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I'm starting to get freaked out...

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
I'm having kinda an emotional night. My back is really sore and I've had a lot if cervical and rectal pressure this afternoon. No contractions except the BH and RLP but I know this is all signs that things are coming close. I don't feel ready. There are things I still want to do before they get here, get to the moms of multiple swap Thursday night, get some decent maternity shots with my husband, do my last henna, not to mention just feel ready. For someone who has so much knowledge and training with birth I am now realizing how scared I really am not just to experience labor (esp labor out of my control) but to really feel prepared to bring two babies into this world and into my home and survive.

Quick background: I am a labor doula originally planning a home birth util we found out it was multiples. I am also in CoDA so I have difficulty asking for help when I need it. My DH had an emotional breakdown about 3 years ago and I worry about his ability to deal with all this because I know I need him more than ever. We have very little help only my mom who works full time herself. I used to feel like this independent strong woman and now I am terrified of what's to come.
post #2 of 6

Have you stocked your home with easily prepared food? That should be one of your top priorities.  It makes the post birth period SOOOO much easier!  Thinking about meals then is an added stress you would want to avoid.  Everything else, including clothes can wait until after the babies are born.  Babies are fine with just a few outfits :) 

 

It will probably help to have a priority list that is realistic (the kind that focuses on making your postpartum period as easy as possible) and a wish/want list.  This way, you can push aside stuff that you don't need to worry about.  Once that is taken care of you can start to tackle your "wish/want" list.  Maybe you could also share the two lists with your DH, Mom and your closest friends so that they get involved in helping to get you set up.  

post #3 of 6

Making lists of your fears might be good too.  It helps so much to get things down on paper and out of your head so that you can look at them realistically.  "Birthing from Within" is an excellent book for emotionally preparing for labor and birth.  

 

For myself, DH and I are both pretty scared about life with newborn twins, but I just keep thinking of that "going on a bear hunt" song/chant (we have an almost-3-year-old):  can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go around it, gotta go through it.  When you stop putting energy into wishing you could somehow get around it, you can just open yourself up to the process, and know that you'll get through it and come out on the other side.

post #4 of 6

I can really relate to that "not being ready" feeling.My third tri was a whole exercise in letting go of all the fun/me stuff I knew I needed to do beforehand - things like get our family photo albums updated, tackling some sewing projects I'd been looking forward to, a few small home reno/reorg projects. Knowing what the newborn period is like with just one newborn, I knew, however much I have hoped and prayed for these babies, I needed to do those things during my pg. (Like yours, a lot of my to-do items were pg-related, like taking those belly shots and keeping a pg journal.) Well, turns out a twin pg has its own timeline, right? I ended up prioritizing a LOT, accomplished those things I really, really wanted to do, and ended up (mostly) at peace letting go of the rest. Then over the last two weeks, all of a sudden I realized there were all these things that absolutely needed to get done (future career-related mostly, plus organizational for postpartum). I have really pushed myself to do them, not fun or practical (seriously now, at 36-38w?!) but I got them done. I took it day by day and every night planned what I would do if I had an extra day, then came up with a contingency plan in case I didn't. It really kept me sane. I am, just now, at a place where I feel ready.

 

I wish you the same - also FWIW I have been having occasional days of feeling crampy/pressure for the past month, everyone is of course different but at last check (though my doctor doesn't check often) I was barely 1cm dilated and a little effaced. I hope that is a little bit helpful. Like I said, I can very much relate!

post #5 of 6

It is very easy to become overwhelmed by a multiple pg.  The approach I took was to educate myself on whatever I was concerned about, prepare as much as possible, and then let it go and deal with each day as it comes.  Don't lose sight of what is important.  Having twins has a curious way of giving you razor sharp perception of your priorities.  If you don't learn to let go of some stuff, you will go crazy and wear yourself out.  You will esp. find this true after they are born. 

post #6 of 6
Hugs hugs and more hugs! I remember that feeling completely. I lived the last 3mths of my twin pregnancy in a camper on our acreage with a generator for power because our house wasn't finished construction. It was delayed by 3mths. The twins came home to that same camper. They lived init for a full 3weeks before our house was ready.

I was so overwhelmed with trying to unpack. Find baby items. Make sure all was ready. Yet how does one do that when you are living n a 31ft camper with 4 other people... (the twins are babes 4 and 5).

I had to just remember that as long as they arrived safely and healthy nothing else really mattered. I had to grieve for the loss of all my normal "planning" and when I was done I was able to sit down, put my feet up and realize that they would NOT come safely if I freaked out. I took 10min each day to just close hy eyes and visualize their safe arrival and it reminded me that stressing about what I could not do wouldn't change the situation nor help in any way. It gave me the strength to keep going
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