Anyone in a relationship but not married? How are things going for you? « Back to Group Discussions

[kryztuh]

So the title pretty much sums it up for me.   I just can't seem to get myself excited for this pregnancy.  I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old from a previous marriage.  Ex rolled out when I was pregnant with my second, and I've been dating BF for over a year.  We've talked about living together so this pregnancy has accelerated the move.  But basically, I was happy with the way things were and am really scared about how things will turn out.  Plus I think I have a lot of baggage from Ex leaving me while I was pregnant last time.  So...I know this is a long shot, but anyone else in any kind of similar situation?  How are dealing so far?  Are you excited?

[snozzberry]

That is completely understandable why you might be a little gunshy! Is your partner excited about the pregnancy?

I am living with my partner, and we've been together a little over a year. We were both married previously, and DD (4) is from my previous marriage.

So I think I'm in a similar situation from those respects. I've been enjoying our time alone and am nervous about how a little one will change that. I wouldn't say I'm scared, but I am uneasy.

He keeps assuring me that we will figure it out...together. We have to make alone time a priority after the little one arrives!

And as non-traditional as I feel I am, I still would rather have been married first. It actually surprised me that I felt that way, but there you go.

to you as you work through these feelings!

[jacquelinej]

I am not in that situation now, but I was when I got pregnant with DS.  I was not excited, I was very worried the entire time.  I was not even living with the father although we were planning to move in together.  It was a really hard and difficult time for me.  I felt obligated to marry him.  I waited until I was in my 4th month before I agreed that we should marry.  He came from a strongly catholic family so there was more then a little pressure from his family and mine.

I would say that you should give it time.  Lots and lots of time.  I can completely understand your fear of being left again (my ex was 'that' kind of guy - very selfish and oblivious to anyone else's needs).  I think that was another reason why I felt I needed to marry him - for security (which I did not get ultimately).  And although we did have DD 9 months and 21 days after losing DS, and I love my DD very very much, I do wish I would have held off on the marriage.  We are not together any more and the divorce was incredibly rough too.  But it took me 5 years to finally say 'enough' because I could not face that I had made a mistake.

I hope you find the strength to keep things as 'normal' as possible for as long as possible.  It will help to stabilize your relationship and your family.  There is no reason to think that things will not slowly change for you both over the next several months in a positive way.  And the slower you go, the more comfortable you will both feel.  Too many changes too suddenly makes things difficult.  You also have 2 other children who love you and need you as well.  For them, you are the center of their world and right now they are yours as well.

Hugs to you, I know you can use them

[bmcneal]

I am in a similar situation as you, but we're already living together. It's going well, we're engaged (actually he proposed to me in the morning, and I found out I was pregnant that night.) I was freaking out at first, but he was (is) really really excited, and I am, too. I hope things start going better for you.

[spitbath]

We're nowhere near married.  I'm actually still legally married to DS's papa, but divorce papers have been filed.  I've been planning a move 500 miles away to join my beloved (who I met online in April) and just found out today.  Everybody, including my ex, is elated.  No drama here.  We don't plan on getting married, either.  Just rolling with it!!  

[OtherMother]

Me. We have been together six years in March, and have been engaged for two. Have a four year old together, now new baby on the way. We've been through some rough stuff, want a nicer wedding than we can afford, and don't want to loose my federal aid for college.

[kryztuh]

Thanks everyone for sharing your situations.  It definitely helps.  I am feeling a lot better about the situation since BF and I have had many long talks about it.  He is super excited but nervous.  He understands why I feel the way I do and his mantra to me has been that everything is going to be fine, which is finally starting to sink in.

I also feel non-traditional in many ways, but having a baby without being married still feels weird to me.  Like snozzberry said, it totally surprised me that I would feel that way.  On some strange level I feel like people are going to judge me, people that I really care about.  My brain tells me that they won't, they will be happy, but I am still nervous about telling family.

BF signed papers to break his lease and he's moving in around Thanksgiving.  So more nervous than scared, but starting to get the tinglings of excitement, too.