How Do I Respond to Anti-Semitism in My Kids' Schools? - Page 3

[amma_mama]

Originally Posted by meemee 

OP i am glad things have worked out to your satisfaction. somewhat. 

but i do want to say something about teenspeak.

yes some keep that up when they are older. i once asked the question about the n word when i heard kids talking about it.

and guess what. a mom here said she herself used it when she was a teen but she has grown out of it. 

yes you have the right to feel offended. no i am not jewish but i am a minority here. lets face it most people have no idea how not to be offensive. i face offense every single day in some form or another. i volunteer a lot with teens and just out of teens - young community college students. just coz those words are said, it doesnt mean the person using the terms are being offensive. they are using it because of lack of knowledge. and therefore i dont take offense because they dont mean it. 

sad but true the world is a very racist place. i no longer try to change anything. somedays are more upsetting that others. esp. for a person who can easily fit 3 ethnic groups so i face triple the amount of prejudice. i dont face too much direct racism but i face all sorts of subtle racism. 

i have watched some of those ugly kids grow out of that behaviour. it comes from awareness. from me too to let them have their speak when its their time, then awareness hits and things work out, usually. 

i really dont believe in my life time will a day pass when i wont face prejudice. it is so over the top, that really - for me - i am done with being upset over comments. its not about me. its about them. 

but yeah to each their own. what i have discovered is racism/prejudice is a 'normal' state of being. what is 'abnormal' is a person who has not faced any prejudice. 

So, the world is a racist place but kids making racist remarks are not racists? Teens miraculously grow out of it without anybody telling them how offensive it is? And I guess since they grow out of it, all the adult racists must have been grown on trees. That is some real logic there. Racism is racism. What is so hard to understand here? 

[meemee]

Originally Posted by amma_mama 

So, the world is a racist place but kids making racist remarks are not racists? Teens miraculously grow out of it without anybody telling them how offensive it is? And I guess since they grow out of it, all the adult racists must have been grown on trees. That is some real logic there. Racism is racism. What is so hard to understand here? 

no one is saying dont talk to the teens. 

point it out but let them get out of it when they are ready to.

dont get into their conversation and tell them what's wrong.

have you never heard a guy call his gf a bitch and she come smiling to him. these are teen or just past teen. and you try to tell them what was offensive in that and they will roll their eyes at you.

its teenspeak and no they should not be forbidden.

when its time they will get out of it. however if racism IS their belief then no matter what you say when you say - will make any difference. 

i mean if you come down to brass tacks for me anyone celebrating thanksgiving or columbus day in the US is a racist. why cant we ask for another day to be TG day. why do we keep to that day. yes by now all the real meaning behind TG is lost, and i know no one really thinks of the original meaning behind tg, but is that reason enough to go on with it.  

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by meemee 

no one is saying dont talk to the teens. 

point it out but let them get out of it when they are ready to.

dont get into their conversation and tell them what's wrong.

have you never heard a guy call his gf a bitch and she come smiling to him. these are teen or just past teen. and you try to tell them what was offensive in that and they will roll their eyes at you.

its teenspeak and no they should not be forbidden.

when its time they will get out of it. however if racism IS their belief then no matter what you say when you say - will make any difference. 

i mean if you come down to brass tacks for me anyone celebrating thanksgiving or columbus day in the US is a racist. why cant we ask for another day to be TG day. why do we keep to that day. yes by now all the real meaning behind TG is lost, and i know no one really thinks of the original meaning behind tg, but is that reason enough to go on with it.  

Well, I sure do wish someone had told me how sexist my high school boyfriend who called me a bitch would turn out to be. Are you serious meemee?

[pek64]

To all :

The words used make all the difference!

Saying 'I wouldn't be bothered by "Jew girl" is an expression of an opinion.

Saying 'The phrase "Jew girl" is not offensive' is imposing your view on the other person.

Like it or not, agree with it or not, that is the reality. It is not just semantics.

OP :
Perhaps some of us meant the first and said the second. If I did that, I apologize. I only meant to express an opinion.

It can be difficult when those around you have different views, especially if they arrogantly believe they are right. If it helps you to feel better, Christians, in my experience, spend time telling each other that only certain Christian groups are right, and all others need to change. I hope things go well for you!

[amma_mama]

Originally Posted by meemee 

no one is saying dont talk to the teens. 

point it out but let them get out of it when they are ready to.

dont get into their conversation and tell them what's wrong.

have you never heard a guy call his gf a bitch and she come smiling to him. these are teen or just past teen. and you try to tell them what was offensive in that and they will roll their eyes at you.

its teenspeak and no they should not be forbidden.

when its time they will get out of it. however if racism IS their belief then no matter what you say when you say - will make any difference. 

i mean if you come down to brass tacks for me anyone celebrating thanksgiving or columbus day in the US is a racist. why cant we ask for another day to be TG day. why do we keep to that day. yes by now all the real meaning behind TG is lost, and i know no one really thinks of the original meaning behind tg, but is that reason enough to go on with it.  

It is not teenspeak , it is racist hate speech. Teens do not get a pass on that. They may not change their attitudes but that does not mean that the rest of us have to tolerate it.

