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October Chat Thread - Page 9

post #161 of 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by timesway View Post

today was awful. basically my ex wanted me to sign a piece of paper saying i was an unfit mother, that i couldnt tell child who he is, couldnt tell his family, couldnt ask him for css, he wouldnt help unless he fancied it at anypoint .. and .. get this.. he also got duel parental responsibility.. I politely declined by wripping the so called document up.. anger doesnt cut it..
 

 

What a jerk!!!  Don't sign anything!  Heck, don't even talk to him anymore.  I'm having a hard time coming up with anything constructive to say that doesn't involve numerous expletives....

post #162 of 212

I'm so sorry timesaway .  That sounds truly awful.  hug2.gif

 

Bailey, I hope things have calmed down for you.  Emotional/exhausting time like that are so hard.

 

DH sold our other car yesterday so the girls and I are just hanging out at home since he has to take the van to work.  We are having a couple rainy days and I am tired today so staying home and laying low sounds good.  Only trouble is I am low on my "safe' foods so I am hoping i can scrounge up enough for me to eat today that sounds ok.

post #163 of 212

im also with cocld and episcleritis has flared.. big hugs all round xxx
 

and thankyou.. its nice  to know im not being mad.. i always wonder if i am.. i just cant believe someone i loved so much can be so horrible and callous.. now hes relapsing and blaming it on me for getting upset about that bloody piece of paper.. urg.. i dont want to deal with him anymore.. feel too ill to think lol

post #164 of 212

anyone else super paranoid? i'm usually a carefree and free spirited kind of gal, but now I am all of a sudden concerned about home security and afraid I might get meningitis... my friend say it's the motherly instinct, which honestly is a first for me considering I parent DD more than I mother her. I also didnt bond with her until I she was almost 3 month, this time I'm already bonded with baby and both pregnancies were planned, so i don't know what's different... so is it true, this is what the motherly instinct feels like?

post #165 of 212

I don't know. That is really interesting though. I think my mothering instinct was mostly just knowing how to take care of my DD when she was born but not really be a worrying mother type. I guess if anything I get defensive of me and my family when I am pregnant. Like a don't *F* with us type feeling.

 

I'm not sure if I mentioned it on here or not but I had my first acupuncture appt for MS yesterday and I think it really worked! I still had a few times today where I felt nauseated but it was mostly because I needed to eat again. I even felt well enough to walk for 30 minutes on the tread mill! I go again on Friday.

 

Also, has anyone started craving anything weird? I rarely drink soda and def never drink diet soda because I CANNOT stand the taste of the fake sugar but I downed a whole 20 oz bottle of diet coke today. That's all I could think about this afternoon! What could cause that type of craving?

post #166 of 212

im also MASSIVELY paranoid about everything, especially germs and what im eating,drinking,people dropping me, chain smoke, i get really funny at people for driving badly and say they could kiill my baby lol..

Im normally the life and soul of the party, i smoked and drank pretty heavily before preg.. and now i wont even sit near someone smoking, and am so so happy to not be drinking, couldnt think of it with this baby inside of me.. my friends tryed to take me to a freeparty the other night aswell and i had to drag them all round my house instead so that i didnt end up getting hypothermia or stuck there til 11am the next day!! lol

my cravings keep changing.. at first i wanted salty stuff, crisps and so on.. then it was cheese, then toast .. now i seem to not want anything but bacon sandwiches  and have gone off most foods.. except im craving wheatabix even tho im sposed to not eat wheat or dairy!!

im definately craving a lot of veg and stuff now.. but im on a good preg supplement which is probs helping keep my nutrients up.. its got everything in!! (altho clearly not enough vit c as thats what im craving and i have a cold)
 

post #167 of 212

I am craving sugar, sugar, sugar. What could be worse for me? I try to do healthy sweets and that helps, but I keep wanting to dip into the Halloween candy stash (which I have only actually done once or twice so far). I am not usually much of a sweets person, although outside of preg I am a regular drinker (1-2 beer/wine/day) so maybe that's why? Dunno...but you'd think you would crave things that your body/baby needs, not anti-nutrients. On that note tho, I have been really wanting veggies, esp broccoli, and peanut butter, so those cravings make sense. I am also pretty much never not hungry, which I am afraid if I give into too much, I will gain too much weight, idk why I am so paranoid about that. That is where my paranoia is manifesting.

