Anybody here planning a homebirth? - Page 5 « Back to Group Discussions

[aHikaru]

we will be moving soon and instead of being 5-10 minutes away from the hospital, we will be 20-30, which worries me because the car ride was the worst part of labor, I felt like a caged animal... i often think of home birth because DD came within 6 hrs of active labor and it was easier than I had expected and I want to be prepared for all possibilities...I did seriously consider homebirth with DD, but didn't want to get too attached to our rental apartment, at the time, but now with this move, we will be moving into a place we may spend the next couple years, so attachment to the home is no longer an issue...

should I speak to a homebirth midwife just in case?

has anyone done regular check ups with an OB and then had a midwife home birth?

[Loogiejane]

my homebirth MW does all the prenatal care. What do you mean by check ups? like ultrasounds?
 

[aHikaru]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

my homebirth MW does all the prenatal care. What do you mean by check ups? like ultrasounds?
 

ive heard of women having an OB during regular checkups and having a midwife home birth, to defer costs. 

[Loogiejane]

Interesting, I didn't know that existed.

I think for me personally I'd want the appointments as a way of getting to the know the midwife since she will be in my home for the delivery and taking part in such a personal experience. I also like that I get a full hour for each appointment with my MW whereas in a busy OBs office I would get less than half that.
 

[SteeleTig]

Loogiejane, my best friend is a midwife here in NYC (not sure if I mentioned that in my previous comments), she said Cara requires group prenatals where you and a bunch of other women/parents all come to her place and have your prenatal meeting/exam together. That is one of the reasons she didn't choose Cara to deliver with and the reason I went with Miriam. 

I'm not having a doula per se but my best friend will be there.

[Loogiejane]

Oh interesting. I have my second home appointment with Cara this month and she hasn't mentioned group appointments. Hope she doesn't spring that on me. It was pretty straightforward from the onset that my appointments would be in my home. Like, the day of the week she comes to me is her "brooklyn day".

I wonder if I should ask her about it but not sure if that would be awkward or not so be all, "so a little birdie told me xyz".

But you used the word "requires" so that sounds pretty set in stone. If it comes up I think I'd just say no, that wasn't discussed, I'm not coming for a group visit :P
 

[Virginia884]

We had a doula last time, and will this time, too. Last time, labor started at 10pm, doula came at 2am, DH got to sleep a bit, she helped me and helped him help me (hope that makes sense). Midwives didn't come until 8am, DD was born at noon. Our midwife is very hands off and I don't remember her doing a whole lot while I labored. I remember DH and our doula massaging my back and talking me through contractions. The student midwife who came monitored baby's heart rate with a Doppler, that I remember. After experiencing how great the doula was the first time, there is no way we would NOT use a doula. Had to find a different one, though, as our old doula is also pregnant :)

[Loogiejane]

Curious, when you tell someone you're having a homebirth and they look at you like you have a third eye, do you go on to explain why you're choosing it or do you just smile and nod? I often find it to be a little awkward when it comes up, the person looks like a deer in headlights and then I dont know if I should carry the conversation.

It's nothing that vexes or concerns me, just encountered it tonight and curious how others handle themselves.

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Curious, when you tell someone you're having a homebirth and they look at you like you have a third eye, do you go on to explain why you're choosing it or do you just smile and nod? I often find it to be a little awkward when it comes up, the person looks like a deer in headlights and then I dont know if I should carry the conversation.

It's nothing that vexes or concerns me, just encountered it tonight and curious how others handle themselves.

 I had this experience yesterday at lunch with some female coworkers (all moms themselves).  I started to explain about "better outcomes" etc. but I didn't want to appear to be thinking of myself as "superior" or whatever, so I just sort of stopped.  It'll either be a smile and nod, or an explanation, depending on the audiance for me.  Someone I am close to, I would want to explain.  Anyone else, unless they seem interested, I'll just grin and nod.

It doesn't vex me either, just drives me crazy how ignorant people are by thinking that homebirth is automatically dangerous, and hospital birth is automatically safer without having any actual knowledge on the matter, kwim?  I am in no place to judge though, because prior to my pregnancy with DS and even more so this pregnancy I would have thought the same thing, having never heard otherwise from anyone.

