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Mothering › Groups › October 2012 Due Date Club › Discussions › Almost my due date and my support has gone bonkers!

Almost my due date and my support has gone bonkers!

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

I'm now 10 days away from my due date and my mom who was supposed to come help after the homebirth has gone bonkers!  I'm a single mom by choice, so I have no partner to help care for myself, my baby, or my 3 year old son.  My midwife wants someone to be with my son, my baby, and I for atleast the first 24 hours after the birth. 


My mom has bipolar and she has apparently decided that this is the time that she's going to go completely manic.  She's been so stable for some many years that I thought I could depend on her to help out, but I was apparently very wrong.  She is so manic that she can't even hold a phone conversation for 30 seconds due to no attention span what so ever, and she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her.  I'm calling her doctor's office tomorrow morning to report her as being in danger because she needs help now, and she's not getting it.  She is so exhausting that I'd rather be without any help what so ever after the baby's born than have her here. I know I'm going to break her heart to when I say she can't come help too. 


Thanks for letting me vent as I'm one exhausted pregnant mom, and I'm really suprised that my mom has not put me into labor already with all the added stress she's added to my life for the past week. 


So what would you do for after birth help?  I'd just prefer for it to be my 3 year old son, my baby, and I and have a neighbor check in on us every few hours.  I know that wouldn't satisfy my midwife though.  I've had people offer to help out, and I feel bad taking them up on their offers. But maybe I should just do so.  We live in a small rural area, so hiring a post partum doula is not an option this late in the game even if there were any close by which there are not.  So I'm open to any suggestions because I'm very dissappointed right now that what I had planned is not going to work unless my mom comes out of this manic state very soon and gets back to her old self.



post #2 of 5

Can you ask your midwife for suggestions?  Perhaps she knows of a student midwife or other contact who would be willing to come stay with you for the first 24 hours (probably for a fee).  Also, there are traveling doulas (a quick Google search brought up several).  Good luck!

post #3 of 5

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that now roses25. I know you say you don't want to take anyone up on their offer to help, but why not? I'm of the mind if someone offers to help and you really need it, you should take them up on it. The people who have offered must know that you are a single mother and you might appreciate the help. I am also hesitant to rely on others - I've never let anyone "help me out with my groceries no matter how pg I am- but I think this situation might be an exception for you. I also like rnra's idea of asking your midwife for suggestions. Good luck!

post #4 of 5

sorry about the Mom freaking out! Yeah it is bad timing. I agree with the MW though, you really should have someone with you for the first 24 at least.  I'd be calling up the people that asked if they could help me and putting together  a plan and a backup plan for delivery day. A person could take a "shift" - 8 hours or so to stay with you. Good luck.

post #5 of 5

Sorry you have to go through this! 


Although I totally get the need to just be alone with baby after (I tend to need much more privacy when healing, figuring out baby, getting things settled etc) I will agree that you absolutely should have someone there for you after.

Reading through so many birth stories has taught me that no 2 people recover the same, even after having more kids recovery can be hugely different. Sure you may feel great and things could go smoothly, but what if you loose a lot of blood and need more time to rest, or have things that need more healing, or have a baby that isn't latching well etc.  Baby and older DS need a mama who can heal and get some rest, so if people are offering help - now is the time to take it! At least for the first 24 hours, then if you truly feel like you have your feet on the ground, you can just cut back to having people check on you. Lot's of good suggestions above :) 

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