Hi Everyone. My husband and I have been invited to my cousin's wedding. It is talking place a mansion/castle estate, located up in the mountains on a huge, sprawling property. This venue is literally out in the middle of nowhere, so besides gas stations the closest town/hotel/any other sign of civilization is 2 hours away. We live 3 hours away. It sounds like so much fun, the scenery, the property, the chance to see my family and catch up (I haven't seen many of them in person in a long time) However it is an adults-only reception, as in no-one under the age of 18, including babies-in-arms. This was specifically stated with the invitation (NO EXCEPTIONS) in a very polite and eloquent way. The bride and groom do not want children. Ever. Everyone who knows them knows this. It is going to be an EXTREMELY formal, black-tie affair, complete with valet parking, waiters, a butler, an expensive sit-down formal dinner, ballroom dancing etc.
I have twin boys that turned 2 this summer, and will be 29 months old at the time of the wedding. They were exclusively breastfed until their first birthday, and still breastfeed at least 5 times a day (when they wake up, at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before bed) and sometimes during the night, as we co-sleep. The longest I have ever been away from them is 3 hours and the longest my husband has been away from them is 9 hours. They are extra precious to us because we were told we could not have children and we were married for 12 years when I got pregnant, totally by surprise as we had never tried fertility treatments or drugs. Although we have not had a night out to ourselves since they were born and we would like to go very much, no one else has taken care of them besides one or both of us and we aren't ready or comfortable to leave them with anyone else for so long (we would have to leave early that morning and would not get back until after midnight)
Soon after the wedding the bride and groom will be going to do humanitarian work in the developing world for at least 2 years (that is how they met actually) they have asked that in lieu of cards or gifts guests make a donation to a charity of their choice. They don't have a house or any place to live, they live out of suitcases and when they go on their humanitarian mission everything they need will be provided so they have no use or need for money or possessions. Also at the wedding there will be a silent auction, with 100% of the proceeds going to a nearby children's hospital. They are very kind and giving people who do love children, they just don't want any of their own.
Now I completely and totally understand and respect their desire to have this kind of wedding, and I am not offended that my boys are not invited because I know it is not specifically against them. My cousin did send a very nice gift when they were born. I don't want this to turn into a children at weddings debate because that is not my issue. My problem is that I have no idea how to word a response without seeming like I'm hurt/offended/angry. Normally I would send a nice card or gift but since I can't do that this time I am at a loss as to what to do. I am hoping the wise members of this board, who are like minded and understand why I can't leave my boys yet, can offer me some advice.
Thank-you for taking the time to read this :) <3