Nora and Finn actually have a LOT of cousins! My oldest sister (who I do speak to, we just aren't close) has 12 kids, and my 3rd oldest sister has 2 older girls, and now M has 1 baby. I knew she was having a baby. Last New Years...oh it's a long story. My aunt came out of nowhere and posted on my FB wall that she thought I should know that M was pg and that maybe I could "share in her happiness". Oh boy I flipped. Share in her happiness my ASS. Where was any of my family, where was M when I was pg?? When I had Nora?? Nowhere, thats where. They completely left me high and dry.
Ok - in a nutshell... here is the backstory.
She and I were always oil and water, but we were in a good place I thought. My brother was getting married and she was matron of honor. I was invited to my future SILs bridal shower. Nora was 6 mo old, and I just was going to bring her. Well, my sister (M) flat out told me "she's not invited no kids at the shower" and I was like what? this is your niece! She's ebf and I don't have milk pumped for her, I need that for work!
She started railing on me that it was "sad that chris couldn't watch her" even for 1 afternoon.
I finally was just like, really mad about this, so I wrote her a PM on FB about how I woudl really just like to bring her. That if I seemed out of line it wasn't b/c I was trying to be difficult but b/c being a mom is a lot of responsibility. Being up w/the baby and working out of the home, etc.
She fired back, "Well, you sound really happy. Maybe you shouldn't have had her."
I was also fighting a badddd case of PPD at the time, so I went into shock I think. I just X'ed her out of my life.
I told my mom about what had happened and my mom sided with her. Said i shouldn't bring "the baby" to the shower. Her own grandbaby! So...I just cut ties with everyone. :-/
I went to the wedding and tried to just ignore it all but it was too toxic. I went to a few holidays at my Mom's but didn't feel welcome. Easter that year, M stormed out of the house when we showed up. It's been easy to just pretend they don't exist. But when you see a baby and he's real and you miss people...idk. Why do I miss someone who treated me this way?? You know??
I'm worried about getting hurt but I'm also worried about opening up my kids to that level of hurt, as well. My mom was THE most uninvolved grandmother and really never made any effort. It stung. It was sort of the final straw in our tumultuous relationship, so I drew my line there. I didn't like who I was around her or after being around her, and I didn't want my daughter to have an unstable insecure mom. You know?
I'm worried that if I open this up, I'll probably have to hash out stuff with my mom. I don't want to. I do want to but I realllly don't want to.
I also tend to get like this around the holidays, so I don't know if that's what this is or if it's real.
I just don't know how to make it all on my terms. I can't do that. I don't think I'm 100% in the right. I could have done so much differently, and the fact that I've alienated everyone was MY doing b/c I didn't want to subject myself and my kid(s) to their crap. I justified it at the time but now I'm kind of regretting it. Maybe I should have just painted a smile on and dealt with it? I don't think I was strong enough to. I don't even think i'm necessarily strong enough NOW. I mean, I know who I am so much more now, and I feel more mature about the whole situation...but I still don't know what the right thing to do is.
and honestly guys, if I even mention this to chris again (getting back in touch with them) he's going to be so unsupportive. He loathes my family. Like, abhors. For how they treated me, for all the tears I've cried, for all the rudeness over the years. For all of it. I know he thinks this is bad news. I don't want to even talk to him about it!!