Another Poll on Single Mama Dating (Please respond if you're not dating too!)

[Mama Soltera]

I'm wondering if their is a correlation between dating and single mother status (i.e. if you're completely solo or you have shared custody or at least regular visitation). So please respond by saying how many kids you have, if you are a single mother but your ex has regular time each week (or month) with your kid(s) or if you are doing it completely solo and never have another parent who takes your kids regularly, and how often you date. 

Thanks for responding! 

[Mama Soltera]

What I'm really getting at is if women date less when they are doing it solo so please make sure you mark carefully either "single" or "solo." That is a long poll...

[Mama Soltera]

Honestly, I have dated so little that I feel like I should mark "never," but I guess that wouldn't be accurate. 

[rubelin]

This is unrelated to dating but about the way you've written the poll - From all I've seen of single mommas I know IRL and online - there is a big difference between having one kid or more than one, much more than there's a difference between having 2 or 3. My life would be VASTLY different if I only had one kid but not a whole lot more with a third - especially in regards to the money and time I'd have available for myself - like for childcare

[zebra15]

1 kid, no child support, no visitation for ex.  Def solo on all sides of this.  Minimal dating, hoping to change that soon.

[provocativa]

I voted that X has regular time with the kids, and I have dated a little.  But really, X sees the kids 2 evenings a week with no overnights, while I am at work.  So I have no time to myself to go out and meet people and schedule dates, and I really can't afford childcare.  I went out quite a few times the last 2 months and now I am completely broke.

[Mama Soltera]

Originally Posted by rubelin 

This is unrelated to dating but about the way you've written the poll - From all I've seen of single mommas I know IRL and online - there is a big difference between having one kid or more than one, much more than there's a difference between having 2 or 3. My life would be VASTLY different if I only had one kid but not a whole lot more with a third - especially in regards to the money and time I'd have available for myself - like for childcare

You are so right. I was actually going to make one for just two kids, but then I started and realized how many options I'd have to do! My life would be way different if I had only two kids and I can hardly even imagine how different if I only had one. But this poll was the best I could do. I have noticed when men think I only have one kid (and even only two) they are much more interested. Sad, but true. 

[Mama Soltera]

And just to clarify, I am a 100% solo mom, for many, many years now. 

And provocativa, it does seem that arrangement could have the same effect as being a solo mom. 

[provocativa]

Yeah, I have no time to  myself, and I hate him and he was abusive to me.  So I won't ever call him and see if he wants them for an extra night.  Plus I lost most of my friends during my marriage, so there is no one I can count on for free childcare or who will trade babysitting with me.

[Mama Soltera]

Well, your kids are lucky that you are willing to do what's best for them even if it means you have to sacrifice some personal time. Still, that sucks. :(

The trend does seem to be, the more kids you have, and the more you have them, the less you will be dating. While that is sad and frustrating, it's also comforting. It means it's not just me being afraid of commitment or too picky or something like that, right? lol

[provocativa]

yeah, it's not you.  men in our generation who truly love kids are few and far between.  when men ask me how many kids i have, they tend to do so with a little trepidation in their voice, and then are relieved when i have only 2.  1 or 2 seem to be acceptable, more than that is not.  or that's the impression i get, anyway.

at this point i am dating whenever i get the opportunity, but none of the dates seem to lead anywhere, and i am kind of resolved at this point that i may not find anyone 'good'.  perhaps i'll try to preserve my looks for when they are grown ;}

[Radiant Lotus]

I'm glad to see that it's not just me! It was also nice to see the term "solo" to separate me as a mom with full rights and responsibilities from a single mom who shares custody. I always end up specifying that I'm single not only in relationship status, but in my parenting status as well. I'm pretty content being very single. Most days I can't imagine trying to fit dating and all of its complications into my life, and I would definitely feel odd about leaving my 2 year old with a sitter to go out. It's hard enough to leave him to go to work.

[provocativa]

FYI if you find a good sitter that you trust, it makes all the difference.  

[DCMama01]

I have one child and date mildly/moderately. My ex does have visitation but no overnights. My mom is really the reason I'm able to have a life. She has DD 1-2 weekend nights per week.

[abbylotus]

I've been a widow since April 2011 and I have two kids. I said I have dated a little, but in reality I have dated none and made out A LOT. Long story. I am not ready to date yet. My husband was the most awesome man, and I'm not saying that because he's dead, I had ever known. I only knew him a decade but I'm a much better person for it. The thought of putting myself out there with another man, or woman, just scares me at this point. 

[Mommel]

100% solo, one kiddo, haven't been with anyone since he was conceived, and not planning to date until he's off to college, if I bother at all... however, I don't feel like that's a reflection on my ability to date (time, childcare, financial resources, etc.). If I wanted to date, I would find childcare and do it, but I have NO desire to date at all. For my family, it's just not the right choice, and it's more a reflection of my priorities, personal values and life goals. I actually get quite a bit of kid free time, as I have help from family and extra childcare too, but I choose to use that time to bolster my friendships and pursue other activities.