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My Busy Morning (a little mothering humor)

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

Baby Bird and I are with Pirate on a business trip this week. The following is an email I sent my mom, SIL, and MIL about our morning. Yes, this is a completely true story!

 

 

Dear Family,

I look awfully cute in the attached picture, don't I? I was chilling after my bath while Mommy took a quick shower. Funny story about why me and Mommy both needed a bath. Mommy got up this morning to find that I had soaked the top of my pajamas and blanket in spit up. Unsurprisingly, Mommy also discovered I had a wet and poopy diaper. Mommy felt terrible that I had been sitting in my own vomit for who knows how long, so she quickly started stripping off my PJs and had plans to wipe me down with a warm wash cloth. (This is when she discovered the dirty diaper.) Mommy decided to change my diaper before wiping me down. Right about the time the clean diaper was going to go on me, I decided it would be a great time to pee on my own face. It turns out it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Luckily, Mommy decided to stop me mid-stream with a diaper. She also decided that this would be a great time to strip off her own pajamas and jump in the tub with me. (She was kind of milky from my 3:30 feeding, anyway.)

Right before we got to the tub, I realized I wasn't done peeing, so I finished the job. Since we were so close to the toilet, Mommy tried to get me there in time, but I mostly just got the seat. Somehow Mommy managed to get both of us in the bath tub. I was really howling prior to this point, because Mommy hadn't fed me yet! I'm not sure why she was so worried about cleaning me up when I was HUNGRY. But I really like the water, so I decided I didn't need to cry any more. Mommy washed the pee off my face and then fed me. The bath tub was little, so I got kind of cold being half in and half out of the water, but I didn't mind too much. Mommy seemed a little distressed that she couldn't reach a towel to cover me with. I don't know why - after all, there was MILK to be had! Eventually, she decided it was important enough to interrupt my feeding, but we got right back to business once she had acquired a towel. Unfortunately, the ends of the towel quickly got in the water, so I was soon covered in a cold wet towel. I'm not sure, but Mommy might have been a little teary-eyed at that point. Once I wasn't hungry any more, Mommy let me play in the water while she washed me. Part way through this process, I realized I needed to pee AGAIN. So I did. Mommy muttered something about hoping Daddy was right when he said, "Dilution is the solution to pollution," and kept going. I figured as long as I had peed in the water, I might as well spit up a little too. Turns out I didn't need quite as much milk as I thought I did. Right about the time Mommy was going to get me out of the tub, I decided to go for the Triple Crown and poop in the tub. Not a lot, just enough to make my mark. For some reason, Mommy didn't seem impressed. She started draining the tub right away, and started talking about something called a "shower."

Showers are okay, it turns out. A little startling at first, but not too bad. Plus I can snuggle right up to Mommy. It doesn't matter how much she showers. She always smells like milk to me! Apparently Mommy decided not to take any more chances in the water. After a little rinsing, she got me out of the shower and put a diaper on me. Then she wrapped me up in a towel and took that picture. Then she disappeared back into that shower thing for a few minutes. I didn't mind the towel cocoon at first, but it got old after a minute or so. I started making noises so Mommy would know my tummy didn't feel that great, and I would like her to please come back to me. She kept telling me I was okay, but I disagreed a little. As soon as she finished her shower and I could see her again, I let out a biiiiig poop. Mommy looked a little dismayed, but I sure felt better. But then I remembered that I was hungry again. For some strange reason, Mommy thought she should dry off and put on clothes and change my diaper AGAIN before feeding me. I also heard her muttering something about cleaning up the mess from the first diaper change. I let her know throughout the process that I was not impressed with the way she was handling things. Plus, I was getting a little tired of being naked, towel cocoon or no. Finally, she wrapped me up in a blanket and fed me again. In order to make room for more delicious milk, I pooped again. Mommy seemed unsure if she should laugh or cry. She settled for sighing. I got nice and sleepy with my full tummy, but for some reason Mommy decided to change me AGAIN, and put clothes on me. I howled in protest - yes, I hated being naked, but I was asleep, darn it. I relented when Mommy wrapped me up in a blanket again and picked me up. I do like walking.

