I'm going to be open about my circumstances and the variables I would bring to an adoption scenario and I would appreciate any feedback anyone here can offer me as to what might be possible or ideal for helping to connect me with the awaiting parent(s) who would feel most appreciative and aligned with the gifts and limitations I can offer!
1) This baby was conceived in semi-accidental uncensored love and passion between my husband and I, we are both very intelligent and spiritually rich individuals, musicians, writers and diligent parents, with some charismatic, dorky, artistic and sporty genes, fwiw. My due date is March 11th.
2) I have born four children (four homebirths: 1 midwife-assisted- shoulder dystocia, 3 "unassisted"- uncomplicated, fast) only the last of which was fathered by my husband...our youngest will be a full genetic sibling of this being who is yet unborn.
3) My husband and I feel that we are already entirely abundant with family, that we have no personal or egoic incentive to grow the numbers of our family; in fact, we would wish that that we could put more attention into our relationships with each of our children than we do.
4) We are very poor (of money/income), we take foodstamps, medicaid, etc. and neither of us are on a career path which we can expect will change our financial picture significantly.
5) I don't know much about adoption legalities or options, but I have the sense that my situation begs for some form of "open adoption"
6) I am very emotionally stable and feel that I can offer this child to another joyful mama without ever looking back in regret.
7) I love supporting new mothers, and I am very good at it.
8) I would offer to be a very empowered birth mother. That is, I would expect to be primarily in charge of decisions made around my pregnancy and birthing. I would always want to know the preferences of the adoptive family, but I would never hold myself to the fears/priorities of another person on this matter unless they resonated with my own sense of truth.
9) I would offer to breastfeed your child for up to a year, as well as share my life with this mother/family to some degree (I have a lot of community experience!). I could be a sort of non-judgmental mentor in parenting...that is, the kind of mentor that asks: "what kind of experience do *you* want to have in parenting?" and then I offer suggestions and feedbacks which might guide you toward your own goals. Depending on what my own homescene looked like, I might be willing/able to pump and freeze milk, but I am currently expecting to be nomadic (www.pacingtheplanet.org) and unavailable to hospital grade pumps, freezers, or even electricity.
10) I'm pretty sure that I would wish that the child would have legally secured access of contact with Gavain and I, but feel some flexibility that that could perhaps begin in later years...maybe 13, for instance.
11) I can promise honesty. I am the most straight-up honest person you could ever hope to meet. I can tell you about my challenges and hardships as easily and clearly as I can elucidate to you my strengths and gifts. I have a compulsive need to be understood which entirely surpasses the typical persons' need to be liked or accepted! So all you ever have to do is ask, and I'll lay bare to you my reality, hopes, dreams, health concerns, fears, circumstances, whatever. On the flip side, I do not know how to limit my conversations to socially acceptable norms or polite light discussions of weather. This becomes uncomfortable for most people.
12) We are not desperate or even necessarily decided that adoption of this child will be our final choice. We are open to welcoming and loving another little being and feel normal curiosity and anticipation of the magic that this one would bring to our lives; if the "right fit" adoptive-family were not to play out, we would accept it as "a sign" that we are meant to parent this one, also.
13) My husband is more oriented toward this strategy of adopting the child into a new family than I am, though as I have said, I feel entirely open to it. Another way to say that, if you ask me, is that I have more confidence that we can adequately provide for a fifth child than my husband does. Which is ok. I understand his perspective, and I think he understands mine also. We are both excited about the possibilities which might await us, this child, and another parent/family, through adoption.
There's a basic rundown...what do you think?
Edited by mamatochubchub - 9/22/12 at 4:46pm