Am I Nuts (For Only Wanting One)??? « Back to Group Discussions

[pickle18]

I guess I just need to know that there are other people like me out there. 

I know this group is a mix of people who intentionally only had one child, those who happened to end up with only one through life's twists and turns, and those who desperately want(ed) another but are seeking a positive spin on life with an only.  I guess it's the first bunch I'm appealing to.

I love DS with all my heart and soul - but he has totally and completely satisfied my desire for motherhood.  I'm sure some of that is that he is, as DH says, four hands full!   He's a bright, precocious, busy, fearless, tenacious dude - very sensitive, BIG emotions - alot going on!

Beyond that, though...I just can't see wanting to have another.  I don't mind being pregnant - it's not that.  It's true I don't know how we'd handle the finances, logistics, or have enough time for our marriage, but that's not the determining factor.  I just feel like: WHY, oh why, would I want to do it? 

It is so foreign a concept to me.  I log onto the mothering community main page and see babies.babies.babies.babies!!!  4th babies and 5th babies, birth stories, DDCs, baby photos.  I feel nothing, and then I feel bad, like there is something severely wrong with me.  Don't I like being a mother? (Heck yes!)  I'm even lucky enough to be a SAHM - shouldn't it seem like something I'd want to keep doing, since I love it and research it ad nauseum?  But I'm good.  I like every stage but have no desire to repeat it.  The idea of more just feels incredibly strange to me...

Please know that I mean *ABSOLUTELY* no offense to mamas who want more than one, or have more than one.  Props to you gals!  I'm all for everyone doing what works best for them.  This is just what works best for me, and I'd like to know I'm not crazy! (well...not because of this...)

[cat13]

You're definitely not alone, I could have written your post myself word for word! I'm in a due date club 1+ years later and everyone but me seems to have baby fever already. Only 1 other mama out of about 50 is planning on having an only. 

Part of me is sad to think I won't be pregnant again, because that was so amazing. I just can't imagine having another child in my life. 

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by cat13 

Part of me is sad to think I won't be pregnant again, because that was so amazing. I just can't imagine having another child in my life. 

  I totally agree - I really enjoyed being preggo!  Although, it would prove more interesting with a toddler, I'm sure.  I also come from a huge extended family - tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins.  There are no only kids, and 4 or more is quite common. This is contributing to my feeling like an odd duck!

There's also a beauty in leaving things up to chance that I wish I could emulate - that self-less generosity, positive outlook, and relinquishing control - welcoming whatever (and whoever!) comes.  I'm so all-or-nothing, haha.  I think I shall work on cultivating these virtues in other ways, however! 

[vydalea]

I'm totally on your page, mamas!  AND I totally ask myself the same thing all the time.  I feel like everyone around me is pregnant with #2 and I just cannot understand why.  I mean, I know it's what they want and, as you said, I respect that 100% but  still... I"m like why, why?  And in the same moment I think is something wrong with me?  I love this kid I have.  She is the love of my life.  She has changed me in ways that I could never have fathomed and I love love love it.  But another one?  I can't imagine it.  

[annaknitsspock]

Pickle18, your post made me feel a lot better! I've been obsessing over this issue lately. The other night, my MIL was kindly but insistently telling me why having an only is a huge mistake, and it really made me doubt myself. I worry that it will be kind of a lonely life for my DD but I just. don't. want. to do it all again. Actually, the idea of going back to the beginning makes me panic a little! Glad to find some mamas who feel the same!

[iris777888]

I know exactly what you're saying! I feel the same about 99.9% of the time. It blows my mind that some of the people who were in our birth class or homeschool group with oldest children my son's age (5 1/2) are already having their second, third or even fourth kids!! Personally, I absolutely loved being pregnant but I don't want to do it all again and don't feel it would be right for our family for so many reasons.

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by annaknitsspock 

I worry that it will be kind of a lonely life for my DD but I just. don't. want. to do it all again. Actually, the idea of going back to the beginning makes me panic a little! 

This (bolded) is EXACTLY how I feel!!!  I don't worry much about the sibling thing, because my lil sister annoyed the HELL out of me, and wasn't company I preferred (then or even really now) which I think has been hard on her.  I definitely don't want to bother bringing another kid into the world that I'm not as ecstatic about as DS, you know?  It's not fair to them. I know people come around to it and all kids are blessings, but as far as I can control, I don't want to have a half-hearted pregnancy or be a half-hearted parent, just because I'm obsessing over what other people think is right for my family.  

We all have to listen to our hearts and lead our own best lives.  You guys have made me feel tons better - thank you!!!! 

[vydalea]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pickle18 

This (bolded) is EXACTLY how I feel!!!  I don't worry much about the sibling thing, because my lil sister annoyed the HELL out of me, and wasn't company I preferred (then or even really now) which I think has been hard on her.  I definitely don't want to bother bringing another kid into the world that I'm not as ecstatic about as DS, you know?  It's not fair to them. I know people come around to it and all kids are blessings, but as far as I can control, I don't want to have a half-hearted pregnancy or be a half-hearted parent, just because I'm obsessing over what other people think is right for my family.  

We all have to listen to our hearts and lead our own best lives.  You guys have made me feel tons better - thank you!!!! 

 !!

[Amy@STL]

:oI am a good mom if I may say so myself but I am not nuts and do not feel any need to be mother to another human being. HOWEVER, I will be toally fine raising orphan children. So, I guess I am nuts after all