October 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 4

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I'll say it's worth saying to DH that you don't feel it's necessary to take her in so soon after her last visit.  A lie by omission is still a lie IMHO.
I'm the opposite though.  I wouldn't feel I need to justify all my reasons not to do XYZ shots.  Instead, I say to him if you want the baby to get them, convince me.  Convince me he needs them right now vs waiting.  Tell him he needs to go into all the reasons he wants to give Ava those vaccines.

I agree with this but couldn't figure out how to write it out earlier. I would tell my dh that I'm not taking the kids to the doctor. If he objects, he needs to give me thoughtful, factual reasons why they need to be seen. Until he can do that, we won't be going. He has never been able to do that and now is beginning to agree with me on it all, I think.

I don't like showing my belly, either. That's why I like the nursing tanks better, if I'd ever remember to wear the darn things! I think the other issue I have with actually wearing the nursing tanks is that they feel more like shirts than bras to me so I feel like I should wear a clean one every day, whereas I'll wear the same bra every day for a week before washing it.

DH watched the kids last night while I went to my neighbor's house to knit. It was nice. I came home around 10:30. DH was watching the debate and had no idea where Dylan was.

[akind1]

LOL! Glad you are getting some kid-free time! I think it would be best to tell him, but I'd also try to not make a big deal out of it. Nursing tanks aren't supportive enough for me, so I wear usual camis and a regular nursing bra.

[AnnieA]

Blast. I knew I was going to have to talk to him about it. I agree, a lie of omission is still a lie. I wish he were going with me to my sister's house this weekend because then we would have plenty of time to discuss while driving. Ah well. I'll catch up with him about it Sunday night when we get home.

I'm seriously LOVING this age that Ava is right now. She understands what I'm saying, she's not really defiant, she's just so present, you know? I used to have this saying that I would say when I would take her out of the bath. This was when she was a tiny baby and would lay on the towel after I took her out of the tub. I said it to her every day. I stopped saying it when she started crawling away from me. The other day, I said it to her when I was taking her out of the tub and she got the biggest grin on her face and laid her head down on my shoulder. So the last couple of days, when I take her out of the shower, she kind of hunches over and looks up at me waiting for me to say the special words. Melts my heart!

[akind1]

Ava is such a smart girl! she really is. So sweet - I hope I get to meet her at the next vacation! Norah didn't nurse at all last night, woke briefly around 1, popped in the paci and she went right back to sleep. This is sort of how Gabe weaned, only he was in his crib, and started STTN there. I am a little sad, but so amazed we have made it as far as we did - and a little glad to have my boobs back for a few months before they are overtaken by a new boobie monster, and since this is the last one, he or she doesn't really have to stop at a certain point. Hope everyone has a great friday! Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to JJ!

[Baby_Cakes]

Oh!  Happy Thanksgiving JJ!

I was just thinking about our Thanksgiving.  It's not that far away!  Yum.  Cannot wait for food!  (see other post on how much I love food)

Lauri - that sounds so sweet!  Ava is such a doll.

Kat - Aww, bittersweet.  Hugs!  Sounds like she really is sleeping better, too.  I hope it keeps up!!  ONE WEEK till you can come out on FB!  Its driving me batty!  I can't wait to be able to openly talk about it!  When is your next appt?

AFM - Chris put the kids to bed last night for the first time and it went super smoothly!  I had a great time out at dinner w/my girlfriend.  It was so nice to have grown up time.  Plus she lives about an hour away, so I got to drive and listen to my music and be by myself for a bit too.

Happy Friday all!  I'll be around!

[AnnieA]

Aaaaaaannnnnd we're back to crap sleep. Got home at 12:30 AM, rushed around packing and cleaning until Ava stirred at 1:45 AM. Went to bed and was up at least twice before she woke at 6 AM FOR THE DAY. Supposed to be driving to my sister's today. 3 hr drive by myself on 4 broken hrs of sleep. Excellent.

[akind1]

Annie: will she sleep in the car? (doesn't help your lack of sleep, but it's something) and HUGS. broken sleep sucks. Though that was me for the last few months - in bed between 12 and 1, up to nurse at least twice, and up for the day at 6. I am sure it's temporary and your good sleeper will return! Do you have to visit? Carrie: next appointment is on Norah's birthday - so next Thursday. Looking forward to hearing the heartbeat again, though the baby is moving more lately - or movements I can feel, and that is good. I am so ready to be "out" on facebook. It means I have verbal vomit when ever I am around people who know I'm pregnant, because I have to talk about it somewhere! I am beyond thankful that so far this pregnancy has been as easy as my others. I pray it continues, and that this baby doesn't dwaddle as much as his or her siblings. Hope everyone has a great weekend! I wish I had more money - we'd be doing Ren Fest this weekend, but it looks like we will hold off until November.

