So, how do you organize/ask for help in the first few weeks - months?

[mamacolleen]

Hi there.

I'm about 29 weeks with di/di twins and starting to think about how I'm going to organize help for the first little bit. It's not an easy task for me to ask for help, but I know we have a good community of friends that would love to help out when they can. My family mostly lives far away and so does DH's. So, how did you do it? And how did you know what you would need help with?

I have a 3 year old DD who we will be keeping in daycare/preschool 4 days a week for the first 6 months, to give her a break and to keep her routine. But, I need to think about getting her to and from. DH can probably get her there most mornings....

We also have a roommate, a close friend of ours, who works part-time and loves to clean and wants to help out, so I feel fairly confident that the housekeeping won't completely fall apart. But I'm not comfortable relying exclusively on her.

And my mum is coming before the babies get here to help me cook and stock the freezer (I'm aiming for a month's worth of meals).

What else am I going to need help with in the first few months?

I'm thinking of maybe sending out an email or something to the friends that I know would like to help out and would likely be able to and ask if they are interested in committing to checking in with me on a rotation schedule (so it won't over-burden them) to see if I need anything. I know myself that if I leave it to me to contact a friend and ask for help, that it won't get done. But I feel that if I can count on once a day, someone I know and trust is going to give me a call or text and offer to help, that would make me feel better.

Thoughts?

[rinap]

We made a google doc that we asked people to sign up to bring particular meals. We sent out links after the babies were born, with the dates starting the day we went home. You could put other things on the list, too, like calling to offer help, or taking your older child out to the park. We did lunch and the dinner for the first two weeks. We should have done longer. (and you could totally do only a few days a week). People love signing up for concrete things.

[QMtwins]

Ahhh, great question!  The first time we had someone who lead an e-mail chain.  We had about 2 weeks worth of meals brought to us.  Then, my (twin) sis was like our live in evening support...made us dinner and cleaned up the kitchen and held babies from about 5-9 for about 3 months!  We had also frozen a bunch of meals.   

Now, with 2 year old twins, we are going a little more tech!  NWe are moving next week and so the freezer is empty.  We will be setting up a Meal Train Plus (calendar on the web).  It allows for things other than meals to be added.  So, we can post things on the calendar like help with the babies or taking our toddlers to the park or folding laundry/doing dishes, etc. at specific times during the day.  Hope it works!  A local fellow twin mom did this for her twins about 5 months ago and it seemed brilliant!

[eminvc]

Great question! These answers are helpful to me as well...20 weeks with di/di twins. Something I read about somewhere else was the suggestion to have a "frozen meals shower" for a baby shower, where everyone brings you a frozen meal to stock. I don't have a deep freezer so I'm not sure how many meals I can fit, but if you've got space this seems like a great idea!

emilyinvc
 

[ChaoticMum]

Great ideas! I wish we had had some help with our duo. My mum stayed with the older kids for the day of their birth but left immediately after i was discharged as we had no room in our campers for 8 of us...lol and we had no community help at all (literally none...not a single meal, offer of taking older kids, offer of watching babes so I could nap etc) as we were new to the area and I had no friends I felt able to ask for help.

Here are the things I always wished we had help with..

-Meals
-Someone taking the older kids for a play date/supper/even just play in the yard at home
-Someone to sit with the duo so I could shower....my boys were not good sleepers and never failed, I would turn the water on and they would cry.
-someone to fold laundry. I was great about switching it out from washer to dryer, but the folding never got done
-someone to take the dog for a walk
-someone to sit with ME and chat while I nursed twins

Those were the moments I wished we knew people well enough to ask for help. Helping unpack would have been nice too since we moved into the house from the camper when they were 3weeks old and I couldn't lift while pregnant or after a c section.....but that's specific to my case! Lol