Bbean, I'm so sorry. I have a similar situation. DS was breech at my home visit 37w4d. HB breech is not possible here. Met an OB, attempted a version, but ended up going into labor that day and because of the specific breech presentation, had to have a c/s. His feet were down, but criscrossed, so it would have been very dangerous to attempt a vaginal birth.
It was all so overwhelming at the time. Now it feels like a foggy bad dream. I'm sad because this was our last baby and no homebirth. Everyone tries to tell you its only a healthy baby that matters, but you and I know what losing the homebirth is about. But trying to find the positive and just focus on DS now. I don't want to hijack, but genuinely can relate to your mixed emotions. Hugs.