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HOW do you keep your sanity?

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

i am new to preteen behaviour.


dd just turned 10 and boy is she into it.


seriously. her teen friends ask her if she has started her periods. 


she hasnt but her body shape is turning into a teen.


and i am struggling to parent. i have been able to stay silent. we are v. close.


but now i have to become hands off too. i have never had to really discipline my child. i drew boundaries and she mostly kept to them. they were safety boundaries so there was no questioning them.


her reaction comes out in anger. and i dont know if i am jumping the gun here. her venting place is her home. she has to be too well behaved at school, in public and at her dad's. while she has thrown tantrums she has never, ever been disrespectful to her friends.


and now she is starting to. and i've had to ground her. she understands. 


but omg i cant handle it myself. 


how mama's do you cope. i see her making decisions which are really hard for me to take. she is giving up a coping strategy of her to fit in. 


she aks me to stop pressurising her. ok i get that. i'll back off.


how do you cope? how do you not worry your head off? how do you stay relaxed and not get an ulcer? gosh its sooo hard trusting that everything will work out. 

post #2 of 3

have some really good close friends you can always talk to! (to blow off steam)

i have always been a talker with my kids, or if too emotional/explosive a subject, we write to each other.

i also think it is ok to sometimes not be perfect...i think kids should know we are human with emotions! my mother hid alot of emotions, too much, and that really kept a wedge in our relationship.

it is *very difficult* to see them giving up their true selves to fit in! oh that hurts! i have one teen who did that and one who hasn't. i have two more to go, we *will* make it :)

post #3 of 3
My daughter is also 10 (I see you posted in my thread as well) and I try to remember how difficult puberty is. I am 45 so I'm on the other side of it and having physical and emotional hormonal issues as well. We play off each other and it's not a lot of fun.

I think it's just largely patience. I try to remember that she's going through some rough times. I'm lucky that her dad is the world's most even-tempered person and I can step away and have him handle things when both of our hormones are raging.

It is hard to back off when they make decisions you're unsure of, as I said in my thread. It's hard to know when you should step in and when you should let them go. I don't want to work from a place where I base decisions on the worst-case scenario, as I personally don't think that's a good way to live. So I just try to remain rational and sane, as my hormones make me crazy, and give her as much space as she seems to be able to handle. I do second guess myself a lot though.

I keep reminding me that she doesn't have to grow up to be a carbon copy of myself. LOL. She can make different decisions and do things I'd hate and would never do. We are different people.
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