Had an appointment with my MW this morning, and got some more information on all what is in the birth kit.  The only thing they don't carry is nitrous (I didn't ask, but she told me they wanted to carry it but it's too volitile to have rolling around in the car).  So, they have pitocin, oxygen, IV equipment, antibiotics, etc. etc.  So, HB 100% for sure now, unless we are ruled out due to complications arising in the future.  She also gave me the names of a couple doulas to contact who live close to us, so that's great too.  She said she's happy to be hands on during labour, but depending on how fast it is going sometimes all she has time for is to get stuff set up for the actual birth when she arrives.  So, given that DS was already "quick" by first labor standards, I think a doula would be good to have for support.

[Loogiejane]

Wait.....nitrous?? Some MW's come with nitrous? That's not be sounding excited...that's me sounding surprised. Nitrous to just like, relax you?
 

[MarieWalter]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Wait.....nitrous?? Some MW's come with nitrous? That's not be sounding excited...that's me sounding surprised. Nitrous to just like, relax you?
 

LOL you definitely sound excited ;)

Some reading, if you like: http://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=1129

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2010/12/14/callcomeback-many-faces-nitrous-oxide-labor-pain-relief

http://www.theunnecesarean.com/blog/2011/1/5/nitrous-oxide-for-laboring-women-in-the-united-states.html

[Loogiejane]

haha i know, i am actually laughing now reading my response. I did sound excited lol. Thanks for the links. Will def check them out.

For the record, while I do acknowledge it is soooo bad for one's brain cells, I do enjoy nitrous if the dentist will ever give it to me. Is that bad? So rare nowadays though as I think it's pretty frowned upon in the dental community. But man, I got some a few years ago for getting a tooth pulled and it was beyond ridiculous. I think the Dr. gave me too much and I was snorting, crying and laughing all at the same time. Ha.
 

[Loogiejane]

nstewart....i find that sometimes people just dont want to hear it ya know? like i'll start to give reasons and people's eyes just glaze over. All this one girl said to me last night when she heard "I was planning a HB was, "So no epidural?". Not like I WANT to go through the pain but hello people, you think i'm getting an epidural at home!? People just don;t know, really.

I find that people's immediate assumption why someones chooses a HB is that they want a flowery, peaceful, beautiful birth with the birds chirping and peace signs hanging from the walls when really they have no idea how layered the decision is. I just really don't think people realize how much there is to it. And I find that when I get questioned about it, the person doesn't really care that much and so I need to figure out my short and simple answer that gets even a fraction of my point across.

Maybe if I just say, "All the NYC hospitals have a 24-30% C/S rate and I don't want to risk that" it would be enough. But even then, when I tell people how high the rate is, I honestly believe most people don't know why or don't think that number is alarming. <Sigh>

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

haha i know, i am actually laughing now reading my response. I did sound excited lol. Thanks for the links. Will def check them out.

Haha, that's ok.  Nitrous is pretty sweet.  I had a few whiffs at the start of the pushings stage with DS just to relax, and it was just like having had a big glass of red wine.  lol.  Interestingly, my MW thought nitrous was a really valuable tool and had checked into carrying it in her HB kit, but oculd not because as I said it's not safe to transport in your car.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Maybe if I just say, "All the NYC hospitals have a 24-30% C/S rate and I don't want to risk that" it would be enough. But even then, when I tell people how high the rate is, I honestly believe most people don't know why or don't think that number is alarming. <Sigh>

 Yes, most people don't know, and even a lot of pregnant women don't care to educate themselves.  They just want to show up and do what their doctor tells them.  You'll find this shocking.  I read "Birth Matters" and the rate at some hospitals in Brazil is in the 70-75% range!

[adventuregirl]

Jane, I totally get ya, people don't always want to understand why, they just have their opinion and that's it. I've taken to not offering up the information, but will gladly tell if asked. But I hate, hate when people come back with "oh, if I'd have done that, my baby would have died" the ignorance of those comments infuriate me, so I will say something about how high risk and emergencies are transferred, that hb midwives are extremely knowledgeable about when things cannot be handled at home. I tend to get defensive at times because people have this attitude that hb is unsafe. Although I do like when people look at me with admiration and say how tough I must be (that only happened after I did it successfully tho). Hee-hee. I figure the more people are exposed to it, the more normal it can become in our nutty culture.