 

times - sounds like you are having a rough go, I hope it gets better!

post #168 of 212

Adventure girl - I have been thinking about my weight too. I usually don't care but for some reason I do this time around. I am getting really sick of having to eat all the time. I think I am even going to have to start eating a snack in the middle of the night, now, because I wake up so weak I can hardly stand for a minute or more. I have been having insomnia from 4 to 6 am so I think I will try and find a healthy filling snack to eat around then. I did start walking on the tread mill 30 minutes last nite. I am usually so active outside but with winter coming (its practically snowing today) and the holidays I don't want my weight to get out of control.

post #169 of 212

Bailey - I think guilt from not exercising as much as normal is part of what's getting at me. The fatigue has made it harder for me to do my normal routine and when I do, I hate it. So I have switched to prenatal yoga, but that makes me feel lame, as it is so "light", but it is better than just sitting on my ass! I keep promising myself I will walk each day, but I have a hard time fitting it into my schedule, so it hardly happens. I guess that is my challenge for this time... It IS snowing here today, but I am still going to walk and get DD from school, I am making that commitment here & now. Baby steps, one day at a time. I guess I should re-join the exercise thread, have been avoiding it due to my sucky performance. 

post #170 of 212

BaileyB and adventuregirl - I am 13 weeks today and this is the first week that working out hasn't totally sucked.  I don't feel as weak when doing weights or as utterly fatigued from cardio.  Hopefully you guys will start feeling up to it soon too!  And I honestly feel like anything  is better than nothing, so if this means a leisurly 30 min stroll after dinner, well, that's better than sitting on the couch, right? 

 

BaileyB - I don't know if you do dairy, but I find a glass of milk perfect for a middle of the night snack.  It fills me up enough to get back to sleep but is easy on my tummy.  I've only had to have it a couple of times so far this pregnancy, but with DS from probably 17 or so weeks on I think I had a glass every night in the middle of the night or I couldn't sleep from the hunger.

 

Cravings....I wouldn't say any really hard core cravings thus far, but I seem to be on a real peanut butter kick!  Milk is also starting to taste awfully good.  With DS, it was brocolii and milk (not together) that I couldn't get enough of.  Also, I don't have a sweet tooth but did with DS.  No sweet tooth so far this time...

post #171 of 212
Quote:
I have been having insomnia from 4 to 6 am

Oh i have had terrible insomnia too!   It's driving me nuts because I'm so tired but I toss and turn all night.  I am hoping it will straighten out when I can eat better.  Maybe it's magnesium related but I am sure it's hormones too.  Anyone found things that help? 

 

I have started to gain a little too but I am trying not to worry about it too much.  My diet is crap right now because of food aversions and MS so I just eat whatever I can.  Right now, that happens to be carbs with dairy most of the time with the some applesauce.  I can't wait to feel better and be able to eat real food!  I miss vegetables so much I just can't really eat them right now.

 

A sweet friend of mine brought her son to play today and insisted upon cleaning my floors for me.  It's so hard for me to let people do things for me but it is so nice and so sweet of her.  I just could not muster up the energy.  By the time I pick up and sweep I don't have the energy to mop.  I am so thankful that she did that!

post #172 of 212

Hi everyone.  I'm still alive in case anyone was concerned I had kicked the bucket.  I'm far too tired to be kicking anything!

 

My cold is FINALLY vacating my body after spending most of yesterday sleeping (yay for realizing you get disability leave and don't have to hoard benefit time!).  Mucinex is also a big help.  It turns on the phlegm faucet which has some not-so-fun impacts on my stomach but hey, I don't have to worry about being constipated (although I didn't really have that issue anyway...).  But at least I'm feeling something resembling being human instead of feeling like I could totally fit in as an extra on The Walking Dead.  

 

Speaking of The Walking Dead, I don't know if anyone here watches it but one of the main characters if pregnant and it does put my preggo whining into a rather harsh light.  I mean, sure I'm sick and have been for nearly 3 weeks but at least I don't have to be pregnant during the zombie apocalypse where there is no chance of my cravings being met and where I also have to contend with worrying that I'll die during childbirth and come back as a zombie and eat my child or that my child is a zombie who will eat it's way out of me.  Harsh perspective indeed.