[MarineWife]

Annie ~ Isn't that how it always works? I swear, whenever I have big plans for something sleep the night before sucks and everything else goes haywire.

Ooooh, Kat will be coming out soon! hehe

Happy Thanksgiving, JJ. Do you all have a big feast like we do?

We're going through the sickies again. Ugh! It seems like every time I turn around someone here is sick.

Dylan actually fell asleep last night on my legs upside down with his head near my feet. This morning he woke up, moved around the room a little, even crawled off the bed and back on, then laid back down next to Kellen and fell back to sleep. I didn't have to do a thing.

We were talking about diets at the park yesterday. One of the mom's is pregnant and possibly has gestational diabetes so she's trying to figure out what she can and can't eat. I piped up that I spent so many years exercising like a nut and restricting my food that I'm over it. If I want to eat something because I like it, I'm going to eat it. I'm tired of worrying about whether or not it's good for me or what size I am or how much I weigh. I'm sure that when Dylan is older and I can get more free time, I'll get back into exercising and maybe eating less unhealthy food but not right now. I'm going to enjoy my cake and brownies.

So, I think Ryan's girlfriend moved in, sort of. Ryan decided to have his car engine rebuilt so he talked my mother into giving him $2500 to get it done. He's out of a car and work for two weeks so his GF is letting him use her car as much as possible. I guess their solution to sharing the car is to have her stay here. I don't really mind, I guess. She doesn't cause any problems. If anything, she makes things nicer because she and Ryan cleaned his room the other night and she bought some groceries.

[akind1]

Well, at least there is a plus side? though I guess, if it were me, I'd want my kid to talk to me about adding people to the household before it was done (asking permission would be nice . . . even in regular rent/landlord situations, you usually need to inform if there is a change in occupancy) BUT - she's nice, and helps, so it's kind of moot - and yeah, it's not my kid ;) LOL What's up with all the sickies? get better people! Going to the chiro today - it's much needed. I need to be going regularly, especially being pregnant.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

Well, at least there is a plus side? though I guess, if it were me, I'd want my kid to talk to me about adding people to the household before it was done (asking permission would be nice . . . even in regular rent/landlord situations, you usually need to inform if there is a change in occupancy) BUT - she's nice, and helps, so it's kind of moot - and yeah, it's not my kid .

She has stayed over periodically here and there. They know I don't mind that. Ryan did ask me if I minded that she had been staying. I, honestly, hadn't even noticed because she's always here when they aren't working, anyway, and we go to bed long before Ryan gets home from work (usually) and goes to bed. So, she hasn't really moved in. She's just been sleeping over more often.

I guess there's an issue with a curfew with her mother, too. She's 23 years old but her mother has still set a curfew. If she's not home by curfew, the door is locked and her mother won't give her a key. I can understand wanting anyone who lives in the home to either be home or check in because, otherwise, I might not be able to sleep from worrying. But that doesn't make sense if you are going to lock someone out if they aren't home. I would just worry more not knowing where my child was and knowing she couldn't get into the house. In that case, it's not an issue of love and concern. It's an issue of control and I think it's ridiculous to try to control an adult child like that. If she were living on her own, would the mom still expect her to be check in by a certain time? I can assure you it's not a case of this girl staying out partying and coming in drunk and loud and obnoxious and waking everyone up. She's so quiet when she comes in the house that she scares me when I turn around and she's suddenly there.

I think my issue with continually getting sick is that I'm not getting the time I need to rest and fully recover. At least no one has been seriously ill for a long period. It's more just annoying cold-type symptoms. I do feel more tired and run down. I actually took a nap on the couch yesterday for an hour or so with Dylan asleep on me. DH was mad when he rushed home to take Ethan to baseball and he wasn't ready. Sorry I am sick.

I need to talk to dh about that. He said he did it because he didn't want to miss his last chance to watch Ethan play baseball. Ok, then why make it not fun by being grumpy about it? He wouldn't even help Ethan find his cup because he was running late. So, being on time is more important than your child's safety? That doesn't make sense. I don't think he's thought of it in those terms so I'm going to try to gently point that out to him.

