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Mothering › Groups › April 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Post Partum Care

Post Partum Care

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

Hello All!

 

I haven't posted much because I'm kind of waiting for the first trimester to pass. After a couple losses, you never know....

 

I have a friend who had a baby couple weeks ago and she was lucky enough to have her mom come stay with her a few weeks before the birth and a month after the birth. She's been able to sit in bed and take care of the baby and herself while her mom takes care of her two daughters and the house. A whole month of resting! 

 

She wants to tell me all about the things she is learning about the importance of postpartum care and rest. *sigh* I don't want to hear it. The jealousy bug has bitten me. 

 

She got to birth with a midwife and she has all the help she needs. I have just resigned myself to the fact that we cannot afford the midwife and will have to have another hospital birth (our insurance covers a hospital birth 100%). So I'm feeling that sting. Plus, I don't have anyone to help me before or after the baby comes. Yes, my mom will pop in and cook a few times, but there is no way she would stay for any extended time. My husband is awesome, but he will have to go back to work after a few days. That leaves me to take up my mommy duties again most likely within a week of birth. The kids will be 6, 4, 2, and, of course, the newborn. Whew!

 

I am happy for my friend. I really, truly am. She has a tendency to get overwhelmed very quickly, and it's really good her mom can stay and help. But I am struggling with feeling overwhelmed myself and I dread hearing her tell me how great it is to have a "confinement" period and just spend time with the baby.

 

What is your post partum care like? Do you have a lot of help, or do you have to jump right back into daily life again? 

post #2 of 8

With my first two babies my MIL insisted on coming or DH insisted on her coming. Either way, I didn't have a choice in the matter. She didn't lift a finger and after the second baby, she undermined my authority for my first child and I truly needed some help. It caused postpartum depression. 

 

After I found out I was pregnant with my third child, I called my mom and explained very honestly how awful everything was after my second child and how I was expecting my third child at a rough time in my work schedule (I work at home and so does DH so I wasn't going to have a real maternity leave but took a couple of months starting when he was a week old). So she came. It was awesome. She stayed for a week. She cooked and served meals and took care of my kids. That was all she did and it was all we needed. DH took care of the laundry.  I recovered much quicker this time and I do credit my mom for staying the week in helping my recovery.

 

Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to count on that this time. I am going to keep MIL out of the house during the postpartum period and probably beyond but other than that it will just be DH and I and DH and I will probably both have to work. I am lucky in that we home school our kids and my oldest will be 10.  I'm thinking she can microwave freezer meals if needed and throw in some laundry if needed and DH will probably help out too.  Our other kids will be 7 and almost but not quite 2.  We home school so I do think the older kids will help out.

 

Honestly, I found that last time at 8, dd was a tremendous help when she just sat on our couch and held the baby so I'm hoping that she will also be helpful in that way and in entertaining our current youngest.

 

So in short, I've had it both ways (but not with as many kids and I'm hoping for something in the middle this time.

post #3 of 8

I felt like I was treated so much more "special" after my hospital birth (which really wasn't much help at all), and then after my unassisted homebirths, it was like, "eh, if she can do that, then she's just fine." LOL  My hubby has had to go back to working 24-48 hour shifts usually the day or two after the baby comes, and I'm back to life the way it was.  I have never ASKED for help, though.  But I feel dumb asking for it when I'm just fine...even though the whole "babymoon" idea sounds really sweet.  My cousin brought me a meal after my ectopic surgery back in March and was astounded that I've never been brought food after any of my babies have been born.  Which is okay, I guess...would be super nice and a huge blessing, but we've made it.  Though I did get envious of my SIL when she had her babies while living with my IL's across the road (and there were like 5 other people in the house to do things for her) and she still got so much attention, gifts, and food. 

post #4 of 8
I don't know how things will go as this is our first baby, but my grandmother is planning on coming for a few weeks (just during the week) and my step mom for a week or so after that. And my mother in law will come a few days a week after that, just during the day. But I'm going to play it by ear and see what I want when we get there... My husband works from home, and has a very flexible schedule so he will be able ti be very involved as well, and I have a feeling I'm going to want a lot of privacy with our new little family smile.gif
post #5 of 8

People brought meals after DD was born (SO awesome), and my mom came and stayed for two weeks when DD was two weeks old, but honestly, I did not find that relaxing at all.  Being around my mom is very stressful.  Oh, it was great though, because DP was changing jobs and one ended a week before the other began, so he was able to be home with us the whole first week.  This time, I don't expect that we will have any help, but who knows?  (I wish, though.  I was definitely raised with the idea that a woman should have a "confinement" period after a baby is born where all she does is rest.)  I hope DP will be able to take a week off work again, but it depends on what his workload will be like at that time.

 

I'm kind of thinking about busting my a** to get some extra money to hire a postpartum doula.  I think that would be really awesome.

post #6 of 8

I think things will work out ok here. DH will take a week or 2 off of work. My mother-in-law asked if she could come stay with us and help take care of the baby. I said "no, thank you. I will take care of my baby." I don't think she'd like to do laundry and cook while baby and I sleep. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, anyway. She's very nice, but we've only met 3 times and I don't feel a maternal connection with her. I wouldn't be able to relax and be myself around her. I'd be trying to entertain her. My mother hasn't offered and wouldn't be any help. She's quite lazy. I'm thinking as long as DH drops off and picks up my 5 year old from school for the first couple weeks,cooks, and does laundry, we should be fine.

post #7 of 8

No help here.  Never have never will.

I hope to have a lot of freezer meals ready this time around to relieve the workload and pocketbook :)

post #8 of 8
My parents are out of state, and I'm no sure how I feel about DP's mom helping. She's super sweet but she tends to hover and is overly fussy, I'm afraid she'd just drive me crazy. If she wants to or is willing to spend some extra time with DS, though, I'd be grateful for that. My DDs are older (they'll be almost 17 and almost 15 when baby comes) and I think they will be very helpful with DS, too. They love their little brother so much, and they're quite capable of making simple dinners for a few days if need be (although they do have full schedules with homework & extracurriculars, so I don't expect them to take over all the housework). I am really hoping DP will be able to take some time off, even if it is unpaid. He started a new job this summer and will not have been there 12 mos yet, so no FMLA. I think the bonding time for him will be so important, though, more so than my having his help, and I am hoping he can work something out.
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