I'm not sure what to do about this. I've had custody of my kids for years now. Their dad has visitation but lives on the other side of the state. He was convicted of abuse having to do with them although he still says the child and I both lied. Not really important except for the abuse cycle issue. Basically I have a almost 15 yr old who is attempting to use any reason or excuse to NOT go to school. I don't have ANY type of support from their father except a lot of arguing, excuses and mind games. He's a habitual liar and has delusions of grandeur. Tested during our many psych evals. Again not entirely important in and of itself. I moved away far enough that it would take some effort to see the kids for him. Approx 6 hours. He doesn't work and has a wife along with 6 other combined children aside from ours. All in all, it was the best for all involved. The specific child I am having problems with landed in the ER twice for suicidal thoughts/actions. Another one of our kids started cutting, that was when I decided I couldn't let him mess with their heads anymore. It's been a year and a half and things got a lot better.
Now though my oldest has been asking to live with his dad. He is a teen and completely irrational in his attempt at logic. Normal for a teen. I remember lol. About a week or so ago I told him to get off the phone with his gf and do homework and his chore. He ended up throwing a stool against the wall. Today I shut off his phone except calls to me and texting in our own personal family. He text me that if it affected his relationship with his girlfriend, he would kill me. No beating around the bush or anything. Just said it and demanded I turn it back on. When I got home from work tonight, I found a hole in my kitchen wall. He punched the wall. I KNOW all 3 of my kids are acting up because I am working 3 jobs to pay bills right now. I'm gone ALL the time! I don't have a choice right now though. I don't know what is best to do for him?
I know legally he could and WOULD be arrested based on the threat and the violence but his response tonight was, "I'm not going to bed if i'm just going to be woken up by the police." Sad and embarrassing part for me is the fact that I KNOW I am failing, and worse yet...I work with the police daily. All 3 of my jobs are often involved with legal procedures and I see and work with officers daily. I deal with youth and adults at work who do illegal things and threaten me yet my own child is doing it?! I'm doing incredible at work but I'm failing miserably at parenting right now. The lack of respect is so paramount that I can't hardly keep my cool most days. Add that with lack of sleep and over all stress... I don't know what to do... I need different view points and I'll take any advice or experience anyone has to offer.