Oh, doh! I forgot the reason I came back here to post in the first place. My chart. Days of EWCF and no O again.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/coconutsFFChart


My Ovulation Chart

[Baby_Cakes]

Well that chart sure is frustrating.  

So.

You know the saying just b/c you miss someone doesn't mean you need them back in your life? That it's ok to just miss them?? Idk what to do/think anymore. 

I haven't spoken to my sister in over 3 years (since N was around 6 mo old). We had a huge HUGE falling out. I really still haven't forgiven her for what she said/did. But. I just realized she doesn't have me blocked anymore on FB. I was going thru my timeline to see if my PMs were visible and I saw pictures of her adorable 6 mo old baby boy (!!!) and now my heart is just racing and I'm nervous and actually *thinking*...maybe this dead heat silence has gone on long enough? Would she even talk to me?? I'm not blocked by her anymore...but what would happen if I reached out? Am I asking to get hurt?? Would I have to speak to my Mom again??? Is this going to open a can of worms???

Ugh. I wish things were easy and simple and cut and dry. But nothing is. You know?

I've been thinking a lot lately about my family.  Partly/mostly b/c Nora is really starting to ask a lot of questions about where my mother is and why we see Daddy's mom but not my mom, etc.  I've explained all I can that she did something to hurt my feelings, so I dont talk to her right now.  She gets that, but she then tells me, "You should tell her to say sorry, Mom."

If only it were that simple.

You know?

Idk what to do anymore!!

[akind1]

So Nora and Finn have a cousin?? did you know she was pregnant? It's hard - if she was a friend, I would say, forget it, not worth it. But she's not only family, she's your sister. And that's not going to change. I obviously don't know what the falling out was. but it looks like there were hurt feelings on both sides. I would say . . . reach out . . . tenatively, like, beautiful baby! maybe, maybe, maybe, meet in a public place for coffee? My mom and her sisters are all relatively estranged, but are civil when in eachothers company every few years. I can see my sister and I headed in that direction, we are just so different. I like her husband, but she herself is hard to like. Is your family nearby? MW: I hope you are able to get some rest and get well. being sick sucks. I don't have time to be sick. This month is too busy!

[Baby_Cakes]

Nora and Finn actually have a LOT of cousins!  My oldest sister (who I do speak to, we just aren't close) has 12 kids, and my 3rd oldest sister has 2 older girls, and now M has 1 baby.  I knew she was having a baby.  Last New Years...oh it's a long story.  My aunt came out of nowhere and posted on my FB wall that she thought I should know that M was pg and that maybe I could "share in her happiness".  Oh boy I flipped.  Share in her happiness my ASS.  Where was any of my family, where was M when I was pg??  When I had Nora??  Nowhere, thats where.  They completely left me high and dry.

Ok - in a nutshell... here is the backstory.

She and I were always oil and water, but we were in a good place I thought. My brother was getting married and she was matron of honor. I was invited to my future SILs bridal shower. Nora was 6 mo old, and I just was going to bring her. Well, my sister (M) flat out told me "she's not invited no kids at the shower" and I was like what? this is your niece! She's ebf and I don't have milk pumped for her, I need that for work!
She started railing on me that it was "sad that chris couldn't watch her" even for 1 afternoon. 
I finally was just like, really mad about this, so I wrote her a PM on FB about how I woudl really just like to bring her. That if I seemed out of line it wasn't b/c I was trying to be difficult but b/c being a mom is a lot of responsibility. Being up w/the baby and working out of the home, etc. 
She fired back, "Well, you sound really happy. Maybe you shouldn't have had her."

I was also fighting a badddd case of PPD at the time, so I went into shock I think. I just X'ed her out of my life. 

I told my mom about what had happened and my mom sided with her. Said i shouldn't bring "the baby" to the shower. Her own grandbaby! So...I just cut ties with everyone. :-/

I went to the wedding and tried to just ignore it all but it was too toxic. I went to a few holidays at my Mom's but didn't feel welcome. Easter that year, M stormed out of the house when we showed up. It's been easy to just pretend they don't exist. But when you see a baby and he's real and you miss people...idk. Why do I miss someone who treated me this way?? You know??

I'm worried about getting hurt but I'm also worried about opening up my kids to that level of hurt, as well. My mom was THE most uninvolved grandmother and really never made any effort. It stung. It was sort of the final straw in our tumultuous relationship, so I drew my line there. I didn't like who I was around her or after being around her, and I didn't want my daughter to have an unstable insecure mom. You know?

