Tell me to stop and mind my own business!

[pattimomma]

Help! I am getting overly emotionally involved in another thread where I think the little boy might have some unidentified special need. I just need someone to talk me down because I don't want to be that bitchy overbearing know it all on the internet.

Here's the thread http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1361244/prek-k-the-busy-body

Now someone stop me!

[fizgig]

I'll try :)  I'm not saying there couldn't be attention issues but I also really kind of think that acting out and not being able to sit still are not inherently issues at such a young age.  Especially if he is in a class that is mostly kids a year older than him.  There have been studies looking at adhd diagnoses and they found that the kids at the younger end of any class are much, much more likely to be considered adah - suggesting that immaturity might play some role in initial diagnoses. 

There's my attempt!  That all said - I don't think its crazy to be honest and say that you are a little worried that there might be an issue, explain why, and be very open about the idea that an evaluation can't hurt.  I've def been there with a friend who was in major denial about her son and, after suggesting an eval about a million times she just shut me out so I don't know what the right approach would have been.

[livinglife]

I'll try too.  You've very gently made suggestions about other ways she can view the struggle that her child is going through in school.  That is all you can do and you did it with such kindness. You can let it go.  Every parent deserves the right to go through their own learning curve.  We know it is a hard road to walk on should her child actually have special needs.  I feel for her child who is struggling, and remember that children do well who can do well, and I feel for her because she cannot understand why her son isn't coping with new expectations.  This is very painful. 

[Linda on the move]

  I've followed that thread but not felt I had anything to add.

I do sometimes tell moms when I see red flags in their post for special needs, and I sometimes suggest that they post a question here because we have so many awesome moms who know about things like sensory issues and social issues and all that.

For some moms, even posting a question about their child on the SN board is something they just aren't ready to do. They just aren't there yet.  Even if I tell them that my kid has autism and she's a GREAT kid doing really well and that its OK -- life on the other side of a diagnosis can still be very OK.
 

In that thread, I've really wondered about the expectations of the preschool and if they are at all reasonable, and if perhaps, the issues would go away in a play based preschool. My kids go to a K-12 school and the youngest students are 4  1/2. They don't expect as much out of them in K at our school as that school does for preschool.

But for your own peace of mind, you might examine why you are getting so emotional about the thread, if there is some unfinished business in your own life, something you need to let go of that is more immediate to your reality.  May be your strong feelings are being triggered by the thread, but the thread isn't the REAL problem. It's just giving you an opportunity to resolve something in your own life.

Peace

[pattimomma]

Thanks Ladies! I am done posting over there. I just needed to vent here. I think there are two reasons it's getting to me. One is that he sounds a lot like my son at the same age who wasn't diagnosed until he was 10 (the yrs that went by without the diagnoses were so hard on him that he can no longer attend a public school due to anxiety) and two they live in my same city as I do. The school system here will eat him alive if he has a special need doesn't have a strong advocate momma and an IEP. I know several educational advocates and special ed attorneys along with multiple special needs families and the system is, well let's just say here are a lot of horrible stories (my DS's attorney recently represented a family who's autistic son was severely physically and verbally abused to the point of developing PTSD by a school teacher, it was reported to administration by other teachers many times but they ignored it) and we are in the midst of due process ourselves. So I just have to let it go.

Thanks!
 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by pattimomma 

I think there are two reasons it's getting to me. One is that he sounds a lot like my son at the same age who wasn't diagnosed until he was 10 (the yrs that went by without the diagnoses were so hard on him that he can no longer attend a public school due to anxiety) and two they live in my same city as I do.

  I hope that you get some peace about the way things played out in your son's life.

If it helps, my DD has anxiety issues and cannot attend a traditional public school either, but she was homeschooled when she was younger. It seems possible to me that your son would have anxiety about school *even without the previous stressful experiences.*  Traditional school is really stressful for kids who are different. The whole "square peg, round whole" thing. Even if you had done something different before, or even if you had known before, it might not change that fact that regular school isn't a good match for him at this point.

A lot of the time, I feel like I'm just winging it raising my ASD DD, guessing at what would be best for her, and then later second guessing the choices I've made. Everything I've done I've done from love, and yet with hindsight, there's a lot of stuff I would do differently if I could go back.

But I can't go back. I can only go forward, continuing to make the best choices today with what I know right now.

That's really all that any parent can do.

[pattimomma]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

  I hope that you get some peace about the way things played out in your son's life.

Thanks Linda! We have an attorney and have prepared for due process. I am hoping that the outcome of court will be positive for my son. I know that I have done everything I can with the resources that I have available.

I just don't want to see another child go through what my 12yr old son has gone through. My 4th child (2nd son) is in public kindergarten and has a speech language impairment. After a conference with the teacher yesterday I suspect there are some LD issues too. This go round  I am prepared. But this could also be my part of my trigger with the other thread.

Thanks for the support Ladies!