Damn I think I'm out - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[BaileyB]

Sorry Porcelina. I know how you feel about the prog supp. This is my first pregnancy with them and I have days where I think about quitting them and being confident that my body can do it on it's own but then I just keep sticking 'em in at night because I am too scared that I might be wrong. I just had a m/c in May, too. It totally sucks. I was also stressed and starting a new job that I actually hated when I had my m/c, too. Who knows if it was related.

aHikaru, I have been avoiding appts. and u/s this time, too. With my history of a stillborn and a m/c the dr. wants me in EVERY 4 WEEKS for an u/s. I just don't feel like looking for bad news every 4 weeks. I think over analyzing a pregnancy can bring up too many questionable things to worry about. I wouldn't terminate if something was wrong anyway and I feel like if the baby did have something wrong or even terribly wrong I wouldn't want to know because I feel like it would effect my loving and bonding with the baby.

[tbarnett]

porcelina!  my heart breaks for you!  I too have to be on natural progesterone cream supplementation to acheive successful pregnancies.  thoughts and prayers heading your way!

[hannybanany]

Oh mama, I am so sorry :hugs

[Aunaturalmama]

I'm so sorry to read this tonight porcelina! I'll be praying for you

[porcelina]

Oh, such a long process. I went to the ultrasound, which they do in the hospital with a different doctor. Measured a 6w2d, when I should be at 7w5d (based on previous ultrasound). However, this doc seemed to think that could still be normal and wanted me to come back in 2 weeks! My doc was already gone for the day when they got results, so will find out plan of action tomorrow (which may include another follow up scan). It is so horrible how they make you feel like a yoyo about a matter of life and death! But, still no bleeding. So the waiting continues. I have to assume the worst in order to get through it. Just waiting to move on.

Thanks for your support, ladies!

[TwilightJoy]

Porcelina. I hope hope hope that everything is okay with you, and if not that you can heal quickly. Sorry that you have to go through this stress and waiting. Please keep us posted.

[nstewart]

Porcelina, that is so hard!  I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  I hope you can get the answers you need soon, not in two weeks.  

[jacquelinej]

You are so strong Porcelina.  I would have been hiding in my bed not reading posts on Mothering.  

I would be very upset if they made you wait 2 weeks, that seems a bit ridiculous.  Miscarriages suck, why draw out the torment?  I could understand wanting to wait for your body to do it naturally if that's what you choose.  

[Lynann]

I do hope you just have a slow growing baby in there, and that is why they want you to wait. Hope you get some good news this morning.

[porcelina]

Hi everyone, I'm just putting in an update here. I will have another scan on Tuesday. I just found the website misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com, and the stories there are truly amazing. What is so horrifying is that many of the misdiagnosed cases occur when it is just too early to see anything on ultrasound, and docs don't even recommend follow up scans! Or diagnoses of miscarriage made based on HCG alone. It is really horrifying. After reading those stories, I will not go for a D&C until I have absolute confirmation that there has been zero growth!

I also went back to my medical records from my last missed miscarriage in 2005, and was horrified. I had slow growth, and was behind in the measures, but from scan 1 at what was supposed to be 7 weeks (but measured 6 weeks on the scan) to scan 2 at 6 days later, there was some growth and the appearance of a fetal pole. The recommendation from the hospital that did the scan was to do another follow up 7-10 days later. But my horrible doctor instead told me it was miscarriage, gave me misoprostol which I took the following day, and I suffered through 44 days of bleeding, cramping and spotting, passing huge clots and even a trip to the ER for excruciating pain as one caused my cervix to dilate a couple of cms in order to pass. Ugh. I had never read through these records carefully until now. I can't believe it.

Bottom line -- anyone who is ever diagnosed with miscarriage, do not discount the pregnancy until you have had sufficient follow up scans documenting there has been no growth! Especially if you don't have any bleeding or cramping (but even if you do).

I'm still not feeling very positive about my pregnancy right now. My HCG on Thursday (at 7 weeks gestational age) was only 16,000. My symptoms have gone away, for the most part, from the nausea to the bloating. I don't really feel pregnant. But, after reading those stories, I feel like I can't give up hope until I know for sure it is over. So, the waiting continues (as does my inability to concentrate on anything else...)

[nstewart]

Thanks for keeping us updated Porcelina. 