I'm worried that if I open this up, I'll probably have to hash out stuff with my mom. I don't want to. I do want to but I realllly don't want to. 
I also tend to get like this around the holidays, so I don't know if that's what this is or if it's real.

I just don't know how to make it all on my terms. I can't do that. I don't think I'm 100% in the right. I could have done so much differently, and the fact that I've alienated everyone was MY doing b/c I didn't want to subject myself and my kid(s) to their crap. I justified it at the time but now I'm kind of regretting it. Maybe I should have just painted a smile on and dealt with it? I don't think I was strong enough to. I don't even think i'm necessarily strong enough NOW. I mean, I know who I am so much more now, and I feel more mature about the whole situation...but I still don't know what the right thing to do is.

and honestly guys, if I even mention this to chris again (getting back in touch with them) he's going to be so unsupportive.  He loathes my family.  Like, abhors.  For how they treated me, for all the tears I've cried, for all the rudeness over the years.  For all of it.  I know he thinks this is bad news.  I don't want to even talk to him about it!!

[MarineWife]

Carrie ~ I wish I had time to write up a decent response to this. Maybe I'll be able to do bits and pieces over the weekend. Right now, dh is asleep on the couch and Dylan is throwing things off the coffee table.

Anyway, that's a really hard situation. I am very much one to say stay away from toxic people and/or situation even if it is family. If it's going to cause trouble between you and Chris, maybe it's not worth it, at least not now. You could always be the better person and send your sister a card and a baby gift and leave it at that. Then if she or anyone else wants to try to patch things up with you and contacts you, you can make it on your terms. Tell them up front that you were really hurt and felt very unsupported and abandoned by them and you aren't going to take any crap from them this time. Tell them what kind of relationship you want to have with them. Outline exactly l what is not ok, like telling you how to parent or whatever they may butt their noses into. Have that all worked out before you do anything. As long as you are being reasonable, if they choose not to respect your wishes, you'll know you've done everything you can and none of this is a reflection on you.

[akind1]

The baby shower thing would have pissed me off. And sounds so much like something my sister would do.
Who, by the way, isn't coming to Norah's 1st birthday party OR our Dad's 50th, which are being celebrated the same day. Some sort of teacher thing, she says. I am tryinv not to be upset. Not surprised.

At any rate, I think I would have just not gone, and stayed cordial. I am not good at writing people off. Too much hope.
I think sending a card and gift would be nice. Puts the ball in her court. As far as open ing up your kids to that sort of hurt, that's hard. And if Chris loathes them, and mostly in defense of you, that says alot - like volumes. Not worth excess marital stress..

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

The baby shower thing would have pissed me off.

It wasn't a baby shower. It was a bridal shower. And it's perfectly ok for someone to plan an adult party like that without kids/babies. People have entire weddings where babies and children are specifically not invited.

I don't see why you couldn't leave a 6 month old with Dad for an hour or two. I've done that and have never had stored breastmilk or bottles available. I would explain that I would most likely have to leave early to get home to my baby but would like to come at least for a short while. My dh would know to call me if he was having trouble. If it's too far away, then I'd politely decline.

I would be extremely hurt by the statement about being unhappy and should've not had the baby. That's mean and hurtful. But, was it said totally out of the blue or was it said as a reaction to something hurtful that was said to her? That would change the entire situation. Not that it would then be ok but maybe understandable.

You can send cards and gifts for the baby without having to interact with the adults because that's what this is about, right? The children.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 


It wasn't a baby shower. It was a bridal shower. And it's perfectly ok for someone to plan an adult party like that without kids/babies. People have entire weddings where babies and children are specifically not invited.
I don't see why you couldn't leave a 6 month old with Dad for an hour or two. I've done that and have never had stored breastmilk or bottles available. I would explain that I would most likely have to leave early to get home to my baby but would like to come at least for a short while. My dh would know to call me if he was having trouble. If it's too far away, then I'd politely decline.
I would be extremely hurt by the statement about being unhappy and should've not had the baby. That's mean and hurtful. But, was it said totally out of the blue or was it said as a reaction to something hurtful that was said to her? That would change the entire situation. Not that it would then be ok but maybe understandable.
You can send cards and gifts for the baby without having to interact with the adults because that's what this is about, right? The children.

