or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › Has anybody tried spanking?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Has anybody tried spanking?

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

I love that many of you are really unwavering in your discipline. I, like you was dedicated to gentle discipline. I dunno, my daughter was a great baby, and great even awesome all through out age 2, but when she turned 3 she became really difficult. The tantrums were just horrid and could last up to 30 min. The outright refusal to do things was just frustrating. I was spat at, hit, bit, head butted. Rooms were trashed. I read a couple books. I tried warnings, walking away, hugging her, talking calmly, talking firmly, yelling, taking toys away. I always let my yes be yes, and my no be no. In my frustration, I tried spanking. I have done it a few times, but that didnt work either. She just had to grow up a little. I couldnt "fix" her. She just had to grow. For a year, I was afraid to leave the house with her, and most of the time it just wasnt worth it. Now we dont spank anymore, and I have promised to never hit her again. As a 4 year old, she still has crazy long tantrums where her room will be destroyed, but she cleans up her mess, and genuinely is sorry. I just wait the storm out to talk about it after. They are few and far between now.  

 

I feel guilty about what I did, I have apologized to my child. I guess I wanted to know if anyone else broke under pressure. 

post #2 of 5

Sadly, yes, I have broken under pressure.  It wasn't a conscious decision that now I was going to try spanking as a discipline tool, it was a visceral reaction to some of her more outrageous behavior, and I hit her on the leg or butt a couple times when she was 3/4. And then felt HORRIBLE, and apologized, and ran myself over the racks for not being able to handle things better.   I am NOT proud of this at ALL, nor would I ever endorse spanking as a discipline technique.  My daughter is a very intense little girl and seems to be able to set off all of my personal triggers simultaneously so it requires a tremendous amount of detachment from emotion for me to remain Zen and disengage while being present and set/enforce calm but loving boundaries....and sometimes, I've failed. 

 

When she was 4/5, sometimes I would pick her up and carry her and put her in her room (and not particularly worry about being gentle), just so we could get a break from the tirades.  Not proud of that either, but it was the lesser of two evils.  

 

I will fully own that a lot of this was my reaction to her, which I am not proud of, but I am human.  I remain steadfastly committed to GD and PD as the way I advocate to raise children, and MOSTLY do with my own, aside from my occasional stumbles. 

post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

Sadly, yes, I have broken under pressure.  It wasn't a conscious decision that now I was going to try spanking as a discipline tool, it was a visceral reaction to some of her more outrageous behavior, and I hit her on the leg or butt a couple times when she was 3/4. And then felt HORRIBLE, and apologized, and ran myself over the racks for not being able to handle things better.   I am NOT proud of this at ALL, nor would I ever endorse spanking as a discipline technique.  My daughter is a very intense little girl and seems to be able to set off all of my personal triggers simultaneously so it requires a tremendous amount of detachment from emotion for me to remain Zen and disengage while being present and set/enforce calm but loving boundaries....and sometimes, I've failed. 

 

When she was 4/5, sometimes I would pick her up and carry her and put her in her room (and not particularly worry about being gentle), just so we could get a break from the tirades.  Not proud of that either, but it was the lesser of two evils.  

 

I will fully own that a lot of this was my reaction to her, which I am not proud of, but I am human.  I remain steadfastly committed to GD and PD as the way I advocate to raise children, and MOSTLY do with my own, aside from my occasional stumbles. 

 

Thank you for that.

post #4 of 5

Never with my own daughter.  But, once, when I was babysitting my boyfriend's son, he wouldn't get ready, and we needed to  go meet his dad for dinner...so, I swatted his bum... not hard, and my heart wasn't even in it.. I just thought I should try it.  Ya know, to see if it worked.  He gave me that "you are so stupid" look.  It was obvious to both of us that what I did was not only an empty threat, but I just gave him complete control over me.  

 

I felt kind of bad... mostly because I was going to let a boyfriend make me freak out....and dumb because I couldn't even spank a kid with conviction, and the child knew it.  

 

That afternoon when he and I went back home, he danced in front of me while we were watching Dukes of Hazzard and sang "You can't make me, you can't make me".  (and I couldn't)

post #5 of 5
We have been both a spanking and a non-spanking household. I do not have strong feelings about spanking either way - except to feel that it doesn't usually work. Growing up is what works.

I also had a kid who I was afraid to take out of the house for a year or so. It's very hard to deal with. Don't be too hard on yourself, mama. Your daughter is probably not even going to remember being spanked.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Gentle Discipline
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › Has anybody tried spanking?