Anybody here planning a homebirth? - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[adventuregirl]

Originally Posted by scary biscuits 

I am in Vancouver, BC and am planning a home birth and was really happy to see this article a friend posted to facebook this morning. http://www.timescolonist.com/touch/health/story.html?id=7481232 Midwife attended births, at home and the hospital, have been covered for a while here, but to have someone in the government officially recognize HB as a reasonable and viable option is just fantastic.

That is awesome!!! Yay Canada!

Regarding the squat bar, I guess I never had that on my radar, but I can imagine it would be a nice tool for birthing. The more tools, the better, I think. I have been wanting to get a pull up bar anyhow, so I think we may find one before our birth.

[augustashley]

A good friend of mine picked up a wooden odd shaped stool (sort of like a split bicycle seat) at a flea market-it turned out to be a midwife's squatting stool-low to the ground so your legs would still be up, with a space to deliver.  Isn't that neat!  I need to take a picture of it the next time I visit her house.

[SteeleTig]

We are planning a homebirth, my daughter (our first) had to be delivered in the hospital due to P.R.O.M. and spent almost a week in the NICU due to an infection from them checking my dilation. 

[Loogiejane]

Hola, I only just now found this thread so I'm going to post first and then go through reading everyone's responses before mine :)

I'm planning a homebirth with my first. I have an older sister who I'm very close with who I've learned so much about birth from and she is who I learned about homebirth from. She had 2 homebirths and then a hospital transfer with her 3rd resulting in a CS. She didn't really NEED the CS but without giving the boring details, she got one. So she's really seen it all. I was at her first labor when I was 23 and I was VERY involved. I held her while she pushed and that part wasn't planned. What a trip. But it was awesome. Gahhhhhhh and her first MW was awwwwwwwesome. "A true worldwide gem" as my sis puts it.

Anyway, I don't love the birthing options here between birth centers and hospitals. All the hospitals have a 25-30% CS rate!!) and there's one stand alone birth center that yukky looking to me and the other one that's within a hospital risks you out if you're a week late and automatically makes you use regular L+D. No thahnks. I also really wanted the homebirth midwife vibe and at least here in NY that's just really hard to find unless you're doing an actual homebirth. I'm pretty happy with the MW I chose. I've only had one prenatal appt so far but I love that emails me back within hours of any question I email her and I like that she is all floaty hippy dippy (even though some would call me a hippy lol).

My apartment is old and gross, in Brooklyn, run down, the smallest bathtub on earth and our walls our paper thin lol, but we're going for it anyway. My neighbors will just have to deal. Maybe I'll bake them cookies beforehand. "Hi, I made these just for you. By the way, sorry if you hear me screaming for 3 days straight any time soon. Enjoy!"

[SteeleTig]

I'm in Brooklyn too! Who are you delivering with? I'm with Miriam Schwarzchild.

[Loogiejane]

I'm using Cara. Miriam is her back-up. I emailed Miriam when I was on my search (she and Cara were my top two picks) but she never got back to me! :(

Wait actually, lol, I think Cara is Miriam's back-up :)
 

[Loogiejane]

Oh whoops correction I meant to say I like that she ISNT all float hippy dippy, ha.

[SteeleTig]

Yeah, Miriam is a phone person. She's far from hippy dippy too, lol.

[Loogiejane]

I tried to reach by phone but her voicemail (left by her daughter I think ) said phone wasnt a good way to reach her and that email was best. Oh well :)

[nstewart]

Glad you have found someone you like LJ!  I saw a thread in another DDC (or maybe the homebirth forum, I can't remember) about posting a sign on your apartment door so no one calls the cops! lol ~ Labour in Progress~

Almost finished reading Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Childbirth".  It's pretty good, I will say.  Nothing that I didn't know before (except maybe the "apple shaking" or "chung-ing"), but I like the "stories" and examples that she uses and it's a good "refresher".  Now how to put some stuff into action.  I remember with DS that during transition I started thinking waaayyy to much about how much longer it would probably be until I could push.  Need to avoid that kind of thing this time round.

