Having a really hard time with friends/family deciding to circ their sons.....

[Taryn237]

I'm pretty sure both my two sisters in law and one of my best friends who are having boys will be circumsizing.  I am having a really hard time with this.  My one sister in law said she has friends who did not circumsize their sons and regret it so they probably will.  I was so shocked by that comment that I couldn't even come up with a reply.  My other sister in law will probably circumsize so their son will 'look like daddy' and they honestly aren't very educated about things like this.  I think if I gave her articles to read she would take them and throw them away.  I printed a bunch of things for my friend a few weeks ago and gave them to her but she hasn't mentioned it and I'm scared to ask. 

I wish they were all having girls :(  I've come to a peaceful place with the fact that my husband was circ'd as a baby but with all three of them having boys its just making me pissed off that my mother in law did that to him again.  :(

I just needed to vent somewhere.  Thanks for listening.

[mama24-7]

I know how hard it is, unfortunately.  My SIL circ'd her twins three years ago.  It has made me an even bigger intactivist.  And, she'd be mortified, but I've made donations in memory of what was taken from them for when they were born & a holiday & birthday or two.  Perhaps you could ask them how they would feel if they were having daughters; would they circ them?  Why don't the boys deserve their whole bodies.

And for the "look like daddy" excuse, here's an article about why fathers want it; maybe share it w/ her?  http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html

I feel for you.  I've gotten to the point where I don't want to know when these babies have been born so I won't know when they will be violated.  So, so, unfair for them.

Sus

[crayfishgirl]

I hear you on this.  When my brother and SIL found out they were having a boy I casually asked about it, and they were indifferent about it and asked for info (along with other info on diapers and stuff).  I sent them a list of why its a horrible practice and scientifically unfounded (but in a very concise and objective way), along with a number of links to some less "radical" websites.  It never came up again and I asked my mom about it and apparently they had him circ'd despite all of that.  I nearly cried, and was consumed by it for several days.  Its inconceivable to me that you would proceed knowing everything about it that I told them.  There are four boys between my sister, brother, and me, and my son is the only one who remains intact.  So sad.

[philomom]

Honestly, there's not much you can do. Say your peace and back off. Just don't be around for any diaper changes the first few weeks... they look terrible! One of my nephews sent up a piercing cry EVERY time he wet himself for a month after his circ. So sad.

[Night_Nurse]

I know exactly what you are feeling as I've had both family and friends circ despite having long talks with me and receiving printed info. However, all you can do is try. Please don't be afraid to share video links, send an email or pamphlet, or anything to try to plant a seed. The info may fall on deaf ears but I think it's best to at least give them the info. Let them know how easy intact care is, that many boys are now left intact in the US and if you have an intact son, let them know why you chose that decision. I like to share the "regret" link here on Mothering. Remind them they can always circ later if they change their mind but once the foreskin is removed, it can not be put back on. 

[ajlinder89]

Originally Posted by crayfishgirl 

I hear you on this.  When my brother and SIL found out they were having a boy I casually asked about it, and they were indifferent about it and asked for info (along with other info on diapers and stuff).  I sent them a list of why its a horrible practice and scientifically unfounded (but in a very concise and objective way), along with a number of links to some less "radical" websites.  It never came up again and I asked my mom about it and apparently they had him circ'd despite all of that.  I nearly cried, and was consumed by it for several days.  Its inconceivable to me that you would proceed knowing everything about it that I told them.  There are four boys between my sister, brother, and me, and my son is the only one who remains intact.  So sad.

This was my best friend and her husband. And get this, his reason for circ'ing was just "my son can't have better sex than me." I was pissed and cried for days. And she just pulled the "well I don't have a penis so it's his (as in her husband's) choice" Their baby was born on Monday and I still don't know if I can be around her/them yet. I don't want to see it, I know what newly circ'd penis' look like- it's not pretty. 

[philomom]

Originally Posted by ajlinder89 

This was my best friend and her husband. And get this, his reason for circ'ing was just "my son can't have better sex than me." I was pissed and cried for days. And she just pulled the "well I don't have a penis so it's his (as in her husband's) choice" Their baby was born on Monday and I still don't know if I can be around her/them yet. I don't want to see it, I know what newly circ'd penis' look like- it's not pretty. 

