Some of you may remember that my biggest fear about having a baby was the lack of sleep. DS1 and 2 were both very, well, limited sleepers, sleeping about 2 hours at a time from birth. It sucked. It was seriously terrible, terrible, terrible. I was constantly irritated with my husband for no reason, unable to make decisions, foggy minded all day, and most of my memories of their babyhoods involve a coloring of anxiety and desperation. We were thinking of adopting another baby of 1 or older when Mo came along unexpectedly, in no small part because we hoped to avoid the first year since I didn't like it very much.
Until 1 week ago, he has been a champion sleeper at night, and a consistent napper by day. For the past month or so, he's been sleeping through from 11 until 6 or 7. He has not settled well until 11, though, even though we try to put him down at 7. So I've been sleeping from about 11:15 until 6 or 7. That's been just enough for me to feel pretty rested. But 1 week ago, that all went down the drain. I think this must be the true 4/5 month sleep regression for us. But it's awful. For all the obvious reasons.
But it makes me so amazingly cranky at my husband, too. Not that he's not trying to help. He's in there right now dealing with a screaming, exhausted baby. But I can't help but feel that it's ultimately my responsibility. And I'm the one reading the books (while he watches old episodes of The West Wing.) It just seems unfair.
Part of the reason is that DH recently said he doesn't want any more children. And I do. Even though this sucks right now, I do want another one. I want four. A nice, even number so that Mo doesn't feel like the odd man out. So on top of the stress of dealing with a non-sleeping baby, I've given myself the stress of feeling like if I can't get Mo's sleeping issues under control, or at least my reaction to them, then DH won't possibly agree to more children. I am suffering from emotional censorship.
Anyway. I am a very cranky mama right now (in case you missed it) and I feel so resentful of our good friends who have a baby 2 months older who sleeps from 7 to 7. I have tried so hard to do everything right. I worked to not nurse to sleep, and now I can't count on nursing to sleep when everything else fails. I researched schedules and have followed one very happily, though it has meant some sacrifices in flexibility in the rest of my life. But if it was all for naught and I'm looking at another 2 years of every 2 hours, I seriously will be beside myself.
Rant over. For now.