Mothers who skip the paci

[katieesther]

Wasn't sure where to post this but I was wondering how many mommies went with out the pacifier the whole time their little ones were breastfeeding?  And how did you women get things done?  I wasn't having any doubts about Aurora using me as a pacifier until yesterday when I had several of my Aunts telling me that she was just using me as a pacifier and how do I get anything done?  I told them that my thoughts were that before the plastic soother came around the baby had to use the breast and those mothers got through it.   I was loving that I could soothe her all by myself but all those women questioning what I was doing kind of made me feel weird for doing this  and after I came home I started looking around at the house & started to have second thoughts on it.  My BF is a great help and never complains that some days the house is not quite presentable because Aurora needed mom just a little more that day but now I'm just wondering how normal this is.  I guess what I'm looking for is some reassurance that what I'm doing is right and possible.  She is only 2 months also so maybe this 24/7 sucking will be over in a few weeks??

Thank you!!

[Mama2mc]

My LOs never used a paci. To get things done, we babywear. It's easier to do chores around the house, and baby is happy and can nurse...
 

[rinap]

Whether this is right and possible depends on the baby, and it depends on you. If it's working for your family, then great. If there comes a point when *you* need a break and your baby still needs the comfort of sucking, then a pacifier can be a great tool. We used one for a while to get one of our girls to stay asleep when I unlatched her at night (so I could have a little time). But one of our girls never really took to it. And either can be fine if you are getting the time you need and your baby is getting the comfort she needs. And that may change over time. It's not right and possible for everyone, but it seems to be both right and possible for you right now.

[AmandaT]

I never introduced a paci to my DD, who is now almost 9 months. I also liked the idea of soothing her myself, and took pride in being the one to comfort my baby. What you're doing is completely normal, natural, and possible!!

DD's nursing (both comfort and nutritional) needs definitely slowed down between 2 and 3 months and I frequently had 1-2 hour stretches where she did not nurse. I would either place her in her seat/on a blanket or if I wanted more time give her to her daddy. Although, at two months PP I was not worried about what state the house was in 

There have been a few occasions (maybe 5) where I wished I had given her a paci- a few times I really just wanted to finish my dinner or horrible car rides (I had a baby who HATES the car)- but overall I'm glad I never gave her one. A good friend of mine has a 3.5 year old who won't give hers up (I know this is extreme) but I'm glad I don't have to go through it at all. 

ETA: There is nothing inherently wrong with pacifiers and they help thousands of families every day, but if you don't want to use one don't let yourself be pressured into it! The baby stage is so short and the time you use to soothe your daughter is time you will always remember and cherish 

[AmandaT]

I have to second the babywearing suggestion! Although I didn't get the hang of nursing her in the Ergo until she was a bit bigger, usually just wearing her calmed her down enough for me to get some things done. 

[vanni]

My daughter is 10 months and we've never used a pacifier. When I look back maybe I would have given her one if I thought it really would have allowed me to get more done (??) but I'm not sure. I'm still BFing and when she was smaller I was concerned that a paci would mask signs of her being hungry. My husband was also really opposed to using one, for no real reason other than he was afraid she would be a paci addict. But for some babies/families, it seems to work well. When she started sleeping through the night at 8 months, she started sucking on her fingers, and also does this throughout the day as a self-calming tool. Definitely easier than having to retrieve a pacifier! You could always try it and see what happens. I definitely nursed and wore her around the clock in the early months, and didn't get much done outside the bare minimum for survival!

[katelove]

My 2.5yo has never had a dummy. To get things done I either wore her or DH had her. At 2 months though I also wasnt too worried about how the house looked. And I didnt have any other children to look after either.

[fruitfulmomma]

I am on my 6th without having used one. Eh, I might be slower in getting things done but it works for us.

Can I just add how sick I am of the idea that babies use momma as a paci? Breasts are the default, the thing babies were designed to suck on. They know nothing about pacifiers unless we introduce them.

[Asiago]

Funny enough, I made a comment to someone prior to birth "and I don't want to be a human pacifier"......yet once my son was born the thought of using a paci never crossed my mind. I didn't utilize baby wearing enough early on and it wasn't until about four months that I did it most of the day. It does make nursing and being mobile so much easier.

Per your aunt's comments, and saying something equally ignorant prior to nursing myself (!), it just seems a societal or perhaps cultural mindset....that nursing is just about nutririon (and immunity, etc)....yet non-nutritive suckling is so important and I think that is one of anthropologists Kathryn Dettwyler's beef's also. That western culture, oddly enough, does not quite grasp non-nutritive suckling, yet it probably did prior to the 20th century when bf'g was much more prevalent.

