The background: we have moved eight times in just over a year, not on purpose things just ended up that way, this includes through my pregnancy and at 37 weeks. We are in debt and struggling to pay bills, I am dealing with some major physical issues from my almost 11 lb vbac baby and forceps delivery. I have ppd/ppa, and many PTSD symptoms from my daughter's c section 2.5 years ago. Dd was/is extremely high needs had reflux barely slept and had to be bounced ob a yoga ball in the ergo for hours and hours day and night. She nurses constantly. When we stopped bouncing when I got pregnant and it usually took a good three hours if screaming before she slept even though exhausted nothing worked, she had sensory issues and was just a handful.
Now ds has reflux though mostly not as bad as dd's was. He also gets very constipated and gets ear infections. He slept pretty solidly before but by 3-4 months he became hard to get to sleep and woke so so often (10 x's?) often for hours. For months I was getting three broken hours of sleep. After a lot of herbs, honeopathy, diet changes he goes to sleep fairly easily but awakes often to nurse ( at least every two hours) a d often can't get back to sleep by 2-4 am. Usually I try a number of things - nursing, rocking, laying him in his crib, ear drops/Advil/ homeopathics, herbs for reflux, etc. after about an hour I get dh up... He sleeps with my 2.5 year old althoygh she wakes only occasionally, she and the baby would wake each other up. Usually he gets up but often whines or says what the $&@#% is wrong with this kid? Then he will usually try rocking him first which often doesn't work, I have a theory that it squishes his stomach and gives him reflux and he even when it doesn't he seems to have an aversion it. Once in a while he will sleep, usually he screams and as some of you know this aggravates the reflux. It can go on for 10-15 minutes usually with me begging him to stop because I know he won't calm down and it is stressing me out/keeping me up (out house is small) and will eventually wake dd. quite a few nights lately they've both been up for this reason. So I get screwed over. Dh is convinced we spoil ds ( he didn't thibk that about dd apparently he believed in AP then?) if ds stops crying even for a moment to breathe he'll say he's almost asleep, blame me etc. I've tried staying out of it but I can't bear to hear him scream like that for more than 15 mins.
The other issue is I'm exhausted, I need to sleep, and I'd dh takes da outside in the ergo he will almost always sleep very soon without screaming. Of course it's cold and he doesn't want to but. It works and I just let dh sleep most of the night.
We had another huge fight in the middle of the night, dh refused to take him out but ds had been crying ob and off (mostly on) with him for an Hour and I really needed to sleep and ds was clearly distressed. We had a conversation last week about hOw stressful it is for me, he agreed to take him out after he cried for ten minutes doing other things. Then we had a few better sleep nights then last night. I've been seeing a therapist and we've gone together once and are going back next week. I've been working hard on asking more nicely/ not nagging criticizing so I told him as he started to argue with me that as per our convo could be please take ds out I really needed to sleep we could discuss whether he was spoiled in daylight hours. He said no ill rock him. Ds is very distressed, I am holding him, I say no, we've discussed this I'm not ok with it you've rocked him tyree times and he's cried through all of them. Then he snaps and looks very scary and angry and says he's had it up to here with my " f-ing parenting issues" keep inundate he's been awake for an hour I've been awake most of the night because even when ds wasn't awake he was tossing and turning. I tell him not to talk to me like that he keeps shouting and eventually I tell him to leave. I don't feel safe it's not the first time this has happened. He goes in the room where my daughter is sleepibg I tell him to leave again he says niche has a right to be here I say stop shouting you'll wake dd who is stirring . He says it's my fault if she wakes up. Finally he leaves in a rage to sleep in the car. I get dd to pee and set her u with books and tell her I need to put ds to sleep, I pace the floor with ds on my back and he goes to sleep within ten minutes.
I feel badly for dh and tell him he can come in but to be quiet. I go to sleep once again feeling sick to my stomach and Angry with dh.
We talked for about a minute this morning and agrees to talk later... I just don't know. We've discussed this to death and he ultimately thinks ds is spoiled and won't live up to his end of the agreement. Have others been through this? With a dh who doesn't support AP or night waking in general? What if you can just bite the bullet and take it all on because you need sleep so desperately? My therapist had suggested if he won't cooperate to leave but in this situation I would have felt like I was abandoning my kids when he was in a rage. He is usually calm but does get into these rages now and then.