I'm shocked and so saddened to hear what you went through in 2005.  Hoping you get better care and better answers in the coming days.

[jeanblu]

Oh my. :( 

[Lynann]

So sorry for what you previously went through, and will continue to hope along with you that you get better news next week.

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by porcelina 

Hi everyone, I'm just putting in an update here. I will have another scan on Tuesday. I just found the website misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com, and the stories there are truly amazing. What is so horrifying is that many of the misdiagnosed cases occur when it is just too early to see anything on ultrasound, and docs don't even recommend follow up scans! Or diagnoses of miscarriage made based on HCG alone. It is really horrifying. After reading those stories, I will not go for a D&C until I have absolute confirmation that there has been zero growth!

I also went back to my medical records from my last missed miscarriage in 2005, and was horrified. I had slow growth, and was behind in the measures, but from scan 1 at what was supposed to be 7 weeks (but measured 6 weeks on the scan) to scan 2 at 6 days later, there was some growth and the appearance of a fetal pole. The recommendation from the hospital that did the scan was to do another follow up 7-10 days later. But my horrible doctor instead told me it was miscarriage, gave me misoprostol which I took the following day, and I suffered through 44 days of bleeding, cramping and spotting, passing huge clots and even a trip to the ER for excruciating pain as one caused my cervix to dilate a couple of cms in order to pass. Ugh. I had never read through these records carefully until now. I can't believe it.

Bottom line -- anyone who is ever diagnosed with miscarriage, do not discount the pregnancy until you have had sufficient follow up scans documenting there has been no growth! Especially if you don't have any bleeding or cramping (but even if you do).

I'm still not feeling very positive about my pregnancy right now. My HCG on Thursday (at 7 weeks gestational age) was only 16,000. My symptoms have gone away, for the most part, from the nausea to the bloating. I don't really feel pregnant. But, after reading those stories, I feel like I can't give up hope until I know for sure it is over. So, the waiting continues (as does my inability to concentrate on anything else...)

It's scary how some medical people think of the unborn. 'Oh, its probably not viable so we can assume it won't make a difference if you take this drug.'  There was another woman on MDC just this summer who was pregnant with twins and didn't know it. She passed one and went to have a scan and the doc said she hadn't passed everything and gave her the same drug to complete the "miscarriage", basically aborting her viable healthy surviving twin! She was devastated!!

[porcelina]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

It's scary how some medical people think of the unborn. 'Oh, its probably not viable so we can assume it won't make a difference if you take this drug.'  There was another woman on MDC just this summer who was pregnant with twins and didn't know it. She passed one and went to have a scan and the doc said she hadn't passed everything and gave her the same drug to complete the "miscarriage", basically aborting her viable healthy surviving twin! She was devastated!!

Wow, this is SO HORRIFIC! I never realized these things happened, and, how apparently frequently they have happened. It is just a travesty.

[dayiscoming2006]

Wow, that is scary. I always suspected to not trust doctors with that stuff though. It's good you are making sure porcelina.

[maszat85]

Thanks Porcelina, for mentioning that site. That's what I need right now.

My thoughts are with you and I pray that you and your baby are well.

[porcelina]

Thanks again for your support ladies. Today I went in for the ultrasound. The tech did not say anything, but I could see on the abdominal that there had been no change, except that the sac was no longer nice and round. Once she started the internal, she turned the screen away. They were done with the internal in about 5 minutes. The medical fellow mumbled something about how it looked like there hadn't been much change but they were going to compare estimates and send the report to my doctor, and that I should follow up with her. I couldn't get anything out of him! But, I already had the answer I needed. Surprisingly, it was not as hard as I thought it would be to take the news, probably since I have already been grieving throughout the last 11 days. I was even able to go to work today and carry on as usual.

Then, at 12:30, right as I was heading out for lunch, the bleeding started. I am at what should have been 8w4d. From the last estimate, the baby stopped growing at 6w2d. So, I was actually strangely happy to start bleeding! Having my body recognize it naturally is probably the best thing that could have happened to me, given the rest of the news I have already processed. So, now I have no need for a D&C (I wasn't even going to consider the cytotec), and I think we will be able to try again on the next cycle.

May all the rest of you have happy, sticky, and healthy pregnancies!!
 

[jeanblu]

Sending you quick healing vibes, porcelina.  Best of luck on your next try.

[nstewart]

I hope your body and heart both heal quickly.