about that part.

I also wish that I had gotten sutured. I'm really concerned my tear isn't going to heal well because I am up taking care of my toddler even though I try to stay in bed as much as possible.

I also regret starting my DD1 in preschool the week before I had the baby. I knew the first period of time starting school would bring sickness into the home, I just didn't expect she would have a cold this soon. Now I'm super paranoid the baby is going to get it. Plus DD1 is sleeping even worse than the newborn!

There are all my regrets I can think of at the moment.

[nukuspot]

By the way Alli, I have never enjoyed a pregnancy either and we are also done. I get severe hyperemesis for the first half+ of pregnancy and them assorted other complications afterwards. It's why we will not have any more kids but it's sad too because I've never been one of the glowing pregnant ladies I've always admired.

[Carson]

Alli, I spent most of this pg stressed and detached because I had two successive losses before and then a death in the family really messed things up. And when it was time to birth ds2, instead of the happy homebirth with MW's, I had a hospital c/s, which I never saw coming. And we are done with 2 also.

What I genuinely regret was thinking I had more time for DS to turn (he was breech and no one does breech here). I wish I took his positioning more seriously and did something between the time i did chiro and the version.

But I am really trying to focus on the good bits, and bringing ds2 into a happy home with his big brother and adoring father. I simply adore ds2 and his little newborn snorts and snuggles.

I think a lot of this can fade with time, if you work for it to. I don't mean you don't have cause to be upset now,,of course! But there's something about acknowledging your regrets out loud even, and then actively working to see the positive in the situation and focusing on that.

[crystal_buffaloe]

I think talking (or writing - in a journal or online forum) can be healing. Maybe you could talk things over with your doula?

This is bad, but in a lot of ways I thought of this birth as a chance to do-over some of the bad decisions/bad luck that happened with the first one, so I totally see some regret/sadness about this most likely being your last.

I regret not being waaaay more vocal about pushing out the placenta and not being separated from DS. Right after, I was super relieved we'd called the ambulance, but looking back on rhe timeline, there was nearly 30 min from placing the call to the time of birth, so we should have probably just driven in and gone to the right hospitsl, where my very-carefully-searched-for doc actually has priviledges