Originally Posted by A&A
You strongly implied that this was reason enough to not have to tell a spouse. "He/she should have been able to figure it out on his/her own" kind of thing.
No, that's not what I said and I didn't imply that.
What I said, for the last time, is that the reason to not tell is because the tremendous pain it would cause. That's why. The tremendous, soul shattering pain. It's the only reason to not be 100% honest is to avoid hurting another person. I know that some disagree with that, and that's fine. But to me, having seen how much pain is involved, I think it is better if the spouse gets their head back in the marriage and starts treating their spouse with love rather than ripping their heart to shreds.
And you can disagree with that, but to insult me or say that I'm saying something other that than just isn't appropriate.
I didn't say that he/she should be able to figure out. Quite the opposite. I said that it is possible to have an affair and keep it secret.
I said that the best indicator of the health of a marriage is the whether the spouse is emotionally present. I haven't a clue how anyone can argue with that, even though you seem to be, and insulting me and marriage in the process. I've no idea why saying that if someone wants to know what is going on in their marriage, they should look to how their partner treats them and what is going on in their relationship can be so controversial. No idea at all.
I'm nearly 50. My husband and I are happily married, but we have worked hard to get here. We've seen all our friends through divorces.
I'm done being insulted on this thread. I'm not living in denial about anything, and this thread isn't about me making peace with anything. I don't enjoy being told that I said things that I didn't. You are reading in your own issues, not anything I've said.
I was trying to offer some well earned advice. It's obviously wasted.