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Feeling frustrated about finding an OB

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

Hi all,


I am nine weeks pregnant with twins, and am happy to have found this forum. I am feeling a little frustrated about my OB options, and wanted to vent/solicit any advice you all might have.


I had a very simple, all natural hospital birth with my DD, and had been planning a homebirth for this baby. The hospital in our town (which is not the same town in which I birthed DD, so I don't know many providers yet) has a reputation for being very unfriendly to natural childbirth. I honestly had not even considered the hospital as an option for this pregnancy, so I'm doing a lot of recalibration.


We visited the OB practice our fertility specialist recommended, and I liked them and most of their answers to my questions, but although they are only four doctors, they share call with eight other docs, so I'm likely to get a stranger at my birth. This seems scary to me, and seems like it would make it hard to advocate for the birth that I want.


We visited another practice that's just two doctors (and no one else on call). While I liked the intimacy of that practice, some of their answers started sending up red flags- they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks under an circumstances, unless both babies are head-down they insist both on an epidural and on delivery in the OR, etc. The doctor also used the words "fetal demise" at least three times in our 30 minute conversation, which felt alarmist and unnecessary to me.


Yesterday, we tried to go visit another doctor who's one town over, who has a reputation for being very supportive of natural birth and midwifery care. (This is kind of big deal around here since midwives don't even have privileges in our hospital.) We were a little on the fence before we got there because the hospital he delivers in doesn't have a NICU, but we figured it was worth a conversation. We got there (a 40 minute drive from our town, for which DP and I both took off work), and were told that because I hadn't filled out the online health history, the doctor wouldn't meet with us. I explained that no one had told me about the online health history, and asked if we could at least have our consult since we'd come so far. The nurse asked the doctor, but he refused to see us. I realize that we could make another appointment, try to find another morning we could both take off, and go back, but I just got left with a bad feeling in my stomach about the whole thing. Like, if you're going to be this inflexible about a paperwork issue, what's going to happen when I'm actually having the babies?


So now we're at an impasse. There are two practices that are in a larger city 45 minutes from us that my doula friend has recommended. Perhaps once I catch my breath and recover from this week of visits, I'll start making appointments with them. But I feel nervous about a drive to the hospital that would be 45 minutes WITHOUT traffic, potentially an hour and a half at the wrong time of day.


I think mainly I'm just feeling a little sad about my birth being so different from what I pictured, and also feeling guilty about feeling sad when I should just be feeling grateful to have two healthy heartbeats inside of me right now. (And, I am so incredibly grateful for that.)


Anyway, I'd love to hear thoughts or insights, success stories of births that went well, reminders that even a c-section isn't the end of the world, etc. In any case, I'm excited to be joining you guys, and look forward to learning from you as we get ready to expand our family!

post #2 of 8

I too was planning a homebirth when we found out that it was twins.  My compromise... I am seen (and being delivered by) a midwifery group at a smaller baby friendly hospital.  I am comanaged and monitored by a MFM who delivers at the big NICU hospital.  I am lucky to have made it to 34 weeks so far so I can now be delivered for sure by the midwives but this was a good compromise because should I have had preterm labor, complications, etc I had a back up plan.  Maybe you can find something similar where you live?

post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 

Thanks, Jodi, that sounds like a good situation. I will investigate the options more next week. I just feel worn out by it all already! My pregnancy and birth with DD was so easy. This is already feeling like a battle.:/

post #4 of 8

Pause for a deep breath.  And let yourself mourn the birth you had wanted and won't have. It's okay.


I did a lot of negotiating to get the birth I had: in the hospital OR, induced, with an OB, none of which I wanted, but an unmedicated vaginal birth, which made me very happy.


Talk to various providers, and trust your gut.  And remember to count your blessings and to give yourself some slack. You're doing something hard.

post #5 of 8

Hi, A!


