Confirming twins w/o ultrasound - Page 3

[Brambleberry]

Originally Posted by josie423 

Yeah, I realize he's off base. We've been married for almost 6 years, so I guess I've just gotten used to it. 

Just try not to get TOO used to it, and keep doing what's necessary to take care of yourself and your kids.   Does your husband go to your midwife appointments with you?  If he does, I'd definitely call her ahead of time when he's not around so that you can make sure she understands your concerns fully - just in case you don't feel comfortable talking to her frankly with him there.

[josie423]

Thanks for the hugs!! I haven't had a chance to call her yet today as he's been out all day with the phone (we're usually together so we just have one cell). If I don't get a hold of her before Monday I do have opportunity to talk to her at our appointments. He does come but different things are done in different rooms and there is usually a chance for us to be alone while he entertains the kiddos.

But actually, thinking about it, maybe it would be good for me to just wait and lay it all out to her in person in front of him. He listens better when an 'expert' is involved, and she takes what I say seriously and always has good advice. I just may do that, it would be good for him to hear. I'm sure there will be an inevitable "why didn't you tell me?" from him, which will show him how I often don't feel comfortable/safe/listened to when I talk to him about serious matters. (This is something I told him earlier in my pregnancy and it really upset him.)

[WildKingdom]

Josie-

First of all, hugs.  Keep yourself and your children safe.  

Second of all, and I can't really think of any gentle, nice way to say this- the way you are being treated by your husband is not right.  It is not normal.  You are not the problem here, and your concerns deserve to be taken seriously.

I don't want to upset you, especially during your pregnancy, but please know that there is help out there for you if you want/need it.  Please feel free to PM me.

[josie423]

Thank you for your support! No, there is no nice way to say it because, well, it isn't nice. It stinks. It's hard. :( Like I said earlier, if I feel my gut leading me in a direction that my husband doesn't like, too bad for him. I won't hesitate.

[miritree]

Originally Posted by josie423 

Thank you for your support! No, there is no nice way to say it because, well, it isn't nice. It stinks. It's hard. :( Like I said earlier, if I feel my gut leading me in a direction that my husband doesn't like, too bad for him. I won't hesitate.

I rarely, rarely post, but I really hope you mean that and I'm glad to hear it.

[withlittlelungs]

Thinking of you Josie! 
Please feel free to contact me if you ever need anything. 

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by josie423 

Thanks for the hugs!! I haven't had a chance to call her yet today as he's been out all day with the phone (we're usually together so we just have one cell). If I don't get a hold of her before Monday I do have opportunity to talk to her at our appointments. He does come but different things are done in different rooms and there is usually a chance for us to be alone while he entertains the kiddos.

But actually, thinking about it, maybe it would be good for me to just wait and lay it all out to her in person in front of him. He listens better when an 'expert' is involved, and she takes what I say seriously and always has good advice. I just may do that, it would be good for him to hear. I'm sure there will be an inevitable "why didn't you tell me?" from him, which will show him how I often don't feel comfortable/safe/listened to when I talk to him about serious matters. (This is something I told him earlier in my pregnancy and it really upset him.)

He's left you home with 4 little kids and no phone? You don't feel safe when you talk to him about serious matters?

I know you're pregnant and vulnerable, but I'd just point out that his trying to control what you eat (to the point where it wouldn't be healthy for you or the baby), to dismiss your concerns, to control your access to medical care, and his isolating you are signs of an abusive relationship. I don't know if it's abusive. But I'd like you to tuck that information away in your brain for a time when you have the energy to deal with it. I'm very concerned that your health and the health of your unborn baby is not being properly looked after.

Please listen to your gut and push for your needs. Contact people privately if you need to (at least one person on this thread has offered to have you pm her). Be careful. I'm not liking what I'm hearing.

[Greenlea]

How is he with taking care of your kids? Remind him if something is wrong & you don't find out via U/S that he could lose his baby AND his wife - and how could he handle raising 4 little ones on his own?

[josie423]

He was out yesterday with with our three older kids, I had the baby and we took a nap (he had the van, I had the car). We've discussed getting another phone, but he works from home and we are together much of the time so we decided what's the point. We email/text if he's out and I'm at home. He often takes our older three out to run errands while the baby and I rest or go out and do something on our own.

It isn't that I feel unsafe, physically, sharing with him, it's emotionally, if that makes sense. He's not a good listener. I know that there are several things going on that aren't pleasant and may not make people happy. I'm working through them the best I can. I've been in contact with several people on this site, and other friends IRL.

Thanks so much for the support and concern everyone!! I will update when I have something more concrete to share. 

[JSerene]

I just wanted to add that you need to go to a clinic and get a diagnostic ultrasound, not a 3d ultrasound that is done just for fun. Good luck.

[talk de jour]

The point of another phone would be to make sure you could call for help in an emergency. Yes, you can use the computer, but in a situation where you are seriously hurt and cannot move, for example, you could ask a child to hand you the phone. Also, what if one of the children is badly hurt and needs immediate medical assistance? You can't count on an email text going through or your husband seeing it quickly enough to call 911 in time. You need at least some way to contact emergency services when you are home alone.

I feel as if your husband is playing fast and loose with your family's safety and it deeply worries me.

Also -- yeah, you do need to go for a real diagnostic ultrasound, not the just-for-fun 3D kind. The 3D shop people are trained to take good baby pictures. They assume your medical care is being provided elsewhere and do not provide diagnostics or advice.

[josie423]

Thanks for your input!! 

[josie423]

Just a quick update because I have to run off and do some b-day prep for my oldest son's b-day tomorrow... I saw my midwife today. I'm measuring a few weeks ahead now (which is totally normal for me at this point in pregnancy). Oops! I guess I'm not very good at checking my own FH. ;) My urine looked great, no protein or ketones. BP is good, iron is good, baby is vertex, h/b was found quickly and easily with the fetoscope. I'm feeling great about things and at this time I'm not going to seek a diagnostic u/s. That's *my* decision, nothing to do with my m/w or DH. 

I appreciate all the advice and support that was given to me on this thread! It means so much to me. :D

[Brambleberry]

Glad to hear everything's looking good!