 

Finally emailed my dad to make sure he knew we were pregnant since we plan on announcing it on Facebook this weekend.  Apparently he took my "don't tell other people" to mean he shouldn't say anything at all, even to me.  Sheesh.  Just when I think I have one normal parent...  Meanwhile my mother is pouting because I told her that no, she still cannot tell her coworkers until we tell other people.  She was going to talk to my aunt and wanted to tell her too.  Whatever happened to us being able to share our news with our family?  She already took us telling my grandparents away from me.  Then again I don't really feel like talking with her siblings.  Double sheesh.

 

Oh, AND apparently she was planning on coming to visit us this weekend but her ride fell through.  Did she ever mention this possibility to us?  NOPE!  She even took off work and everything without so much as a word to us about it.  Now she's trying to strong arm my brother into coming to visit her or drive her down here.  Thankfully they're pretty adament about not coming here (bro has no time off since he had his child) and I doubt they'll go visit her.  Did I mention that this weekend is our anniversary?  Perhaps DH and I would like to spend our last one just the two of us with, I dunno, maybe JUST THE TWO OF US?

 

Timesaway, if you need revenge on the evil ex, we could always fix him up with my mom.  Sounds like they deserve one another.

 

My goal for tonight and tomorrow is to get completely better so DH and I can have a nice anniversary weekend and perhaps partake in some anniversary...ahem...festivities.

 

Sorry that everyone else seemed to catch my cold.  I hope it passes through the rest of you much quicker than it has me.

post #173 of 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoBabyMaker View Post

Quote:
I have been having insomnia from 4 to 6 am

Oh i have had terrible insomnia too!   It's driving me nuts because I'm so tired but I toss and turn all night.  I am hoping it will straighten out when I can eat better.  Maybe it's magnesium related but I am sure it's hormones too.  Anyone found things that help? 

 

I have started to gain a little too but I am trying not to worry about it too much.  My diet is crap right now because of food aversions and MS so I just eat whatever I can.  Right now, that happens to be carbs with dairy most of the time with the some applesauce.  I can't wait to feel better and be able to eat real food!  I miss vegetables so much I just can't really eat them right now.

 

A sweet friend of mine brought her son to play today and insisted upon cleaning my floors for me.  It's so hard for me to let people do things for me but it is so nice and so sweet of her.  I just could not muster up the energy.  By the time I pick up and sweep I don't have the energy to mop.  I am so thankful that she did that!

I had  to take a magnesium supplement last night before bed because I started to get foot cramps. I had some pretty terrible one's with DD at night. It seemed to help but I was still up from 4-6.

 

That's really nice of your friend to do that. My friends and MIL would do that if I asked but I feel bad when others do stuff like that too. I feel bad when DH was helping me catch up on laundry a couple weeks ago and all I could do was sit and try to not puke.

 

Also, with the magnesium supp I have been pooping ALL DAY today. Just normal BM's but like 4 times already and I have to go again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

BaileyB and adventuregirl - I am 13 weeks today and this is the first week that working out hasn't totally sucked.  I don't feel as weak when doing weights or as utterly fatigued from cardio.  Hopefully you guys will start feeling up to it soon too!  And I honestly feel like anything  is better than nothing, so if this means a leisurly 30 min stroll after dinner, well, that's better than sitting on the couch, right? 

 

BaileyB - I don't know if you do dairy, but I find a glass of milk perfect for a middle of the night snack.  It fills me up enough to get back to sleep but is easy on my tummy.  I've only had to have it a couple of times so far this pregnancy, but with DS from probably 17 or so weeks on I think I had a glass every night in the middle of the night or I couldn't sleep from the hunger.

 

Cravings....I wouldn't say any really hard core cravings thus far, but I seem to be on a real peanut butter kick!  Milk is also starting to taste awfully good.  With DS, it was brocolii and milk (not together) that I couldn't get enough of.  Also, I don't have a sweet tooth but did with DS.  No sweet tooth so far this time...

Milk has been good to me this pregnancy. Normally I can't drink it but when I am pregnant I can. It's weird, but nice. I didn't really work out with my other 2 full term pregnancies because I always start out thin and in shape but by 6 or 7 months I look at my legs and they just have no muscle definition at all. Also, I tend to get a bad back when pregnant because of being so tall and working out helps that a little.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

Hi everyone.  I'm still alive in case anyone was concerned I had kicked the bucket.  I'm far too tired to be kicking anything!