Question for you HB mamas ~ Are you using a Doula this time?  We had a doula last time, with DS (natural hospital birth).  Do I need a doula when I'm using a MW?  I didn't feel like my doula did THAT much to be honest (she was good and supportive, but I had a short labour and she didn't get to us until I was well past 6cm due to a combination of labor denial on my part, and her living over an hour away) so I am wondering if I should have a doula when I have a MW?  If so, I think I might hire someone else ONLY because I expect to have an even shorter labor this time, and as I said my previous doula lives over an hour away.

In other news - The HB thing came up with my mom the other day, and I can't lie to my mom (sometimes I wish I could, but I just can't).  She FREAKED out when I said that I hadn't decided if I was having the baby at home or in the hospital (ok, so I guess I did sort of lie as I am 99% sure of having a HB).  Ugh.  Apparently, it is HER decision where I have the baby (she actually used those words).  Boundary issues much??  She knows nothing about HB or midwives, and jumps to a million conclusions in about 5 seconds with no information, without asking any questions, and without considering my feelings.  If it comes up again then I am going to have to be really firm about the fact that it's not up for discussion and she needs to mind her own business.  I've never had to do that with her before, but it's coming...she'll freak out and I'll just have to ignore her.  Help!

[Loogiejane]

Well I am having a doula (it's my first) because my midwife requires it. At first I was sort of not into that, that I had no choice, but I got over it. Turns out the doula she prefers to use is also a MW so I was happy to hear that. I feel like for us, having a doula will be good because DH while my BFF and so wonderful and lovely is not good at many things (back massage, knowing when not to talk to me, knowing how to deal with me when I am in pain, getting something done quickly, etc etc) and I think a doula will be a good support system. But dang, the doula fee here in NYC is expensive!!!!!!! And we're on one modest income and one beyond modest part time income since I'm in school so that fee is going to smack us in the face. Not to mention we're already paying some out of pocket to our MW before they've even filed the claim....a billing practice I'm not happy with but I like this MW so I'm just sucking it up.

We also plan to take a Bradley class in a few months so I think it will be really good for both of us and especially DH because he has zero idea about the stages of labor. We can't make it to the current schedule this one teacher has but she said she is trying to open up to new days so I'm crossing my fingers. Ina May's GTC is one of her required readings so I already like her vibe.

AND, yay, I am going to hear Ina May speak on Sunday! There's a screening of the movie Freedom for Birth (out in the burbs, so I'll have to take the train but I think it'll be worth it) and Ina May wlll be there to do a Q&A after! I'm pretty psyched.

Only get a doula if you think you need one. Is your husband/partner helpful enough that you feel confident not having one? You did already labor once and naturally too so you sort of know what to expect. Have you found a Hb MW yet? Ask her input.

As far as telling the parents about HB, oof. Luckily for me my mother is already broken in by my sis who's had multiple HB's. So she doesn't even really care. She trusts that we make good decisions for ourselves. My MIL on the other hand is very much not that way. We told her last weekend we're expecting and she said "now I have to worry". "Worry? why would you worry?" She said its something her mother always said so she feels like she needs to say it too (read: none of that makes sense) but DH and I aked her to please not worry and that we want no stress and only good energy. She obliged and said "ok, only good vibes" and we said, yes, thank you.

Keep in mind I am dreading any Hb conversation that comes up with my MIL. She works in a hospital as a social worker and has worked with peds for over 20 years. She sees the worst of the worst.

MIL "Did you find a doctor yet?"

Me "I'm using a midwife"

MIL stops in her tracks 'PLEASE whatever you do just promise me you will find a doctor. The midwife is very good for the delivery but she isnt as good with all the medical stuff like a Dr is. I can't help but think of our friend who used a midwife and had uteran collapse and she had to go to the hospital for surgery"

Me "this happened during her labor???"

MIL "no, a few weeks after'

Me "oh.....ok...so how did the midwife detect it? I mean how did anyone know something was wrong?"

MIL "because she was very uncomfortable! her insides were falling out!"

MIL didnt give me any really reason why this had anything to do with the midwife and didnt give me any important details but I told her that I DO have an obgyn who I even saw at 6 weeks for a little scare I had (which turned out to be nothing to worry about and I only went to her because I didn't have a MW hired yet) and this made MIL feel much better. I told her that while I do have an obgyn though I am not planning on making regular visits to just "look for things" and would only go if there was a real need.

