First-time Mommy Fears: Need Reassurance (Not sure if I posted this in the right spot)

[MGokhale83]

Hi Everyone

I am a first-time, stay at home Mommy to a beautiful, healthy 9 month old baby girl. We practice attachment parenting, co sleeping, baby wearing, and living life as eco friendly as we can. I love being a mother but I can't stop worrying about my own death. First let me say I am very healthy and have been checked for post partum depression by my midwife. I don't know if my worrying is normal or if I should see a counselor. Randomly, every couple of days I will be having a great moment with my daughter and all of sudden I feel worry about how her life would be if something happened to me. Who would take care of her like I do? Would my husband continue raising her the way we do now? Who would hug her and kiss her if she were sad and lonely? And then inevitable I begin to cry and then thank God for my baby and pray we all stay safe. Of course, I feel like a wreck and so silly for worrying but I am so scared something will happen to me, or both me and my husband, and my daughter would be without us. I have a wonderful family, and realistically if something did happen they would care for her and she would be loved and raised well. I know the reality is she would be okay but emotionally I do panic and worry. Is this normal? I feel strange bringing it up to my friends who are mothers so I ask all of you wise women for help. I feel my worrying is stealing away some of the best moments I am having with my baby. Any advice or just words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Melissa

[MotheringBliss]

Sounds to me like that little babe has intensely connected you with essential survival instincts!  Welcome to the next level of bonding 

Try a Bach Flower essence (Mimulus for known fears I believe) should take the edge off.  If you still feel your anxiety interferes, there's probably a trigger from your past somewhere needing reconciled.  

Dreams, free writing, reflective dialogue, could give insights.  Welcome to MDC

[Learning_Mum]

No, it's not normal to have those kind of fears regularly. I would go see a doctor and discuss anxiety with him.

[pek64]

I worried a lot when my son was little because I was the only one raising him in an attachment way. It was a concern. Fortunately, I'm still alive and most likely you will get to raise your child, too. Small comfort right now, I know. Try to enjoy those moments you mentioned. Pray daily that you all remain well. That might help. Be open to meeting others who parent similarly. If you have real support, your fears may lessen. Good luck.

[pammysue]

First, welcome to MDC!

Your worry is normal. I was so suprised after my 1st son was born how much I suddenly worried about everything. What is concerning is you are having the same worry over and over to the point of crying. That is not normal.

You said your family would care for your daughter if something did happen. Have you talked to your family about it? Decide who you would like to take guardianship of your duaghter and would be her primary caretaker(s) then talk to them (make sure they are willing to accept the responsibility) and the rest of your family (as appropriate). Then make a will documenting your decision. You can make a simple fill-in-the-blanks will on legalzoom.com or if your life is more complicated, hire a lawyer. Your peace of mind is worth the cost. Hopefully, having a solid plan in place will help ease your fears.

Also, in that moment you need to change your thinking. When those thoughts come to mind tell yourself that your DD will be fine because... Remind yourself that most children grow up with both of their parents alive and well. The chances of you dying are very slim (assuming you are in good health). Then come up with a positive mantra or song you can meditate on and repeat to yourself until your fears pass. It could be something from your religion, something that means a lot to you or something you make up. The important thing is to change your negative thoughts to positive before the fears take hold of you.

If you have tired different things and your anxiety is not getting any better, you should talk to your midwife or a counslor.

[Natalya]

I don't know if it is healthy or not, but I know that I have felt similarly at times in my life with my children.  I am thankful for these thoughts and feelings because I feel that they enhance my experience with my children, I feel more poignantly alive and thankful for them.  I think you should listen to yourself and figure out if you feel these are healthy (though uncomfortable feelings), or something more you need to work through.  Enjoy that baby!!!
 

[yell]

Hey Melissa--

I just wanted to quickly add my 2 cents...I have the same exact feelings often but I have always had issues and thoughts like that growing up.  I have been off and on meds for a long time because my anxiety.  While I know that these thoughts and feelings are sort of baseline for me, if you have never experienced anxiety or things like that in the past, I would say it would be worth talking to someone about. 

Good luck!

[Kindermama]

I have the same thoughts too! If it's really interfering with your life, i think you should spend some time casting those concerns to God.

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by yell 

Hey Melissa--

I just wanted to quickly add my 2 cents...I have the same exact feelings often but I have always had issues and thoughts like that growing up.  I have been off and on meds for a long time because my anxiety.  While I know that these thoughts and feelings are sort of baseline for me, if you have never experienced anxiety or things like that in the past, I would say it would be worth talking to someone about. 

Good luck!

 I had/have alot of this, but I also have a history of anxiety problems.  A therapist could hep you work through it and give you tools to redirect your thoughts.  That being said, becoming a mom completely shakes up who you are, what you believe, your role in life - for me, those momentous changes always cause periods of anxiety.  

I agree that planning might help you feel more in control, but I also turned to prayer alot - prayers to keep us all safe, to trust in the universe/God, etc.  Prayers of thanksgiving.  And when nothing else works, I turn to the Serenity Prayer - "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  

Whatever you choose, consciously switch your thoughts back to the present moment, so that you don't miss it worrying about a future that might never happen (those kinds of worries actually put your body through some of the stress that you would actually experience, for no reason - some things are so awful, there just isn't a way to prepare for them, and we have to make peace with that).  You put yourself through so much pain imagining all these awful outcomes - it's just not healthy.  It's a hard habit to break (I swear, your body gets addicted to the cortisol rush) but you can do it.  Deep breaths, notice your worries arise, imagine letting them go (or giving them to God), and re-focus on your 5 senses in the now.

Hugs, and good luck!  

[avismama24]

Wow....did you steal this out of my brain?  I totally experienced this same thing right around the 7/8 month mark of my son, it was CRAZY intense and I did not have ppd. After a particularly bad string of days I did seek out my dr and counselor, and took anxiety medication for a very short period of time, and I NEVER take medication, not even tylenol, I"m that crunchy ;) But it was definitely the right thing for me to do. It took the edge off enough to allow me to process my crazy thoughts with my therapist. I am happy to report my son will be one in a few weeks and for the most part these feelings are gone, and I am able to be really present and enjoy my baby boy! Hang in there and good for you for posting!