 

My cold is FINALLY vacating my body after spending most of yesterday sleeping (yay for realizing you get disability leave and don't have to hoard benefit time!).  Mucinex is also a big help.  It turns on the phlegm faucet which has some not-so-fun impacts on my stomach but hey, I don't have to worry about being constipated (although I didn't really have that issue anyway...).  But at least I'm feeling something resembling being human instead of feeling like I could totally fit in as an extra on The Walking Dead.  

 

Speaking of The Walking Dead, I don't know if anyone here watches it but one of the main characters if pregnant and it does put my preggo whining into a rather harsh light.  I mean, sure I'm sick and have been for nearly 3 weeks but at least I don't have to be pregnant during the zombie apocalypse where there is no chance of my cravings being met and where I also have to contend with worrying that I'll die during childbirth and come back as a zombie and eat my child or that my child is a zombie who will eat it's way out of me.  Harsh perspective indeed.

 

Finally emailed my dad to make sure he knew we were pregnant since we plan on announcing it on Facebook this weekend.  Apparently he took my "don't tell other people" to mean he shouldn't say anything at all, even to me.  Sheesh.  Just when I think I have one normal parent...  Meanwhile my mother is pouting because I told her that no, she still cannot tell her coworkers until we tell other people.  She was going to talk to my aunt and wanted to tell her too.  Whatever happened to us being able to share our news with our family?  She already took us telling my grandparents away from me.  Then again I don't really feel like talking with her siblings.  Double sheesh.

 

Oh, AND apparently she was planning on coming to visit us this weekend but her ride fell through.  Did she ever mention this possibility to us?  NOPE!  She even took off work and everything without so much as a word to us about it.  Now she's trying to strong arm my brother into coming to visit her or drive her down here.  Thankfully they're pretty adament about not coming here (bro has no time off since he had his child) and I doubt they'll go visit her.  Did I mention that this weekend is our anniversary?  Perhaps DH and I would like to spend our last one just the two of us with, I dunno, maybe JUST THE TWO OF US?

 

Timesaway, if you need revenge on the evil ex, we could always fix him up with my mom.  Sounds like they deserve one another.

 

My goal for tonight and tomorrow is to get completely better so DH and I can have a nice anniversary weekend and perhaps partake in some anniversary...ahem...festivities.

 

Sorry that everyone else seemed to catch my cold.  I hope it passes through the rest of you much quicker than it has me.

I'm glad that you are not as sick and getting better!! We have all dodged colds here, thank God! I do NOT need that right now.

 

Hey, it's nice to hear that someone else has a crazy mother! Aren't they fun!? Not...

 

Speaking of *festivities* has anyone been having a problem with sex. I have my normal sex drive but everything is sooo sensitive that we can't actually have sex for more than a minute or so. :-( I am going to have to get creative.

 

Timesaway - your ex sounds terrible! How stressful to be dealing with that while pregnant. hug2.gif

 

The only thing knew here is that I could've slept all day today except for needing to eat. And I was non stop hungry all day. Baby must be going through a growth spurt. Also, help.gif DD has given up taking naps! I am not ready for that! I was looking forward for both her and the new baby to hopefully take a nap at the same time and I could get stuff done. So much for that pipe dream.

post #174 of 212

thanks everyone.. today has been the worst.. i had the scan which made me cry and fall to pieces lol with joy this time tho because there was a healthy perfect little baby shaped baby thing.. measuring a day ahead (which means i was exactly 12weeks and im now 12w1d.. hehe gained a day!)  i told my other sister, and some friends who reacted wonderfully, everyone fell apart at the picture of the scan.. i need to find a lovely way to tell my dad.. im thinking maybe one of those cards u make online and come in the post saying congratulations on being a grampy? ..is that too cheesey?

But yes.. ex .. screamed at me.. went mad.. threatened to kill himself.. basically all i can assume is he hoped baby wasnt healthy.. and therefore i'd terminate, he'd been gentler with me before today.. and now today he has been awful with me..the worst yet.. he screamed it in front of lots of friends aswell and tryed to stay i wasnt allowed to hang out where i've hung out for the past year and have lots of friends anymore, as it was his place :S luckily everyone was massively supportive.. im so lucky to have such wonderful friends.. it was just so sad.. he clearly hadnt eaten for days, and he looked really ill.. i just hate it :( everyone told me to stop listneing to him, hes trying to make me feel bad.. but its hard really :(

But overall happy day!!