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by adventuregirl 

Jane, I totally get ya, people don't always want to understand why, they just have their opinion and that's it. I've taken to not offering up the information, but will gladly tell if asked. But I hate, hate when people come back with "oh, if I'd have done that, my baby would have died" the ignorance of those comments infuriate me, so I will say something about how high risk and emergencies are transferred, that hb midwives are extremely knowledgeable about when things cannot be handled at home. I tend to get defensive at times because people have this attitude that hb is unsafe. Although I do like when people look at me with admiration and say how tough I must be (that only happened after I did it successfully tho). Hee-hee. I figure the more people are exposed to it, the more normal it can become in our nutty culture.

 Sheryl, this exactly.  Not only do high risk and emergencies get transferred, but also on the "slippery slope" of interventions perhaps you wouldn't have been put at risk in the first place if you'd had a HB, kwim?  Like, you maybe needed a vacuum because your doctor augmented your labor because you were on the clock, then you had an epidural because the contractions were so bad, then you couldn't push, so then they needed the vacuum.

Anyway, I don't want to judge those who make a different choice because I don't want to be judged for my choices.  I just find being judged by someone who has is totally ignorant to what qualifications midwives have, and the tools they have, and the safety of homebirth, and the fact that often outcomes are better at home or in a birth centre to be infuriating.  Some people should have a hospital birth, but it isn't safer or better for everyone.

[Loogiejane]

Or how about this.....

My younger SIL (DH's little sis....who btw I adore) talking about my older SIL (DH's big sis) saying how she supports my decision and she's sure i'm informed but, "obviously you know way more than I do about HB, etc etc, but of course I can't get out of my head when Dsis had DD in the hospital and 12 doctors RUSHED in because DD wasn't breathing, and it was so traumatic etc etc'" to which I kindly responded, "yup, well...a baby not breathing is very typical....your Dsis told me how that all went down and the HB midwife would have done with same thing...she comes with oxygen" to which SIL responds she didnt know that. She goes on to say, "well, also how Dsis needed pitocin to get her contractions going, you know that kind of thing." To which I respond with a polite deep breathe, pause, and "Well she actually didnt *need* the pitocen....they gave it to her to speed up her labor because she was taking too long which hospitals dont like" SIL's reaction was just kinda, "well whatever, you get the point." Then in my head, "grrrrr let's talk about something else."
 

And low and behold guess what?? I get to have T-day with DH's ENTIRE family tomorrow! Including his 70 yr old pediatrician Uncle who claims that breast is best (oh, Uncle, so glad to hear you say that!) but  that nursing past 12 months is "for selfish attachment purposes of the mother." Say whaaaaat!?!?

[Lynann]

These days I share as little information as possible unless someone is genuinely interested in learning about it. With DS1 I got lots of comments from DH's side of the family about "what if" as none of them understand home birth. My mum was born at home in 1950 (If you saw the PBS show "Call the Midwife", my mum was born in South London rather than East London, but the same idea.) so it wasn't so novel for my side of the family. Then when people found out we were planning a home birth after cesarean with DS2 I can't count how many times I was "told" I would just end up transferred again with another c-section so I might as well schedule it. After DS2 was born very easily AT HOME, nobody said anything. This time they're all very quite about it. (But we're also not telling anyone that we're freebirthing either, as it is information they really don't need to know and I don't want to listen to any negativity from fear mongers.)

[SplashingPuddle]

I am planning on a home birth.  My daughter was born in our bedroom.  Luckily, we only have a midwife in our community and 1/2 of births are home births. So everyone knows someone whose had one and its very normal. I don't think I've had one response that seemed unsupportive.  What I'm unsure of this time though is whether to include my daughter who will be 3.  When I think back to my last birth, there is no way I could imagine a child present.  Are others planning on have siblings present at your home birth?   

[aHikaru]

I'm scheduled to talk to a midwife group that does homebirth next week and am in contact with an OB that does home birth, I'm very excited.

I was wondering if any of you that have had home births needed the assistance of an episiotomy or if you tore, and what was your experience with that?