I am in a scary situation. My partner (of 10-ish years) has always been somewhat emotionally abusive, but things have escalated lately. He gets very angry, calls me a b---h, says f--k y-- in an angry way even in front of our child, and is generally very negative and always puts me down via constant criticism and is always disappointed in my (admittedly very bad) housekeeping skills etc. I work at a shop nights and he works in the daytime, so stays with the child at night. Weekends are our only time together. He also has a fairly regular pot-smoking habit and few friends.
I myself am very imperfect...I am sloppy, forgetful, careless of my personal appearance, have taken to drinking 1 glass of wine per night, and worst of all have been seeing a therapist who has diagnosed me with a severe anxiety disorder taking the form of OCD. I am worried about a couple of things in particular (not relationship-related) that are very upsetting for me though objectively not a life-or-death problem. My partner, with whom I stupidly shared my "diagnosis", now finds it possible to tell me that I have a sick mind, am crazy, am not capable of being a good parent, etc because of tthe results of the therapy (that is, the fact that the therapist found something wrong with me). Lately he's been saying over and over that he is going to leave me, to dump me, that I am going to be all alone.
My concern is that I will lose my 2-year-old child, since I have an established mental disorder. I am honestly cursing myself for going to the therapist, although she has been helpful to me. I also want to point out that my partner has very good qualities and is generally very good withe the child. He is not a monster and I'm afraid this note shows him in a bad light. I am also far from wonderful, so it's not a one-sided thing. I am not going to leave him, but all signs point to him leaving me...all alone, as he says--I'm terrified that this means without my baby.
What do you think about the custody thing. Will I lose my child for sure, since I have this mental illness problem?
please help, sorry for grammar English is my 2nd language (am permanent resident and want my child to grow up in the US)
ps. we are married only by an unofficial ceremony, no papers etc.