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Help...I dunno where to post this!!!!

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

Okay everyone here’s the deal. Anyone planned a FET while breastfeeding and had to wean baby/toddler before transfer? Anyone nurse to sleep in addition to the above?

I cannot believe I am still in this dilemma. My husband and I want another baby and would like to do it(transfer) in January or March. My baby is going to be 18 months in a week and we are still breastfeeding…and breastfeeding to sleep. I feel so perplexed about weaning him. I think in some ways he really still needs to nurse and when I look into his eyes it breaks my heart. I have cried a bunch of times over this. The thing is, I am an older mom and if we are going to do this we need to do it soon. Blah… blah. I’ve had to do a lot of hard things in my life and this one is throwing me for a loop.. I cry as I write this and Im…I dunno…need advice…strategies…encouragement(?) especially the nursing to sleep…how to freakin just do it.  Errrrrrr!!! Ive never procrastinated in my life and I’m clearly......


thanks for reading

And i hope to not offend anyone. this is a fertility issue yet i know there are those trying to conceive and I am grateful that we have one.



Lupron protacol

post #2 of 13

I don't have any advice to share, but I would suggest reading this thread.  http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1304694/anyone-still-breastfeeding-and-considering-fet-fresh-cycle

These mamas might have some valuable info to share.

post #3 of 13
Thread Starter 

thanks for the reply...seems it's a struggle for all in this situation. i just wish it was not so emotional.

post #4 of 13

hi Tracyamber,

you may have seen some of my other posts in the forum discussion already suggested. I feel for you - I remember struggling with this a year or so ago. I remember feeling like I was being unfair to my son to potentially wean him for the sake of our family and with no guarantee there would actually be another baby. I also hated the thought of ending breastfeeding if potentially I was never going to nurse again. Hard decisions with no guarantees.

This podcast helped me a lot - it gave me information to consider: http://mumsright.libsyn.com/webpage/2007/11  I highly recommend it. I acutally forwarded it to my clinic hoping they would consider this info...never heard back from them. I considered telling them I had weaned for an FET figuring I could decide if I wanted to expose my child to potential meds. In the end, I weaned him at 20 months, did an FET 2 months later (which was a negative result, but we are now expecting a second through a fresh cycle). When we reached the point of weaning, I felt he and I were ready. He of course was displeased at first but he accepted it better than I thought. I think my heart was more heartbroken than his by the end of it. You will know if your lo is ready.

I used Dr Jay Gordon's approach to weaning: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html I didn't follow it to a tee but pretty closely. I night weaned my lo at 18 months - using this approach except I didn't choose a distinct period of time to restrict feeds (I thought this would be confusing to him) but rather decreased the lengthof feeds then cut them out altogether for the entire night. A month later, I cut his falling asleep bedtime feed using this same strategy and we started a new bedtime routine with books, snuggles, in his crib and rubbing his back. and a month later, I cut his morning feed. I used this same step by step approach each time and I think that helped my ds - I felt that he knew what to expect when the routine started up again. He surprised me by even not bothering to ask for milk the very last morning I was prepared to nurse him! It was hard, but we both got through it with minimal tears and upset.

I hope that's helpful. Feel free to keep in touch on here if that helps you. good luck

post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 


you are wonderful for replying.  i will check out the websites wednesday as we were out all day today.

thank you for the validation. this is one of the hardest things for me to consider and i nerver thought it would be an issue. i feel full of guilt and...i just want to make the right decision. he needs a sibling. i am trying to wrap my brain around weaning. tonight when i put my son to put i told him in 4 days we were going to stop nursing at night. i said"boobies will go bye bye at night time" he was really quiet and seemed to be thinking about what i was saying. we are going to talk about it every night. im curious,what do you mean you said"decreased the length of feeds" can you explain.

congrats on your preganancy!!!!!!

i may email you more of my thoughts tommorrow if you don't mind.


post #6 of 13

Tracy, do read the Jay Gordon stuff. I thought it was so gentle for both of us. It talks about starting to restrict the length of feeds...I forget the exact routine but every few nights, you reduce it more, until you get to zero. I found it helped my son se that he could manage without milk, by first getting some but not falling asleep at the breast. Then eventually not having the breast at all. It worked really well for us. Like I said, we stopped the night feeds first using this routine...he was sleeping through the night 2 nights after he stopped getting any milk through the night. Then we tackled bedtime, then morning. I could see it in his eyes when we'd start a new phase - "what are you doing? oh, right, here we go." But he'd adjust, and I did too. I remember feeling quite distraught when i first started thinking about weaning my ds. I did the same as you - started talking about it on here, with friends, reading up. It took me a few months to get to a place where I was ready and could do it. What do you invision your timeline for weaning/FET cycle? You may want to consider how long you're prepared to wait before doing the FET - waiting 2 months? 6 months? It's tough to balance both needs - a need for a sibling and a need to nurse your lo.

post #7 of 13
Thread Starter 


I feel like I need counseling..LOL. I'm actually feeling better about it now and reading Jay Gordan's strategy right now. Thanks for your help!!!!!!! It seems like we can try this.......No one ever told me weaning was a journey(for me) too. We'll see how my son deals with it next week. We were hoping for FET in January...or March. Yes, I know soon.