Amanda i hope your colds better.. i think your mum, my mum and my ex could make a trio.. ha.. what do u wreckon?

My  colds pretty bad i think it mite turn into  a chesty one, so mite make a trip to drs soon.. gotta ask them about various things anyhoo.. hope all of you have had a good day :) im trying just to focus on the beautiful image of my baby alive, inside my tummy.. cant believe it!!!! :o :o :o  wheelchair.gif <---- hahaha (sorry just found this.. someone should make a pregnant wheelchair person)
 

post #175 of 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post

 

I'm not sure if I mentioned it on here or not but I had my first acupuncture appt for MS yesterday and I think it really worked! I still had a few times today where I felt nauseated but it was mostly because I needed to eat again. I even felt well enough to walk for 30 minutes on the tread mill! I go again on Friday.

 

Acupuncture has been the LIFESAVING treatment for me.  I did still have days where it was hard to eat anything, but they were far less frequent and the acupuncturist will treat me in the same day if I call her and speak to her in Japanese (rather poor Japanese, but she knows who I am!).  I am now 10w2d, measuring at 11 w and my MS has been GONE for 6 days.  As in, none, not even that 'I might need to eat something now' or the 'uh-oh, I should have eaten something an hour ago' feelings.  My energy is coming back, and I don't need as many naps.

 

My early morning snack, I'm hungry but can't be bothered making something is nuts and dried fruit.  When it's a little sweet I want, its dried mango and/or walnuts, when its salty, it's peanuts.  My normal snack is walnuts and mango.  I'd love to try milk, I wonder if it would have the same effect it did 8 months ago...I couldn't drink it then.


Edited by jacquelinej - 10/26/12 at 2:21am
post #176 of 212

Sure crazy mothers are fun...NOT!

 

I was blindsided by an IM from my mom 15 minutes before I was supposed to be done with work telling me that she hates my SIL because SIL sent her an email telling her that she didn't appreciate that my mom went snooping through her divorce court records online before they even met because my brother wasn't telling her every.single.detail of how they met, when they met, etc.  Their relationship didn't have the best start (they were both married at the time in really bad marriages) but they're both happy now and are very good together and i have a beautiful niece.  I haven't seen my brother this happy in a very very long time.  But because he wasn't holding my mother's hand throughout his entire divorce she got paranoid and started snooping.  Granted, this was a year ago but it's clearly been bothering my SIL since she found out and she just now got the courage to mention it.  I didn't read the email (my mother was being passive aggressive about violating a confidence since I told my bro what she was up to with the court records and wouldn't send it to me, not that I asked) but knowing my SIL I kinda doubt it was as viscous as she claims it was.  But anything where someone says something counter to what momster thinks is hurtful and malicious.  She then proceeded to rant for over an hour concluding with her claiming I betrayed her because I kept a level head (a practice called medium chill) and tried to help her see my SIL's point of view.  But since I didn't agree with her every word I betrayed her.  She's now throwing the entire relationship away and will just treat her in a way that's socially acceptable.  Anyone want to start a betting pool for when my bro cuts my mom off and when I do?  The clock is ticking, I can feel it (and honestly, I know it sounds bad, but I cannot wait.  This woman has been nothing but a negative force in my life).  She also scoffed repeatedly at the idea of therapy (clearly she handled her divorce 19 years ago so well so she doesn't need it), tossed in a few allusions to killing herself, and then waifed out and recounted all the ways in which her life sucks (which are all directly due to her own choices), and finished with a guilt trip about the anniversary gift I tell her she doesn't have to get us every.single.year.

 

It's a really good thing they don't take my blood pressure after I finish talking to her.

 

Still on the mend cold wise.  Seems like my body is running out of phelgm finally!

 

Timesaway, I'm so sorry your ex was an ass to you.  Don't be afraid to press charges if he continues to harass and threaten you.  You also have a crazy mom, huh? I found when I figured out what was wrong with my mom that I had inadvertantly brought others into my life who were very similar.  Any chance you do the same thing?  It's a crazy pattern to recognize but life gets so much easier when you clear the crap out.  I'm glad your scan went well and I hope today and the weekend are better for you.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well.

post #177 of 212

Hi! I've been lurking for a while, and I know I'm not the only person with drama here, but I could use some help. (AmandaLynnH, Timesaway, goodvibes.gifI'm sending good vibes your way, and I hope your respective problem people get struck by laryngitis, but only when they're being jerks.)

