Asherah, I certainly dont see sexual assault as an aspect of sexualilty and agree that it is generally to do with power. And I certainly don't advocate mixing that with sex education, and didnt say so here.
We led onto the topic of assault and the reality of educating chidlren of the dangers from the discussion about whether we need to give boys and girls different emphasis in their sexual education. You don't think that there should be any difference in emphasis, I disagree.
As I said at the beginning, I believe it is far more likely that a girl will be coerced into having sex than a boy. That's not to say that boys wont have pressures upon them, but the likelihood of a girl being coerced is greater imo. And that would influence the way that I educate a girl vs a boy.
As for fear, I said several times that I am not talking about walking around in fear. I am talking about having a realistic view of the world. As you said, you have travelled and have made smart choices. That's what I want to help my daughters to do. What did I say that was any different to that?
As for your son or mine, no he should not go around all his life being self-consciuos that someone might see him as a predator. But if I have a son in the future, I would want to raise him too to be aware of these issues and to be mindful of where he might make a girl feel vulnerable, and where he needs to be respectful of that fact and back off. Wouldnt that also be a way of him being protected, as you say, from false allegations? That would include hanging back if following a woman on a dark street, or backing off if a woman seemed anxious by his friendliness in a park (which was my point about dh) Not that he must never talk to anyone in public - where did I say anything so extreme? But that he needs to be mindful of the issues and respectful of other people's feelings.
As far as sex ed, I believe that both genders need the same information, but sexuality is not an issue out on its own. It is a part of human relationships and as part of that, I want my girls to have the tools to withstand possible coercion (and where does 'persuasion' become 'assault' - there is a fine line, isn't there?) So my influence over all number of things will add up to give my girls a healthy view of sexuality and their power to choose. Which is what it is all about - choice.
I have first hand experience of where 'persuasion' crossed the boundaries and became imo 'assualt'. And as I said before, the teenage girl is left to carry the burden. I dont think that you can separate out the reality of that from sex ed. Schools don't need to touch upon it, but I see sex ed as my job as a parent, and I see that reality as part of the educatoin that sadly my girls will need to have. Not in a fearful way - I keep saying that, but you assume that I'm talking about fear when I'm talking about reality and practical ways to avoid danger.