Of course they do.  And I did go and I didn't bring her.  But.  What really was my issue was how she went about telling me -- rude.  And Idk.  If it was for a cousin or a friend I could see it, but this was my own family. Grandma!  Aunts!  
It was just really rude and unexpected.  I had just assumed I could bring her.  And honestly a 6 mo nursling is loads different from even a 1 year old or a child.  It's just not the same.

I couldn't politely decline.  If I hadn't gone it would have been really rude as well.  I felt trapped.

And nope, I didn't say anything to provoke that kind of statement from her.  I just poured my guts out saying how motherhood was a lot of responsibility, and I pump milk for work and that's really all I had (and mind you this was my very first baby and obv she wasn't eating solids, and I was panicking thinking of being away from her.  Plus I worked, and I didn't want to be away from her.  Different situation than even with my 2nd baby, honestly!)

Anyway, I don't even think I was right looking back but my feelings were hurt.  The fact they didn't want Nora there really bothered me.  I felt hurt FOR her.  I felt like they were so excited when I had her, and they they just completely abandoned us.  Nobody ever called or came by.  Nobody asked how we were doing.  I had PPD and I don't even think they cared.  M would send me text messages about "why aren't you coming to moms????" for x or y reason (usually just a sunday afternoon) not realizing I had this little family I was trying to grow and was tired and not really wanting to.  Idk.  It might sound selfish but at the time it was really all I could do.  Nora was so incredibly high needs.  She didn't sleep at night (picture Tenley).  I was exhausted and I mentioned that in my pm to her.  She took that and ran -- instead of being a listening ear or being supportive, she hit me where it hurt.  On purpose.

I would call my mom weekly and I always got rushed off the phone for a TV show coming on or some odd reason like that.

I can't send her anything.  I don't know any addresses.  

Idk.  After a night of (broken) sleep and just more thinking, I'm not going to act on anything yet.  I don't like how it's making me already.  Just thinking about these people is making me really uneasy and that quote you posted, Alysia, really made sense.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

What really was my issue was how she went about telling me -- rude.  And Idk.  If it was for a cousin or a friend I could see it, but this was my own family. Grandma!  Aunts!  

It was just really rude and unexpected.  I had just assumed I could bring her.  And honestly a 6 mo nursling is loads different from even a 1 year old or a child.  It's just not the same.
I couldn't politely decline.  If I hadn't gone it would have been really rude as well.  I felt trapped.

I don't really understand why you couldn't just decline. I don't understand the whole issue of feeling obligated to attend things like that just because. I figure if they get angry because I don't go, they aren't the kind of people I need to be around, anyway (which might help you answer your question).

Anyway, I don't even think I was right looking back but my feelings were hurt.  The fact they didn't want Nora there really bothered me.  I felt hurt FOR her.  I felt like they were so excited when I had her, and they they just completely abandoned us.  Nobody ever called or came by.  Nobody asked how we were doing.  I had PPD and I don't even think they cared.  M would send me text messages about "why aren't you coming to moms????" for x or y reason (usually just a sunday afternoon) not realizing I had this little family I was trying to grow and was tired and not really wanting to.  Idk.  It might sound selfish but at the time it was really all I could do.  Nora was so incredibly high needs.  She didn't sleep at night (picture Tenley).  I was exhausted and I mentioned that in my pm to her.  She took that and ran -- instead of being a listening ear or being supportive, she hit me where it hurt.  On purpose.

I would call my mom weekly and I always got rushed off the phone for a TV show coming on or some odd reason like that.

I wonder if you took things too personally because of your situation, PPD, first baby, sleep-deprivation. I'm not saying that you are wrong but you only have your side of the incident. There's usually my side, their side and the truth somewhere in the middle. KWIM?

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, if you think you overreacted at all or think that you could have done something differently at all, then maybe it would be a good idea to try to patch things up. If you truly believe that she (they) did the wrong thing and hurt you on purpose, then don't bother with them. Just because someone is family doesn't mean you have to associate with them.

I can't send her anything.  I don't know any addresses.

Can you get addresses from your aunt? Could you send something to your mom or your other sister to pass along?

[Baby_Cakes]

Good points, all, Alysia.  Thank you!!!

[MarineWife]

I'm glad I could help.

So, I did something nutty. I decided to invite a bunch of neighbors over for BBQ tomorrow. That means dh will be cooking all day. He doesn't mind. I hope I can keep up. There are going to be around 20 people, adults and children.