 

I have PTSD due to rape trauma, and the current political season has been very triggering for me.  For those of you who aren't familiar, being triggered is a involuntary response. It's not quite reflex, in that you can stuff it down and get to a safe place before losing your control, but it cannot be avoided.  Two of my most effective coping mechanisms aren't so great during pregnancy (Lifting weights until I'm physically exhausted is one of them, and the other is smoking half a cigarette. That's not healthy anytime, but it makes me embarrassed in a way that derails the reaction. There are some studies indicating that nicotine can act as a SSRI, so that may be helping, I don't really know, but it's not a risk I'm willing to accept right now.)

 

That leaves me with walking briskly... but not to the point of physical exhaustion. And while I can totally do that while pregnant, I'm a bit self conscious about walking around all teary faced. I'm not showing yet, but I have a neighborhood where walking around crying would get noticed and the neighbors would come talk to me. It's wonderful that they care, but I don't know how to pass it off as nothing to worry about.  Once I'm visibly pregnant, or even now, I suppose, I could just say I'm ok, its pregnancy hormones... but that's a little embarrassing too. I may be a delicate flower, but I'll be damned if I get treated like I'm not capable due to my pregnancy. That's just insulting to me.

 

Can anyone suggest some pregnancy safe high stress coping mechanisms? My midwife has offered to set me up with a social worker (I was also abused as a kid, and will not be passing that nightmare along), so I can ask for help next Friday, but until then, my best option is a complete media blackout, but that is no guarantee while I'm in public or at work.

 

Thanks for your help. 

post #178 of 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by timesway View Post

thanks everyone.. today has been the worst.. i had the scan which made me cry and fall to pieces lol with joy this time tho because there was a healthy perfect little baby shaped baby thing.. measuring a day ahead (which means i was exactly 12weeks and im now 12w1d.. hehe gained a day!)  i told my other sister, and some friends who reacted wonderfully, everyone fell apart at the picture of the scan.. i need to find a lovely way to tell my dad.. im thinking maybe one of those cards u make online and come in the post saying congratulations on being a grampy? ..is that too cheesey?

But yes.. ex .. screamed at me.. went mad.. threatened to kill himself.. basically all i can assume is he hoped baby wasnt healthy.. and therefore i'd terminate, he'd been gentler with me before today.. and now today he has been awful with me..the worst yet.. he screamed it in front of lots of friends aswell and tryed to stay i wasnt allowed to hang out where i've hung out for the past year and have lots of friends anymore, as it was his place :S luckily everyone was massively supportive.. im so lucky to have such wonderful friends.. it was just so sad.. he clearly hadnt eaten for days, and he looked really ill.. i just hate it :( everyone told me to stop listneing to him, hes trying to make me feel bad.. but its hard really :(

But overall happy day!!

Amanda i hope your colds better.. i think your mum, my mum and my ex could make a trio.. ha.. what do u wreckon?

My  colds pretty bad i think it mite turn into  a chesty one, so mite make a trip to drs soon.. gotta ask them about various things anyhoo.. hope all of you have had a good day :) im trying just to focus on the beautiful image of my baby alive, inside my tummy.. cant believe it!!!! :o :o :o  wheelchair.gif <---- hahaha (sorry just found this.. someone should make a pregnant wheelchair person)
 

Time, I am SO glad to hear that your scan went well!  Wonderful news!!  Keep up the good work!  I'm pretty sure that your friends have already told you this, but your ex sounds like a real piece of work and you are absolutely better off without him!  I imagine it's hard if your friends tend to meet up at his place, but is there anyway to minimize contact?  It sounds like he's a real jerk every time you see him.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

Sure crazy mothers are fun...NOT!