[pek64]

Nevermind. Off topic.
Edited by pek64 - 10/11/12 at 9:23pm

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by pek64 

Christians, in my experience, spend time telling each other that only certain Christian groups are right, and all others need to change. I hope things go well for you!

SOME Christians, perhaps. NOT all. That is as biased as any other statement deemed offensive on this thread.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by meemee 

no one is saying dont talk to the teens. 

point it out but let them get out of it when they are ready to.

dont get into their conversation and tell them what's wrong.

have you never heard a guy call his gf a bitch and she come smiling to him. these are teen or just past teen. and you try to tell them what was offensive in that and they will roll their eyes at you.

its teenspeak and no they should not be forbidden.

Seriously? My 8 year old knows better than to say these things, and I don't think for a minute that she's a particularly enlightened child. You do not call people names. Period. And I will come down hard on anyone who does it, just like I did for the neighbor's 13 year old who was calling my daughter "fat" and a "brat".

If you don't tell them what's wrong, how are they going to learn? That's an attitude I really don't understand. Bigoted teenspeak is still bigotry. No one gets a free pass because they're 16. Now, it doesn't mean that I'm going to write a 16 year old off, but I should would provide a learning opportunity. I respect the OP's desire not to get involved. It's tricky with teens. But if ANY teen that I know says something like that within my hearing, they're going to know why that's wrong. They'll probably roll their eyes at me and consider me to be the fuddy-duddy, uncool, middle aged lady that I am. But I also bet it'll have an impact.

Just because the world is racist doesn't mean you have to let it go unchallenged.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

Well, I sure do wish someone had told me how sexist my high school boyfriend who called me a bitch would turn out to be. Are you serious meemee?

gosh yes i am so serious. and it isnt even me talking. 

i took that incident out of a teen development book. 

Lynn the point is i am sure a lot of them know. but its something they DO as a teen. i am surprised you havent come across any. i hear them in school all the time. if i had to tell them every time i heard a racist term then i'd have no time to study. 

would you point that out to a teen who is laughing and joking with their friends and using racist talk?

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by meemee 

gosh yes i am so serious. and it isnt even me talking. 

i took that incident out of a teen development book. 

Lynn the point is i am sure a lot of them know. but its something they DO as a teen. i am surprised you havent come across any. i hear them in school all the time. if i had to tell them every time i heard a racist term then i'd have no time to study. 

would you point that out to a teen who is laughing and joking with their friends and using racist talk?

If it's someone I knew, yes, I would. Just because they're having fun doesn't mean it's OK. A quick "hey, it's not OK to use those words" goes a long way. Hell, I can usually get them with raised eyebrows and "The Look". It's not like a make a huge production. I just let them know that what they're doing isn't OK. Just like I let them know that riding bikes over someone's newly seeded lawn, or tossing someone's water bottle in the trash because you're frustrated with them is also not a wise choice.

It's part of that whole village idea.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by wagz 

Frankly, I'm sick of having to teach other people's children tolerance.  

I can really sympathize (maybe empathize) with you on this.  I am Buddhist, dh is atheist, and dds are fairly non-religious.  Dds and I are also vegan and we live in a community with a lot of families from farming/ranching backgrounds.  When my dd14 was in early elementary, I was approached by a kid in her class to ask me if I knew that dd was going to hell b/c she "didn't have Jesus in her heart" and we've dealt with a lot of bullying over the years about their diets.  Dd12 just yesterday came home telling me how a number of kids in her grade were telling her that she was small b/c she doesn't get enough protein, that she was weak, that god wanted her to eat meat...  A number of them have taken to calling her a cannibal for some strange reason.  The incident yesterday happened at lunch and she related that the lunch monitors just watched while a large bunch of the 7th grade gathered around her table to badger her about her diet.  Dd14 agrees that the teachers don't get involved even when they see it.

Like you, I have a high schooler.  It gets harder and harder to advocate on their behalf as they get older like that b/c the school staff doesn't view it positively when they're not little kids anymore.  I'm mostly listening and suggesting ways to them that they can stand up for themselves at this point unless it reaches the point where it gets way out of line.  Dh contacted dd12's principal about an instance regarding her last year b/c she was only a 6th grader at that time and she was getting physically injured.

[JamieCatheryn]

Calling the new kid something like that is one thing and seems exclusionary, but if they were close enough already to tease each other teens totally do that kind of thing. My DH had 2 friends named Matt in high school, one he knew first and another who proudly became known as Jew-Matt. This was in a diverse place but still minority enough to be a distinction (his friends were very religiously diverse, though most of those who were atheist or pagan at the time became christians in their twenties). The difference is whether it offends them or not, and whether it draws them closer or keeps them apart.

In my own experience in elementary school, the most exclusionary thing teachers can do is hold up the "different" kid as an example of a particular culture or religion. We had 3 advanced primary grades together and come December we'd always hear all about these 2 boys in class being Jewish. One of them ate his boogers on a regular basis - we all saw it - so another difference getting pointed out didn't help him fit in any. One substitute somewhere around 2nd grade came in and for some reason had us go around the room saying what religion we were. Well, I wasn't raised religious and got confused, shrugged and when she asked "are you Christian?" and I said "no I'm not Kristen I'm Jamie" ...embarrassing moments really stay with you for years. Most of us were blissfully unaware of any barriers between us besides behavior until things were pointed out.