I appreciate you ladies weighing in. I've been in contact with ICAN the last 2 pregnancies. I've read wonderful stories of VBAMCs. I've researched and contacted ANY provider who even has a reputation for supporting VBAC within a 2 hour radius of where I live. It is doubtful I could find a midwife who would support me in a HB. There is no such option as a midwife supporting a VBA2+C in the hospital. There are no birthing centers. The woman I used for #3 wanted me to cocare with a physician, but I couldn't find a physician who would agree. I paid the midwife $4K out of pocket and she ended up dropping me when I was 10 days "late." On her advice, I had to walk into a hospital and ask them to do a C-Section (she accompanied me posing as my doula) because I had no other option. To rub salt into the wound, my health insurance company went out of business and we ended up with a $30,000 bill from the hospital (that we are still making payments on!)
The physician I found for my 4th agreed to not schedule a C/S and just "see how it goes at the end." (He was the MOST supportive doctor I could find. Even the doctors who reportedly were VBAC advocates would only take patients with 1 prior c-section. I went armed with the study about how VBA3C+ is safe but still no one would take me) I ended up having bronchitis and pleurisy for the month before my due date. I broke 3 ribs from coughing. I couldn't get a normal breath without excruciating pain which made me acknowledge that I couldn't tolerate labor anyway. We scheduled a RCS 2 days before my EDD. My only baby born before the EDD and she was 10lbs 11oz.
My biggest struggle in this isn't whether I should try for a VBA4C for my safety or the baby's. I readily acknowledge I prefer this. I just don't have the support. ICAN was not able to point me to providers who would support me either. I'm not willing to try unassisted.
My plan for now is to make an appointment with the physician from the 4th birth at around 12 weeks. If he will take the wait and see attitude with me again, then great, but I'll be surprised. I'm not 100% sure he would have been completely supportive of the hospital VBAC in the end because it never came down to it. But he at least he is the ONLY one to humor me.
I also plan to meet with a physician whom I know advocates VBAMC, BUT does not deliver anymore. (He and another doctor in his practice were sued.) I just want to ask his opinion on how hard I should push for my right to VBAC and see if he can lead me to someone who can support me. Last time we talked (for guidance the night before I walked cold into the hospital for a CS for #3) he did not know of anyone who could help me.
So my biggest struggle is how much should I torment myself trying to find support and wishing for what can never be? It's not like I haven't exhausted my resources in the past. The only option I see is traveling to a state with a better birthing climate. I am not willing to go to that extreme. With 4 kids at home, one of whom will likely still be nursing, I need to be near them.
I guess I'm just looking for everyone to say, "You've got no choice, just plan the RCS and be done with it this time. In YOUR case there is nothing else you can do." Or slap me in the face and say "You're just making excuses. You'd be crazy not to keep looking under every rock you can find for a way to do your VBA4C!"
I think in writing all this out, I already realize that I have to keep trying to find support because I won't rest if I don't try anyway.