 

I was blindsided by an IM from my mom 15 minutes before I was supposed to be done with work telling me that she hates my SIL because SIL sent her an email telling her that she didn't appreciate that my mom went snooping through her divorce court records online before they even met because my brother wasn't telling her every.single.detail of how they met, when they met, etc.  Their relationship didn't have the best start (they were both married at the time in really bad marriages) but they're both happy now and are very good together and i have a beautiful niece.  I haven't seen my brother this happy in a very very long time.  But because he wasn't holding my mother's hand throughout his entire divorce she got paranoid and started snooping.  Granted, this was a year ago but it's clearly been bothering my SIL since she found out and she just now got the courage to mention it.  I didn't read the email (my mother was being passive aggressive about violating a confidence since I told my bro what she was up to with the court records and wouldn't send it to me, not that I asked) but knowing my SIL I kinda doubt it was as viscous as she claims it was.  But anything where someone says something counter to what momster thinks is hurtful and malicious.  She then proceeded to rant for over an hour concluding with her claiming I betrayed her because I kept a level head (a practice called medium chill) and tried to help her see my SIL's point of view.  But since I didn't agree with her every word I betrayed her.  She's now throwing the entire relationship away and will just treat her in a way that's socially acceptable.  Anyone want to start a betting pool for when my bro cuts my mom off and when I do?  The clock is ticking, I can feel it (and honestly, I know it sounds bad, but I cannot wait.  This woman has been nothing but a negative force in my life).  She also scoffed repeatedly at the idea of therapy (clearly she handled her divorce 19 years ago so well so she doesn't need it), tossed in a few allusions to killing herself, and then waifed out and recounted all the ways in which her life sucks (which are all directly due to her own choices), and finished with a guilt trip about the anniversary gift I tell her she doesn't have to get us every.single.year.

 

It's a really good thing they don't take my blood pressure after I finish talking to her.

 

Still on the mend cold wise.  Seems like my body is running out of phelgm finally!

 

Timesaway, I'm so sorry your ex was an ass to you.  Don't be afraid to press charges if he continues to harass and threaten you.  You also have a crazy mom, huh? I found when I figured out what was wrong with my mom that I had inadvertantly brought others into my life who were very similar.  Any chance you do the same thing?  It's a crazy pattern to recognize but life gets so much easier when you clear the crap out.  I'm glad your scan went well and I hope today and the weekend are better for you.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Amanda, sorry you are dealing with such a tough family situation as well.  I am all for fighting to maintain family relationships, but at a certain point you have to look out for yourself and now for your little bean (or velociraptor as the case may be) that's on the way.  Are you going to want your mom in your kid's life?  If not, I'd seriously consider cutting your ties sooner rather than later. To be honest, I feel a bit of a jerk for giving you any advice, because while my mom can be pretty selfish and a bit controlling (and a work-a-holic, but that's another matter) she is over-all well meaning and I don't have a bad relationship with her.  So, I guess what I'm saying is, take my advice as being from someone who doesn't know what you are going through but feels like it must be a super sh*tty situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megmoira View Post

Hi! I've been lurking for a while, and I know I'm not the only person with drama here, but I could use some help. (AmandaLynnH, Timesaway, goodvibes.gifI'm sending good vibes your way, and I hope your respective problem people get struck by laryngitis, but only when they're being jerks.)

 

I have PTSD due to rape trauma, and the current political season has been very triggering for me.  For those of you who aren't familiar, being triggered is a involuntary response. It's not quite reflex, in that you can stuff it down and get to a safe place before losing your control, but it cannot be avoided.  Two of my most effective coping mechanisms aren't so great during pregnancy (Lifting weights until I'm physically exhausted is one of them, and the other is smoking half a cigarette. That's not healthy anytime, but it makes me embarrassed in a way that derails the reaction. There are some studies indicating that nicotine can act as a SSRI, so that may be helping, I don't really know, but it's not a risk I'm willing to accept right now.)

 

That leaves me with walking briskly... but not to the point of physical exhaustion. And while I can totally do that while pregnant, I'm a bit self conscious about walking around all teary faced. I'm not showing yet, but I have a neighborhood where walking around crying would get noticed and the neighbors would come talk to me. It's wonderful that they care, but I don't know how to pass it off as nothing to worry about.  Once I'm visibly pregnant, or even now, I suppose, I could just say I'm ok, its pregnancy hormones... but that's a little embarrassing too. I may be a delicate flower, but I'll be damned if I get treated like I'm not capable due to my pregnancy. That's just insulting to me.