The topic of HB never came up after that and I can almost be sure that my MIL is thinking in her head that naturally this OB works hand in hand with the MW and that I'll be in a hospital. But HB never came up and I am leaving it that way. My SIL, her daughter, however did ask with a smile on her face "are you having it at home?" She knows that my sis had HB's and I just smiled back "i dunno, maybe :)"

nStewart- you are right though, it is not a decision anyone should have to defend and if anyone gives me sh*t for it I will tell them it's not up for discussion.

[Lynann]

My mum was born at home, so she has been very understanding of our stance on home birth. My MIL on the other hand is very trusting of doctors and I was the first person she ever encountered that spoke about home birth. For DS1 she fussed and asked lots of "stupid, what if" questions. When we went for the HBAC with DS2 we took a lot more time to explain the research to her as she thought "once a c-section always a c-section." When the HBAC went really smoothly she stopped questioning us. This time she has pretty much come to terms with us home birthing, but DH doesn't want her to know we are doing it as a freebirth this time. He doesn't even plan on her finding out after it is all over. My mum knows and while she would prefer us to have a midwife she acknowledges that it is our decision, and I'm the one who has to actually birth the baby so she is being supportive.

[Loogiejane]

nStewart, curious how you decided to turn to HB since you had a natural delivery in the hospital. What was it about your experience that made you not want to return?
 

[Loogiejane]

I know nothing about freebirth. It's unassisted right? Do you find you have to be that much more educated since you don't have a professional MW there? Do you have medical equipment like oxygen or pitocen if you need it in case not all of the placenta delivers? What is the motivation to not have a MW?

[amlikam]

Ugh, I am trying to hard to hold this intention of a beautiful homebirth with midwives. Several things are plaguing my mind, including a history of preterm labor (which I am trying so hard to re-write and trust my body to go full term)...

This is the thought what if I go preterm and I spent all that $$ on a midwife and have to have a hospital birth, that is a heck of an expensive doula. ugh

But really I want to believe I am capable of a full term pregnancy.

Then comes the questions of which midwife, as I am friends with several in my community (near and far) ... and wonder which will be the best fit, though I have an inclination the one closest to me would be ideal. I had a lovely conversation with her today and feel good but will meet with one other (who is over an hour away) on Friday. She is an amazing woman I love dearly, but wonder if I really want to drive an hour+ to prenatals.

[Loogiejane]

Driving an hour plus for appointments is def a commitment. Luckily my MW comes to my apartment. I read a complaint about her on an thread on MDC though that the poster had issues with her saying she'd do home appointments and didnt always so I hope that doesnt happen with my experience.
 

[Loogiejane]

amlikam- no good birth center up in the berkshires?

[Lynann]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

I know nothing about freebirth. It's unassisted right? Do you find you have to be that much more educated since you don't have a professional MW there? Do you have medical equipment like oxygen or pitocen if you need it in case not all of the placenta delivers? What is the motivation to not have a MW?

Yes, freebirth is doing it unassisted. I think freebirth just sounds so much more positive. My bff has had her last 3 babies completely by herself (she has 6 right now), and one of DH's friends has helped his wife freebirth for their last 2 babies (they also have 6), so it has been on our radar for quite a while.

I really love the CNM we had for our last birth (a HBAC) and would have used her again this time. However we moved further south when DS2 was 2 months old, so we knew we were out of the geographical area she covers. We had hoped she would make an exception for us, as we'd be doing most of the traveling with the prenatal appointments. What we didn't know was that she had moved further north, putting her even further away from us. As I only had 3 hours of active labor last time she wasn't comfortable with being over 2 hours away as she thinks this birth will be even quicker. She did give us a couple of recommendations. One was a CNM about an hour south of us, and we emailed her but she never got back to us (still hasn't) and the 2nd one works through a birth center, but Florida law won't let me use a birth center because I've had a previous c-section. The fee for the 2nd midwife was the same regardless of home or birth center, and since I'm not allowed to use the birth center I wouldn't pay an extra $1000 to subsidize a facility I can't use. (Around here home birth are usually $4000-$4500, the birth center midwife charges $5,600, and we know our insurance will pay for less than half of the fee.)

