Potty problems « Back to Group Discussions

[Anilia]

I need help!

My 3.5 yr old is (was?) potty trained.  For more than 6 months.  In the last month or so he has started peeing and pooping on himself often.  Twice pooping on himself today.  I try really hard not to shame him or lose it but I am not very patient really because all I want to do is throw up on him and he thinks it's all fun and games.

If I remind him or put him on a timer again I get nothing but fighting all day long which leaves us both pissy and causes me to have to physically lift and take him to the potty which I am pretty close to not being able to do.  Not to mention, I don't WANT this kind of relationship with him.

So, what the f?  I mean really- do I put him in diapers everyday?  Do I fight all day to get him to the potty?  Do I resort to some kind of rewards system which I despise?  Or do I somehow manage to put on a happy face while cleaning poop out of his underwear and pee off the floor?

I am totally becoming a horrible parent over this issue and I fear that I am not only damaging my son somehow but also this baby.

When I ask him why this he peed or pooped on himself he says, because I wanted too.

HELP!!!

[Ms Rabbit]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this while pregnant!

My son did something similar a few months ago, he hadn't had an accident in almost 1 year and out of the blue he started peeing himself. I believe he was trying to test, see what would happen, what my reaction would be, etc. The first few times I was surprised, even concerned, but soon realized it was more of a game than anything (he would smirk when he was telling me what happened).

My approach was not to make too big a deal out of it. I'd respond with my dissatisfaction of having to clean up the mess (a simple "Ugh, mommy doesn't like having to clean this up!") and eventually started limiting our activities, explaining "sorry hunny, we can't go to the park, it will be an uncomfortable walk home if we have an accident" or "sorry, mommy can't play right now, I am too busy cleaning up the floor". He realized him peeing in his pants was limiting the fun we could have, and he quickly stopped.

This was just my approach, it is what worked best for DS1 and I. I would be curious to hear what others have done in this situation (I have 2 more sons to go through potty learning with, so I could very well be back in this spot soon!)

[gentlymade]

Sounds like the little guy is really trying to find some control. My guy did this right after we moved. I think it was his way of telling me he needed to have more of a say in his life. Super frustrating!!! At the time a friend suggested that I let him make more decisions in the way he spent his day. Just little things like, "Should we play at the park or the playground this morning?". It really made a huge difference. I would down play the potty problems as much as possible. You don't have to hide that you are upset about it, but just try to be calm and not make it into more of a deal than it needs to be. He will eventually realize that it isn't really fun to poop on yourself :)