 

Can anyone suggest some pregnancy safe high stress coping mechanisms? My midwife has offered to set me up with a social worker (I was also abused as a kid, and will not be passing that nightmare along), so I can ask for help next Friday, but until then, my best option is a complete media blackout, but that is no guarantee while I'm in public or at work.

 

Thanks for your help. 

Megmoira, it's good to hear from you.  I'm can't imagine what you are going through, I am so sorry.  Have you tried yoga?  It can really really help with stress and anxiety. I have a friend that suffers very badly from depression and anxiety, and managed to convince him to attend yoga with me for a while.  He actually found it really helpful.  I don't know if that's a possibility for you or not.  Also, is there a reason that weight lifting is out?  Can you just not quite take it as far as you have before in terms of exhaustion?  As long as you aren't dizzy afterwards then it's totally fine.

 

Good luck, I hope you find some useful coping mechanisms and can get through this difficult time.

post #179 of 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

Sure crazy mothers are fun...NOT!

 

Anyone want to start a betting pool for when my bro cuts my mom off and when I do?  The clock is ticking, I can feel it (and honestly, I know it sounds bad, but I cannot wait.  This woman has been nothing but a negative force in my life). 

Been there. Done that. Haven't looked back. And that was over a year ago, and she doesn't even know I am pregnant again and we are hoping it stays that way. I could go on about my mother for days!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megmoira View Post

Hi! I've been lurking for a while, and I know I'm not the only person with drama here, but I could use some help. (AmandaLynnH, Timesaway, goodvibes.gifI'm sending good vibes your way, and I hope your respective problem people get struck by laryngitis, but only when they're being jerks.)

 

I have PTSD due to rape trauma, and the current political season has been very triggering for me.  For those of you who aren't familiar, being triggered is a involuntary response. It's not quite reflex, in that you can stuff it down and get to a safe place before losing your control, but it cannot be avoided.  Two of my most effective coping mechanisms aren't so great during pregnancy (Lifting weights until I'm physically exhausted is one of them, and the other is smoking half a cigarette. That's not healthy anytime, but it makes me embarrassed in a way that derails the reaction. There are some studies indicating that nicotine can act as a SSRI, so that may be helping, I don't really know, but it's not a risk I'm willing to accept right now.)

 

That leaves me with walking briskly... but not to the point of physical exhaustion. And while I can totally do that while pregnant, I'm a bit self conscious about walking around all teary faced. I'm not showing yet, but I have a neighborhood where walking around crying would get noticed and the neighbors would come talk to me. It's wonderful that they care, but I don't know how to pass it off as nothing to worry about.  Once I'm visibly pregnant, or even now, I suppose, I could just say I'm ok, its pregnancy hormones... but that's a little embarrassing too. I may be a delicate flower, but I'll be damned if I get treated like I'm not capable due to my pregnancy. That's just insulting to me.

 

Can anyone suggest some pregnancy safe high stress coping mechanisms? My midwife has offered to set me up with a social worker (I was also abused as a kid, and will not be passing that nightmare along), so I can ask for help next Friday, but until then, my best option is a complete media blackout, but that is no guarantee while I'm in public or at work.

 

Thanks for your help. 

Hi megmoira! Sorry you are having such a hard time! I had some PTSD stuff for a while after having my stillborn and it is really hard. What do you mean about the political season, if you don't mind me asking? Just the fighting and stress of it? I guess I never did find a good coping mechanism for me other than laying in bed until dehydrated. Sorry, I'm not more help.

post #180 of 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by adventuregirl View Post

I am craving sugar, sugar, sugar. What could be worse for me? I try to do healthy sweets and that helps, but I keep wanting to dip into the Halloween candy stash (which I have only actually done once or twice so far). I am not usually much of a sweets person, although outside of preg I am a regular drinker (1-2 beer/wine/day) so maybe that's why? Dunno...but you'd think you would crave things that your body/baby needs, not anti-nutrients. On that note tho, I have been really wanting veggies, esp broccoli, and peanut butter, so those cravings make sense. I am also pretty much never not hungry, which I am afraid if I give into too much, I will gain too much weight, idk why I am so paranoid about that. That is where my paranoia is manifesting.

 

times - sounds like you are having a rough go, I hope it gets better!

I ate lots of sugar with DD, especially cereal. I ended up being very close to having diabetes... which isn't much of an issue now since this babe doesn't like any sugar, including honey...

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