I hope it's ok, I approved a new member to join our DDC just now. Hopefully she posts soon so she can introduce herself.
AFM - I'm going out to dinner tonight and DH is watching the kids and putting them to bed! He's never done it. It's time.
Nora had a great bday this week. She loved her gifts and had a great day. I didn't stress at all so I had fun too! Gma and Gpa and Uncle Ryan came over this evening with a few gifts and it was great. I can't even get my head around the fact that I have now a 1 yr old and a 4 yr old!!
I know we've been chatting on FB about sex stuff, and how some/most of us are having mixed feelings about our DH's and their drives, and our lack of drives, etc. DH and I actually had a huge fight the other day and here's how it went down.
He bothered me again at 10 pm JUST as I'm going to sleep, for sex. I was caught off guard (Maybe by now I shouldn't be. Maybe I'm being thick in thinking he might realize how freaking tired I am??) and I was apologetic but I said no. I'm so TIRED. I got upset b/c he started rattling off again how we aren't connected and we never see each other or spend quality time together. I started to cry b/c it hurts my feelings that he thinks sex is the only way we stay connected. What about all the touches and kisses during the day? What about the laughs and the good times and the conversations? I asked him if that all means nothing to him? I was getting genuinely concerned now that something is just really wrong -- how can he put so much value into this??? It's a great addition to our/a relationship, it's wonderful when it happens but for it to be how you define the happiness in your relationship to me seems selfish and dumb.
He told me to forget about it and told me to go to bed.
I told him he needs to help me get more sleep so maybe I'll have energy or desire to do stuff with him at night. It's not fair that he can sleep 7-9 hours straight all night yet I'm still in zombie land, and being told that I'm responsible for our relationship issues. I work so hard to keep these kids (AND HIM) happy. I'm sick of being told I'm not good enough. I'm freaking tired.
So then Finn was up a million times to nurse. He's up for the day at 6 and I text chris to please come get him and hang out with him? No response. I get up with him. I go out -- he didn't set up the coffee last night. Tears were just burning in my eyes, seriously. I was so mad. When he got up I gave him a piece of my mind. We fought. He took the kids outside. We didn't speak all morning.
Finally I just said listen, I'm not going to argue with you all day and have it be tense in the house. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of this. Lets just move on.
So anyway - in a nutshell - we talked it all over and hashed it out. He's not as mad about the lack of dtd as I thought. He said it came out all wrong. He is stressed about other things, and feels like we don't have any time for any decent conversations or sexy time. LIke either. I agree. We don't.
I found us a babysitter though that I trust, so soon I'm going to start using her for a few hours here and there so the kids can get used to her (and she can get used to them). Maybe more dates in our future will help him feel less alone. He said he feels lonely.
I hate feeling guilty when I'm not in the mood, but I do. I guess it's b/c I feel like it would be out of reciprocity and not b/c I'm being bullied or shamed. It's more of a chore for me these days but once I'm into it I do enjoy it.
Actually (TMI probably) but the other night we finally did dtd and b/c I have the fertile crazies I had told him earlier in the day DO NOT TRUST ME if I tell him we don't need protection. Well, after 1/2 a bottle of wine apparently I did tell him it was no big deal if we didn't use anything, "I can't get pg while I'm nursing and if we did have another baby whatever!" OMG. He told me that this am and I was like wow, I really cannot be trusted while fertile! Ha!
Ok. Novel over. LOL. TTYL!