I can't offer you any particular solace on the loss of your natural birth options, since I'm not a true believer that way. What I can say is that you are starting on a great adventure, and I wish you all the best.  Assuming everything goes well (and with good medical care, that's pretty likely!) you are going to have a unique family situation that will be thrilling, frustrating, exciting, sleepless, bewildering, and generally awesome.   And as the dad of twins, let me be the first (or one of the first?) to reassure that it will get easier over time.  The first few weeks after birth will be a total shock, especially when both babies decide to start screaming at the same time!  But there are also those moments when both will be giggling at the same time, and that makes it all worth it.


While i've never had a c-section myself, I've known enough c-section moms to be willing to say "It's not the end of the world".  I'm sure there are a few of them on this forum who can chime in.  My twins wouldn't be here but for the procedure, so both my partner and I are pretty grateful for the option.


Good luck!

post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 

rinap, thanks for sharing your story, and for your understanding words. I think the whole trusting one's gut thing is so important. I'm going to go interview a few more practices next week.


sympathetic dad, thanks for the welcome to the twins club. We are very excited, and are lucky enough to have a large support system that includes quite a few twin and triplet families, so we have some great resources upon which to draw. I am, of course, grateful that medical technologies like c-sections exist, and I recognize their importance in ensuring that babies make healthy entries into the world. I am, however (like many people on this board), a huge proponent of natural childbirth, so while my frustrations about my changing birth plans in no way diminish my joy and excitement about our twins, I do think that it's reasonable to want to find a provider who supports my desire for a vaginal birth, if at all possible. If my babies need to be delivered via section, then so be it. If, however, a vaginal birth is possible, I want a provider who has experience in and a commitment to making it happen.


Looking forward to hearing other people's birth stories. Thanks, all, for the welcome.

post #7 of 8

I come from a different background, being that in Manitoba we don't have a choice of OBs. We have 4 OB/GYNs available for all pregnancy, post partum and 'womanly' care within a 90min radius of the nearest city. That's it. 4. So - if you don't like one of those four you are forced to go to the next city - (which is 3hrs away) or birth unattended.  We have 3 midwives for the same area and they are so regulated that the moment they find out its twins, they have to transfer care.


THAT being said - I am one of the Mums who came from having a private midwife with homebirths in Alberta, to being monitored by an OB and having a c-section because my Baby A was transverse, then breech, then transverse.  Even still - through the entire pregnancy I was able to get the OB that I saw the majority of the time to agree that if the presenting baby was head down, she would agree to attending a vaginal birth, with the caveat that it occurred in the OR. She didn't care if it was the original Baby A or if Baby A moved his arse out of the way so Baby B could drop down (since he was vertex).


As it turned out, the day before they were born my last u/s revealed a baby B who had somehow - someway and through no known major moment of pain to me, flipped breech. Alongside his breech baby A brother, it seemed my hopes were dashing. Throw in the fact that Baby A decided to drop his foot in my cervix....we ended up with a section. At the moment of delivery, A was transverse using my cervix as a hammock and his foot tucked under his bum, toes pointed towards the proper exit.


So  I agree with a PP who said to follow your instincts! Go visit the other two OBs that your midwives have suggested, sit down with a pros/cons list so you can factor in that distance driving (we are 45min from our hospital too, with traffic its an hour being that its a 2lane highway the entire way). Once your lists are compiled you will likely have a better idea on who you feel more comfy with - and follow your gut. It never steers you wrong!


post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 

Just wanted to post an update to this. We found a great midwife in the next town over will deliver our twins in the hospital there. Not psyched about the 45 minute drive for appointments (or while in labor!), but we love our midwife, and feel great about our new plan. She is backed up by an OB who will also be at the birth, and the midwife trained for several years solely doing high-risk deliveries. She has delivered many twins, and as long as Baby A is head down, feels very confident about a vaginal birth. I really appreciated that she didn't pull out the scare tactics that some of the OBs we visited used (particularly since my twins are di/di), but still seemed very frank and competent.


Anyway, here's hoping things continue to go well!

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