Okay I may shot you out my thoughts a little later today. How are you feeling???? Any morning sickness or such??


post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 



I hope you are well and enjoying your pregnancy today.

Last night was the first night of starting to wean. It went amazingly well. Ds was only up for 1 hour and 10 minutes. During his frustration and some tears we were able to talk about it and he again would wave to "the boobie" then he'd cry again and we walked and hugged. He went back to sleep at 1:40 and did not wake until 5:53. I nursed because it was so close to his getting up time. I am so proud of him and made him raisin cinnamon pancakes. I hope tonight goes as well. Ahhhh...it feels like this can really happen. My anxiety is low. Thanks so much for listening and giving advice. If you have any more wisdom please pass it along and I too will keep you posted. Have a great day.

post #9 of 13

So glad to hear your first night went so well. It's so hard to take that first step, or at least it was for me. Glad your son could understand what was going on, could mourn it and get more sleep. They are amazing and resilient! I hope the next few nights go well, with shorter wake ups every night. and glad to hear your anxiety has come down. It sucks to do these things. I had naively thought that my ds would eventually just wean himself. I concluded eventually that this would likely never happen and I had to nudge him along.

Hugs to you both! I'm doing ok...had a scare last week of bleeding but all is well - one little baby in there growing just fine. It appears that they started out as two and one decided not to continue, which caused the bleed. Our stress level is much lower now that we know everything is ok.

post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 


Oh my that must have been a scare for you. I am glad everything turned out fine. had you had the feeling(suspected) there were two babies? was your beta high?

losing a baby early on can still be sad. i hope you are okay with it all.


last night was HORRIBLE! and i expect tonight to be also. he just kept waking and being frustrated. cannot blame him. today we went to the park. on thursday we are going to storytime at the library and i just keep telling him what a big boy he is and he doesn't need the boobie to fall asleep.


now im feeling like i cannot wait to get pregnant again and move ahead. so much of my guilt of weaning him has left. thanks again for the support.


canada huh? I i am from los angeles even though i am living in oregon now. needless to say i am a big laker fan.....we we got steve nash!!!!!!

post #11 of 13
sorry to hear the second night didn't go so well. I've heard of some kids doing this - maybe a delayed grief reaction or just hoping if they protest enough, it will go back to the way things were. A friend of mine had a homeopathic remedy that apparently helps with grief and applies to babies/toddlers weaning. I have no idea which remedy she used, but she thought it would help her daughter as she night weaned. I can ask her if you're interested. I hope things are slightly better tonight. He is still getting lots of love and comfort from the sounds of it, so he will get through this. And I agree, fun daytime activities always help. I'm ok. Strangely, my beta was 1/10 of what it was the other time (5200ish the first time, 582 this time)...interesting eh? I felt we would only have one baby from this pregnancy but I was constantly starving even before the beta, which made me wonder if I was supporting two. Yup, I'm in Canada, opposite coast from you on the Atlantic shores. I've never been on the Pacific coast but I hear Oregon is beautiful.
post #12 of 13
Thread Starter 



I hope you are feeling well.

My son has been amazing. He wakes and falls back to sleep and sometimes i have to rub his back. he no longer asks for milk when he wakes and i am ver proud of him and so glad i at least waited to be able to communicate to him what was happening. We spent the weekend at m mother-in-laws and he did great.

i will wait awhile and then tackle the" nurse to sleep" pattern for going to bed and naps. Any tips? thanks again for being to understanding and helpful. it is validating to know others are and have gone through this.....

The Oregon coast is beautiful.


post #13 of 13

glad things are going so well. our little ones are amazing, aren't they. So many times I have been amazed by my son's ability to roll with changes in his life that I would think would be pretty significant to a toddler - weaning, changing beds, my return to work. He always manages these changes way better than I expect.

When I proceeded to wean my ds from his bedtime feeds and then his morning feed, I used the same approach I used for night weaning, hoping he'd realize the same pattern was playing out so that he'd hopefully know what was coming. I think routine helps kids - so I kept to the same method. Also, we developed a new routine to replace the old one - cuddles and stories at bedtime. I think I started adding stories before he was actually fully weaned to help make the transition gradual. That's what worked for us. I'm sure you will find a system that works for you.


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