Edited by Asiago - 9/18/12 at 11:30am

[Emaye]

I never used one but my children did not seem to need it.  I would have no problem introducing it to them if I thought they needed constant sucking and I needed a break.  Nothing wrong with using a paci or not using one.  Depends on the child, mom and the comfort of everyone involved.  So, if it is working for you and your babe, keep on doin' it 

[HappyHappyMommy]

Hi katieesther and welcome to MDC! I'm going to move your post to the general breastfeeding forum and I think you'll get more responses there.

As a reminder to all, if you are ever unsure where a post goes, this is a helpful guide to the Breastfeeding Challenges forum or feel free to PM an admin or moderator.
 

[phathui5]

I've always thought the "using you as a pacifier" comment was an interesting one. The pacifier is a substitute for mom, for the sucking at the breast that babies are programmed to expect.

[Quinalla]

Babywearing helps a lot with getting things done if your baby enjoys it (mine did, but only in certain positions). As far as pacifiers, my baby wanted to be held all the time anyway, so a pacifier would not have helped me in that regard anyway, so I never even thought to use one when I was around (except in the car). Once I went back to work FT or if I was away and she was in DHs or someone else's care, then I was fine with a pacifier to help them to soothe her (not everyone is and that's fine, but I had no problem with it). So yeah, I'm with you, it made more sense to soothe her myself when I was around except in the car. Honestly for me it ended up not mattering much as she would rarely take a pacifier, usually only when she was teething and would alternate sucking and gnawing on it However, if you do want to try a pacifier, I think that's totally fine, but if you don't want to you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to just because someone else thinks you should. I know how easy it is to question yourself after every little comment someone makes, I remember that and it was hard, maybe talk to your BF for reassurance if you need it? I can tell you right now you are doing great!

[annaknitsspock]

Originally Posted by Quinalla 

 if you do want to try a pacifier, I think that's totally fine, but if you don't want to you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to just because someone else thinks you should.

This! That's exactly what I was going to say. 

[ivyciolli]

It is what nature intended!  My son is 3 today and is still breastfeeding.  Nothing replaces the mother's nipple to pacify a baby!  Continue to give your breast and not an artificial pacifier to soothe your baby.  Hearing your heartbeat, feeling your warmth and your voice is what your baby needs.  Most moms want to do what is easy and convenient for them.  You will raise a healthy, happy and confident child by being there to comfort and nurture them when they need you...not a pacifier!

[chibabyc]

My 2 kids didn't use a paci except for the first days in the hospital, despite dad and their grandparents trying and trying when they were caring for them. Wouldn't take a bottle either even with breast milk. Sometimes as a mom, especially early on, you are not always confident. But if it's working for you, go with it. I often felt tied to the couch and I had to learn to let things go in the house. Breastfeeding is not just feeding, it is comfort and bonding time too.

[yitlan]

I was so surprised to see this on the Hot Topics in my email. My youngest is now 5, so I don't visit here too much and our nursing days are over.  But my three never used a pacifier.  So it's possible. I did have one child where it crossed my mind in the wee hours but come daytime I never went out and got one.  I now have nieces/nephews who make me so glad my kids didn't use one. They were weaned from the breast before age 1 but in my mind just got weaned to the paci.  I couldn't believe how the house was ruled by that thing until he was 3!

[Boone Family]

I agree with the Mama who mentioned that the pacifier is a replacement for the breast.  Hmmmm....which came first, the breast or a plastic replacement?  

I have 5 kids and only my first used a pacifier *briefly*.  Babywearing has been so helpful for us.  Now with older children, they can also help hold the baby while they go about their daily activities, etc.  (We also home educate so I have the blessing of having my 13,10, 6 and 3 year olds around along with the 9 month old).  

In parenting, I think some of the best advice I've heard is that YOU are the parent...not the aunts, grandmothers, etc.  You need to make decisions based on good information and your choices...NOT bullying by these "well-meaning" people.  Your baby will only be small once.  I have nursed nearly all of my children to age 3...and they are all happy and well adjusted....If I'm the "pacifier" oh well!!!  ;-)

Blessings!

~meredith

~mama to 5

[eknuckles]

My DD will be one month next year and I never used a pacifier. Some people begged me to during horrible screeching car rides, but I said no.
(instead we bought a toy that lit up in the dark and she loved that).
I would wear her around the house sometimes in the (woven) baby wrap, but other than that I got things done during naps. For the first two months i did not do much at all though.
It's totally doable and the 'mommy is a pacifier' is an odd statement... Because why does it matter ?!?!

[aifdo]

We never used a pacifier  with any of our three although there were times in the car where I would have loved to have given them one..LOL..they all went through hating the car at some point!

Baby wearing has been great for us and I certainly don't live in a pristine house but it is manageable.

I totally agree with PP's about the idea of the pacifier as replacement mother, I am happy to be a human pacifier but some people are not able or willing and so thats up to them..if it works for you then keep on going and don't listen to the naysayers.