I feel do exhausted, no patience, and horrible thoughts going through my my mind I have so much else going on, and have been close to going to the ER lately
I need advise especially btdt
Edited by doulawoman - 10/16/12 at 3:31am
Now ds has reflux though mostly not as bad as dd's was. He also gets very constipated and gets ear infections. He slept pretty solidly before but by 3-4 months he became hard to get to sleep and woke so so often (10 x's?) often for hours. For months I was getting three broken hours of sleep. After a lot of herbs, honeopathy, diet changes he goes to sleep fairly easily but awakes often to nurse ( at least every two hours) a d often can't get back to sleep by 2-4 am. Usually I try a number of things - nursing, rocking, laying him in his crib, ear drops/Advil/ homeopathics, herbs for reflux, etc. after about an hour I get dh up... He sleeps with my 2.5 year old althoygh she wakes only occasionally, she and the baby would wake each other up. Usually he gets up but often whines or says what the $&@#% is wrong with this kid? Then he will usually try rocking him first which often doesn't work, I have a theory that it squishes his stomach and gives him reflux and he even when it doesn't he seems to have an aversion it. Once in a while he will sleep, usually he screams and as some of you know this aggravates the reflux. It can go on for 10-15 minutes usually with me begging him to stop because I know he won't calm down and it is stressing me out/keeping me up (out house is small) and will eventually wake dd. quite a few nights lately they've both been up for this reason. So I get screwed over. Dh is convinced we spoil ds ( he didn't thibk that about dd apparently he believed in AP then?) if ds stops crying even for a moment to breathe he'll say he's almost asleep, blame me etc. I've tried staying out of it but I can't bear to hear him scream like that for more than 15 mins.
The other issue is I'm exhausted, I need to sleep, and I'd dh takes da outside in the ergo he will almost always sleep very soon without screaming. Of course it's cold and he doesn't want to but. It works and I just let dh sleep most of the night.
We had another huge fight in the middle of the night, dh refused to take him out but ds had been crying ob and off (mostly on) with him for an Hour and I really needed to sleep and ds was clearly distressed. We had a conversation last week about hOw stressful it is for me, he agreed to take him out after he cried for ten minutes doing other things. Then we had a few better sleep nights then last night. I've been seeing a therapist and we've gone together once and are going back next week. I've been working hard on asking more nicely/ not nagging criticizing so I told him as he started to argue with me that as per our convo could be please take ds out I really needed to sleep we could discuss whether he was spoiled in daylight hours. He said no ill rock him. Ds is very distressed, I am holding him, I say no, we've discussed this I'm not ok with it you've rocked him tyree times and he's cried through all of them. Then he snaps and looks very scary and angry and says he's had it up to here with my " f-ing parenting issues" keep inundate he's been awake for an hour I've been awake most of the night because even when ds wasn't awake he was tossing and turning. I tell him not to talk to me like that he keeps shouting and eventually I tell him to leave. I don't feel safe it's not the first time this has happened. He goes in the room where my daughter is sleepibg I tell him to leave again he says niche has a right to be here I say stop shouting you'll wake dd who is stirring . He says it's my fault if she wakes up. Finally he leaves in a rage to sleep in the car. I get dd to pee and set her u with books and tell her I need to put ds to sleep, I pace the floor with ds on my back and he goes to sleep within ten minutes.
I feel badly for dh and tell him he can come in but to be quiet. I go to sleep once again feeling sick to my stomach and Angry with dh.
We talked for about a minute this morning and agrees to talk later... I just don't know. We've discussed this to death and he ultimately thinks ds is spoiled and won't live up to his end of the agreement. Have others been through this? With a dh who doesn't support AP or night waking in general? What if you can just bite the bullet and take it all on because you need sleep so desperately? My therapist had suggested if he won't cooperate to leave but in this situation I would have felt like I was abandoning my kids when he was in a rage. He is usually calm but does get into these rages now and then.
I feel do exhausted, no patience, and horrible thoughts going through my my mind I have so much else going on, and have been close to going to the ER lately
I need advise especially btdtEdited by doulawoman - 10/16/12 at 3:31am
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