Mommy got her revenge, though - we walked down to the car and got my Ergo (more howling from me about being put in it, until we started walking), and Mommy took me to breakfast in the lobby. She spilled syrup and eggs on my head, just so I would know I wasn't the only one who could make messes!

Love,

 

Baby Bird


Edited by monkeyscience - 9/24/12 at 1:51pm
post #2 of 10

Love it! Thank you for the pick-me-up!

post #3 of 10

So funny, thanks for sharing!

post #4 of 10

So funny, Monkey.  I thought of you this morning as I went in to work with the peanut.  She proceeded to have a blowout in the sling on the way to my office from the parking lot, which required a complete onesie and diaper change (and me ignoring the poop on the sling).  I nursed her after changing her and she then proceeded to spit up an entire gallon on my sleeve and the front of my shirt.  I was sitting in my office with my boob hanging out trying to do damage control without covering both of us.  It was pretty amazing.

post #5 of 10

Shortly after I read this we had Q spit up more than I knew she could eat, then pee and poop her pants, blow-out style, then while being changed, spit-up some more, all over the bed, and then some more pee.  In the end all of the bedding, Q's clothes, as well as my and B's clothes needed to be washed and Q and I ended up in the shower.

post #6 of 10

"I let her know throughout the process that I was not impressed with the way she was handling things."

 

Oh, I know how that goes!

 

The other day I was changing a diaper.  Once his butt was free & in the air, he let loose an entire arc of poop, that flew off the table and onto the pile of clean diapers on the floor.  While I stared at this in horror, he started a pee fountain, all over himself and the table.  Then, he spit up everywhere.  It was AMAZING.  I was simultaneously horrified and impressed.

post #7 of 10

Thank you for sharing a day in the life of babyboy.gif

And taking a photo in the middle of it all - I am impressed! 

Quote:
Originally Posted by pennywhistle View Post

"I let her know throughout the process that I was not impressed with the way she was handling things."

That quote was my favorite part of the whole story

post #8 of 10
Mommy muttered something about hoping Daddy was right when he said, "Dilution is the solution to pollution," and kept going.

 

Absolutely!

 

 

The other day I was changing a diaper.  Once his butt was free & in the air, he let loose an entire arc of poop, that flew off the table and onto the pile of clean diapers on the floor.  While I stared at this in horror, he started a pee fountain, all over himself and the table.  Then, he spit up everywhere.  It was AMAZING.  I was simultaneously horrified and impressed.

 

HILARIOUS!

 

I have had my share of these experiences as well. My favorite so far was the GIANT dump taken during our bath together. It turned the whole bath water the color of gatorade. Disgusting!

...or maybe it was the arc of projectile poo in a middle of the night diaper change that drenched our bed, requiring a total reboot of bedding and PJs for baby, mommy and daddy.

 

The only way to "handle things" is with a sense of humor :)

post #9 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by pennywhistle View Post

"I let her know throughout the process that I was not impressed with the way she was handling things."

 

Oh, I know how that goes!

 

The other day I was changing a diaper.  Once his butt was free & in the air, he let loose an entire arc of poop, that flew off the table and onto the pile of clean diapers on the floor.  While I stared at this in horror, he started a pee fountain, all over himself and the table.  Then, he spit up everywhere.  It was AMAZING.  I was simultaneously horrified and impressed.

Being a parent is a perpetual "what's grosser than gross " contest.... 

post #10 of 10

You know, that's something they just don't tell people ahead of time.

Just how much your life will revolve around bodily functions once you delve into the adventures of parenthood.

 

If it's not breastmilk spraying everywhere, it's poop explosions, pee fountains, puke/spit-up/barf/vomit. Sooner than later it's locating every restroom where you are traveling because when a little one HAS to go, they HAVE to go!  It's giving in and letting them go on the side of the road (something I swear I would never do!!), changing diapers on the front seat, knowing where an appropriate barf bag is in the car because when they say "I have to pu....." you have all of half a second between stripping car seats down to hand scrub or just hosing off the floor mats when you get home.

 

Oh and then there's the (fortunately very brief) stage of poop smearing at nap time which is curbed by zipper pajamas on backwards, there's the nose wiping from inevitable head colds...

 

I'm sorry, it just won't get better for a few years at least lol!

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