or Connect
Mothering › Groups › April 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › nesting?

nesting? - Page 4

post #61 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by expat-mama View Post

We started trying to transition DS months ago. Considering he was nursing to sleep in September and can now lay next to one of us to go to sleep I feel like we have accomplished something. But ... HOW to do the next step!?! 

How old is your DD and how is the kiss goodnight and leaving routine going? We haven't even attempted this yet - it just seems impossible to imagine right now. And yeah, he ends up in our bed around midnight every night or DH goes in and ends up sleeping with him so me and my 500 pillows can have our bed. I dunno what this will be like when baby gets here... stressing about it, I'll admit.

 

Wow, you mamas are totally making me want to get my butt in gear! I've accomplished some cleaning and organizing but still lots to do. 

I think I may have waited too long. I'm starting to feel soooooo tired again. 

 

It's a huge step going from nursing to sleep to laying to sleep!  That's awesome!  It looks like your DS is about a year younger than mine.  I remember hearing other people tuck their kids in and say goodnight, and being like, "HOW???"  LOL.

 

DD is still going to bed with her kiss good night and being tucked in, and it is AWESOME.  I never could have imagined how lovely it would be for all of us.  She will be 4 in June.  Oh, and we have a one bedroom, so her bed is in our bedroom.

 

I've been learning with her that the best thing is for me to be really clear that "this is the boundary" and then to offer ways to support her in staying within that boundary.  So we started out just having her fall asleep in our bed by herself.  We left the door open and the light in the hall on for her, but only if she would stay in bed and stay quiet.  So, a couple nights, I did shut the door for about ten minutes or so (while she screamed - that was tough), and then go back in and ask her if she wanted to try again with being quiet/staying in bed.  Had to repeat this a couple times but eventually she got it.  She ended up deciding for a little while that she needed to cover her face with the quilt.  And a few times, she told me, "I'm not going to cry loud, I'm going to cry quietly."  Broke my heart  a little, but I was just like, "Ok sweetie, we'll keep the light on for you."  (She also does this thing where she'll tell you, "I'm going to cry about that twice, and then I'll be ready to play."  LOL.)  After that it got much easier.  

 

After a few weeks, we started her going to bed in her bed.  I talked to her about how going to sleep in her own bed might be hard at first but with practice it would get easier, and that everyone has to learn how to fall asleep alone, etc.  And that it was nice to sleep with people and lots of people liked that, but that it was also really important to know how to sleep alone.  We talked about a couple of kids she knows who know how to fall asleep on their own. We had the same rules - stay in bed, stay quiet and the light stays on and the door stays open.  And I had to really hold fast to her going to bed in her bed and not make exceptions because the exceptions confused her.  Each time that she accomplished these milestones, we made kind of a big deal about it and how proud we were of her for sticking with it and learning to do something that was hard and a little uncomfortable and about how big she was, and about how great it is to be able to know how to fall asleep all by yourself.

 

Finally, about a week and a half ago, I told her it was time for her to stay in bed all night long.  There was a little fuss about that but I kept walking her back to bed and then suggested that she could have stickers in the morning on a sticker chart to help make it more fun for her.  So every morning that she stayed in her bed all night the night before she gets stickers.  I was really clear about there not being a choice, and that I'd keep walking her back to bed, but that I would do what I could to make the transition easier for her.  A couple nights it meant I got up and tossed extra curtains over the curtains because the light from outside bothered her, or taking down the banner over her bed, or once, I put on the living room light (very dim and wouldn't interfere with anyone' sleep, but she got to feel like a light was on).  It's been about a week and she sleeps all through now, and no fuss when she wakes up if her covers have fallen off.  She still needs to be taken to potty occasionally in the early morning, or needs help getting her blankets back on her bed, but otherwise, she is doing good.  I don't know if she's going to totally revert when the BB is born, but I'm gonna be firm about having her stay in her bed and just get more daytime cuddling.  I told her that she's allowed in our bed for cuddles once the morning alarm goes off, but not before.

 

Anyhow, she loves going to bed, is totally happy and confident about it, told all of her friends that she is BIG now and GOES TO SLEEP ON HER OWN, and actually seems to sleep much better and be less stressed.  Before, she was terrified of us getting up after she fell asleep, and if she ever woke up, COULD NOT fall back asleep.  It was horribly stressful for everyone.  And this is a kid who once had to be touching me with practically every part of her body in order to go to sleep.   I feel really good about our decision to do this and kind of wish I would have tried to do it sooner.  But I don't think I really had the parenting tools to have done it sooner or I would have.  I had an abusive upbringing, so I've had a lot to learn about setting boundaries, and it's still a work in progress for me.  Deciding that I needed my own bedspace and that my 3 year old was going to have to just make the switch to having her own bed, and supporting her in that transition  was a pretty significant milestone for me as a parent, in a way that it probably wouldn't be for someone with a more normal upbringing.  And it's possible she wouldn't have been ready sooner.  Who knows? 

 

Anyhow, I hope some of that is helpful. 

 

In other nesting activities... I finally finished the knitted baby blanket!  It's cute, needs the ends weaved in, then I'll take a picture.  I haven't done much else - I've been feeling really crappy lately.  But we need to do more decluttering, more organizing.  Sigh!

post #62 of 63

Thanks Cyclamen! Totally helpful and interesting to hear.

I think from the sounds of it DS is far from being able to handle what you described! But I do have hopes that perhaps close to a year from now we'll be well on our way...

I just hope DD is a better sleeper than DS ever was! I just keep thinking, she can't be any WORSE. Really... it would impossible. I try very hard to look back on all the progress he has made and be happy with that. There were times that were so much harder than we have it now, so it's just better to see it all positively and be thankful for the small victories. It IS getting better even though it feels like we've just been exhausted and sleep deprived since he was born! But when I hear stories like yours, it helps.

post #63 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by expat-mama View Post

Thanks Cyclamen! Totally helpful and interesting to hear.

I think from the sounds of it DS is far from being able to handle what you described! But I do have hopes that perhaps close to a year from now we'll be well on our way...

I just hope DD is a better sleeper than DS ever was! I just keep thinking, she can't be any WORSE. Really... it would impossible. I try very hard to look back on all the progress he has made and be happy with that. There were times that were so much harder than we have it now, so it's just better to see it all positively and be thankful for the small victories. It IS getting better even though it feels like we've just been exhausted and sleep deprived since he was born! But when I hear stories like yours, it helps.

 

:hug:  The sleep thing is so hard.  Being sleep deprived sucks.  I hope you all find something that works for you.

Mothering › Groups › April 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › nesting?