DH agreed with me that an OB and hospital birth is not an option for us, as we live in a VBAC black hole and if I go near a hospital its an automatic RCS. I will not have major abdominal surgery for no medical reason (& previous c-section is NOT a medical reason.)

So we talked about doing it ourselves. I'm very research oriented anyway, so I'm enjoying researching information about freebirthing. It simply comes down to believing that my body is made to birth babies, and that when left undisturbed it will do so. I'm a very modest and private person by nature, and last time having the midwife and her assistant there at the birth I stayed fully clothed in a long loose dress the whole time, even when pushing the baby out. With just my husband around I feel that I will be more comfortable to do whatever my instincts tell me, and more comfortable with wearing less clothing too. We're also considering a water birth this time, something I'd never have been comfortable doing with other people around to see me semi naked.

 I am also doing my own prenatal care. I focus on maintaining good health (high protein diet & moderate exercise) and occasionally monitoring my blood pressure and weight.

If at any point we feel that something isn't right then we'll get medical help IF we think it is needed, but right now I don't see us needing it.

I am aware that freebirthing isn't for everyone. Its a very personal choice, and I'd certainly not have felt as comfortable with it if I didn't already have experience of birthing my babies.

[adventuregirl]

n, sorry you had that stress with your mom. Its a hard thing when you don't want to lie but know that the truth can be disastrous.

I am not hiring a doula. I will have 2 midwives at the birth, plus DH and DD, so I think I'll have plenty of support and I just wouldn't want anymore people there anyhow. My last birth was the same, 2 midwives and (ex)DH, and I mainly only interacted with DH until it was time to push.

LJ - interesting that your mw requires a doula, probably makes her job easier.

I had my 2nd appt today and caved on the doppler and heard the hb! I just really wanted that firm confirmation and it made me really happy. I will wait for the fetoscope for the next, but I have been really nervous lately after some bleeding and it just put my mind at ease. I feel like I am finally there now... in the 2nd trimester and know for sure my baby's heart is beating, and I am finally ok with telling people about my pregnancy, aaahhhhh.... Now I can focus on making sure I am eating well and maybe do some preparations for having a baby!

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

nStewart, curious how you decided to turn to HB since you had a natural delivery in the hospital. What was it about your experience that made you not want to return?
 

I actually had a great hospital experience the first time, so I was undecided about HB when I became pregnant this time.  Part of my reasoning of considering HB this time was because my experience was a great one, I felt that the stars would not align that way again at the hospital!  For example: I got the only birthing room at the hospital with a tub, where I spent almost 2 hours of my 5.5hr active labor.  I got an awesome nurse who was really supportive and who was friends with my doula.  She stayed over the end of her shift so she could be there when DS was born.  I got the nicest doctor, the one I felt most comfortable with, from my low risk maternity clinic (total fluke, you just get whoever is on call that day).  When I had to stay over 2 nights, they gave me a private room at the last minute, so no rooming with someone else (there are not enough private rooms to go around, it is all chance).  So at the start of my journey it was really about not wanting to compare births, and to have another good experience.

The more I read and learn the more I feel like I can have an even better experience at home than I did at the hospital.  I wouldn't risk sitting in triage for 2 hours in active labour, I wouldn't have the on-call OB come into my room by mistake and stay and chat with my doula for 5 mins while I lay there naked, etc. etc.  And learning about sphincter law and the like I am sure I can have a faster, better, delivery.  Plus I think I just love the thought of bringing my baby into the world at home and being able to chose who is there to share in that with me and to visit afterwards and when (hospitals here have a strict rule about only 2 birth attendants in the birthing suite, and that only grandparents, the father (or other parent) of the newborn, and the newborn's siblings can come to the hospital.  This is a good policy over-all, as it gives mom time to recover, but my sister couldn't come see me at the hosptial, for example.  I was leaning towards NOT having DS at the birth, and am more on the fence now, but however I end up deciding at least at home I have the choice.

Anyway, I guess I have a bunch  of reasons, none of them a "deal breaker" like I had to do a HB, it just seems right all things considered.  And it wasn't at all due to a bad past experience at the hospital.

Sheryl, I'm so glad you heard the HB and that you are able to just enjoy the excitment now!  Great news!