OMG. He admits that intact men may have better sex lives and he wants to make sure his son doesn't see any of that action? How horrendous!


http://www.drmomma.org/2009/10/how-male-circumcision-impacts-your-love.html

http://sexasnatureintendedit.com/

http://www.healthcentral.com/drdean/408/8812.html

[mama24-7]

Originally Posted by ajlinder89 

This was my best friend and her husband. And get this, his reason for circ'ing was just "my son can't have better sex than me." I was pissed and cried for days. And she just pulled the "well I don't have a penis so it's his (as in her husband's) choice" Their baby was born on Monday and I still don't know if I can be around her/them yet. I don't want to see it, I know what newly circ'd penis' look like- it's not pretty. 

What an utterly sick way to start out a relationship w/ someone.  I thought parents wanted better for their children than they'd had.  Sick.  Just sick.

Sus

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by ajlinder89 

This was my best friend and her husband. And get this, his reason for circ'ing was just "my son can't have better sex than me." I was pissed and cried for days. And she just pulled the "well I don't have a penis so it's his (as in her husband's) choice" Their baby was born on Monday and I still don't know if I can be around her/them yet. I don't want to see it, I know what newly circ'd penis' look like- it's not pretty. 

This is one of the sickest things I've ever heard a parent say. This, imo, is flat out child abuse.

[ajlinder89]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

This is one of the sickest things I've ever heard a parent say. This, imo, is flat out child abuse.

I agree. He laughed and I was like seriously, NOT funny.

[emma1325]

I had a friend who I tried to reach out to.  I really put myself out there - got a little emotional over the whole issue when explaining it - and she still decided to circumcise.  :(

Then, after the fact, she expressed concern that the circ wasn't "done right" because there was more skin left on one side.  Poor baby. 

What can you do?  You can only lead a horse to water.
 

[dearrose]

have you tried sending a video. maybe they will watch that. this one is really good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZSM-SkwGEf0

or maybe something with pictures? http://www.drmomma.org/2011/08/intact-or-circumcised-significant.html

[pennnyforum]

I thought I'd convinced a friend at work not to circumcise when she told me she was having a boy. She listened to my argument and later after looking up the web links I passed on, said she definitely wouldn't be doing it.

A couple of weeks after the birth I went round with a present. I stayed a while and saw her bath him and was dismayed to notice he was clearly circumcised. She probably saw my jaw drop! Later, she must have felt guilty and mentioned that  she'd given in to family pressure from both sides and her DH who is cut.

Both sides of relatives are of the 'no foreskins in our family' attitude, culminating in her MIL saying; "Don't expect me to change him until he's been circumcised!"

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I have removed a couple of posts.  I want to remind everyone of the forum guidlines:

This is not a space to bash others. In an effort to minimize language which might alienate those seeking information, we are cautious about using pejorative terms such as abuse, barbarism, mutilation, etc. when routinely discussing circumcision. Let the facts speak for themselves.
 

[Mitchell756]

Genital alterations are inflicted upon others on the basis that the effects of them will be permanent. This is a reason that goes beyond parents that are uninformed and into the realm of being able to inflict their particular genital preferences upon those that are defenceless. It is difficult to determine how many parents are uninformed andare attempting to make the right choice for their children and those that want to control them in some other way. Regardless of the intention behind it the result to the individual that undergoes this is the same. Also, regardless of intention these acts are carried out on the belief that they will be permanent. This means that the best way to eliminate circumcision and other forms of genital alteration is to develop the capabilities to completely undo the physical consequences of these actions. The field of regenerative medicine is advancing quickly, likely to the point at which humans will be able to regrow any part of the body in the next twenty years. The capabilities to regrow parts of the genitals affected by genital alteration prrocedures will likely become available within five years. Once this technology is made available to those that have had something like this done to them, whether it is a girl suffering from severe alterations in somalia, a newborn boy having the most sensitive and important part of his penis amputated in the united states, or a three month old girl having her clitoral hood removed in Malaysia, the incentive to perform these procedures are effectively eliminated, because they will no longer affect that individual throughout their life. Clearly, if we develop and deploy this technology the re are two major benefits; the capability to restore the normal form , functions and sensitivity of the genitals, which will also undo the psychological effects of being incapable of experiencng proper sexual interaction in relationships and we eliminate the incentive to do this in the first place because the effects are no longer permanent, so the power that some (some) individuals receive from doing this is eliminated.

We are headed to a bright furture where circumcision and other forms of forced genital alterations are non existent and it will be science that takes us there.